ok, great, another driving session. im supposed to be enjoying this more than anyone, since im a petrol head. i know they only give you a damn kancil, but when you're burning someone else's clutch, it's still supposed to be fun. the bike stuff is really pissing me off, because i keep getting fucked up kapcais that keep dying when i lock the rear wheels. either im the only one who actually went full speed and really jam the brakes in the emergency braking test, or the bikes they provide need new engines. this whole driving experience so far is nowhere near tolerable. to be exact, it's like going to school when i was ten, almost identical. i hate getting up early so i can be somewhere i don't like, i hate wasting one hour to get to drive a car i feel like crashing. the psp isn't much help because then people will think im some rich bastard showing off or some geek will approach me and ask what game im playing. on the brightside, im getting pretty good at bikes. heck, only rode them twice. and im getting used to the steering wheel and pedals. my life revolves around the ps2, which means im so used to the dualshock, where X means go, square means stop, and circle means im losing it. so adjusting to a real life driving tools takes some time, on the road and off the game.
just a few questions on driving though. with the younger generation are accustomed to dualshocks, why not use them in cars? if it works in the virtual world, why won't it work in the real world. it will solve a lot of problems too. it will definitely be a solution to the right/left hand drive issue. and it will save a lot of cabin space as well. and it will prevent the brake pedal from crushing your foot or the steering wheel from breaking your ribs, because they wont be there at all.
then, we come to manual cars. you see, there are a lot of transmission in the world today, we have auto, semi-auto, manual, and single gears. even in a manual car, you can have them without clutches, like those with the flappy paddle gearbox. so why must all of us be tested with only one type of transmission that will be obsolete in the future? as you are aware, we are running out of petroleum soon. and the alternatives are bio fuel, electric and hydrogen. so far, the most promising one would be in the form of a honda clarity which runs on liquified hydrogen. it mixes hydrogen with oxygen which results in electrical energy and pure water. the electricity will run an electric motor which drives the wheel. for your information, electric motors have only one moving part, which means there's no gear, which means there's no need to shift, which means we wont need a damn clutch anymore soon. so just get rid of it before i burn all the clutches in the driving school.
it's all messed up
that's it. i can't take anymore of this stupid deliberate distortion from them. they who called themselves righteous and stand in the right path. first yoga, then valentine's day, what's next, banning english films? banning US products? banning new year celebration? banning the way i live my life?
it's on tv, it's in the paper, it's everywhere. muslims shouldn't celebrate valentine's day, they shouldn't practise yoga, they shouldn't buy american products.......you get the idea. let's start with valentine's day. there are many theories on the origin of that particular day. the 1st is about the ancient Rome celebration, Lupercalia. then we have two version of the st valentine's story, the one who wrote the letter, and the one who performed marriages for young lovers in secret. and other is about st. valentine who was responsible for the fall of an islamic empire. civilization has begun thousands of years ago, and in that period, many many 14th february has passed, and many people with the name valentine got their names in the pages of history. it's just a coincidence, not a conundrum. many things happened years ago, just that certain events just had to occur on the 14th of february, or regarding someone named valentine. which is why one side of the story does not explain the celebration we had yesterday. i admit, we don't know which one is the true version, so why risk celebrating for the wrong cause? but let's not forget, religions had their versions too, you know which is which, and several million people are holding on the each version without doubt, fear of being wrong, or second thoughts. so why the injustice? secondly, dates. yes, maybe st valentine did brought down an islamic empire to its knees on the 14th, but maybe another st valentine did write that letter as well. both might be true, but the reason for the valentine's day of the modern world significantly is based on the letter, the romantic version, not another boring chapter of history. here's a perfect example, 31st of august is the day we celebrate the independence of our country. 31st of august is also the day princess diana lost her life in the car crash in paris. so while malaysian are celebrating, the british, and the rest of the world, are mourning. it might sound like we are celebrating for the loss of a royal family member of a country that has invaded ours before, but that's not the real story now is it. same logic applies to valentine's day. the last puzzle piece is intent. let's pick another date, say 6th of august 1945....hiroshima bombing. its the day thousands of civilians died in a single attack. so if i were to get married to an american on the 6th of august, does it mean that im offending any japanese on purpose? it boils down to personal intentions. if one celebrates valentine's for the sake for treasuring love, then let it be, despite the controversial anecdotes of its origin. isn't intent important in religion? what's the point of doing good if there's no sincerity?
now, yoga. it's old stuff, but that doesn't mean we can put it behind us so easily. yes, it's true yoga has the essense from the hindu religion. some of its posture can be traced back to religious elements in hindu. so what? if a muslims practises yoga to have a healthier life, so be it. a posture means nothing without intentions. just because im showing my middle finger, doesn't mean im telling you to fuck off.......because i've seen a lot of those, in school, in public, when old people talk, and it's ok, cos they didn't mean it. but when some yoga practioners do some moves, these preachers just had to say something. cant these people see, that standing with one's limbs twisted and turns doesn't mean he or she is commiting himself to the gods, it means he's stretching his damn arms and legs because he don't want to end up with a walking stick when he's 50. the issue is resolved, i know, but the problem is, it was never an issue at all. then some boisterous old man can't find anything else to do than giving every yoga practioner a tough time, then it became an issue.
the problem with religion today is not the lack of faith, commitment or kindness. it's those people who claimed themselves to be correct, to be righteous and decide that the rest must follow anything he says. that's not religion in my opinion, that's didacticism hiding cowardly behind god.
it's on tv, it's in the paper, it's everywhere. muslims shouldn't celebrate valentine's day, they shouldn't practise yoga, they shouldn't buy american products.......you get the idea. let's start with valentine's day. there are many theories on the origin of that particular day. the 1st is about the ancient Rome celebration, Lupercalia. then we have two version of the st valentine's story, the one who wrote the letter, and the one who performed marriages for young lovers in secret. and other is about st. valentine who was responsible for the fall of an islamic empire. civilization has begun thousands of years ago, and in that period, many many 14th february has passed, and many people with the name valentine got their names in the pages of history. it's just a coincidence, not a conundrum. many things happened years ago, just that certain events just had to occur on the 14th of february, or regarding someone named valentine. which is why one side of the story does not explain the celebration we had yesterday. i admit, we don't know which one is the true version, so why risk celebrating for the wrong cause? but let's not forget, religions had their versions too, you know which is which, and several million people are holding on the each version without doubt, fear of being wrong, or second thoughts. so why the injustice? secondly, dates. yes, maybe st valentine did brought down an islamic empire to its knees on the 14th, but maybe another st valentine did write that letter as well. both might be true, but the reason for the valentine's day of the modern world significantly is based on the letter, the romantic version, not another boring chapter of history. here's a perfect example, 31st of august is the day we celebrate the independence of our country. 31st of august is also the day princess diana lost her life in the car crash in paris. so while malaysian are celebrating, the british, and the rest of the world, are mourning. it might sound like we are celebrating for the loss of a royal family member of a country that has invaded ours before, but that's not the real story now is it. same logic applies to valentine's day. the last puzzle piece is intent. let's pick another date, say 6th of august 1945....hiroshima bombing. its the day thousands of civilians died in a single attack. so if i were to get married to an american on the 6th of august, does it mean that im offending any japanese on purpose? it boils down to personal intentions. if one celebrates valentine's for the sake for treasuring love, then let it be, despite the controversial anecdotes of its origin. isn't intent important in religion? what's the point of doing good if there's no sincerity?
now, yoga. it's old stuff, but that doesn't mean we can put it behind us so easily. yes, it's true yoga has the essense from the hindu religion. some of its posture can be traced back to religious elements in hindu. so what? if a muslims practises yoga to have a healthier life, so be it. a posture means nothing without intentions. just because im showing my middle finger, doesn't mean im telling you to fuck off.......because i've seen a lot of those, in school, in public, when old people talk, and it's ok, cos they didn't mean it. but when some yoga practioners do some moves, these preachers just had to say something. cant these people see, that standing with one's limbs twisted and turns doesn't mean he or she is commiting himself to the gods, it means he's stretching his damn arms and legs because he don't want to end up with a walking stick when he's 50. the issue is resolved, i know, but the problem is, it was never an issue at all. then some boisterous old man can't find anything else to do than giving every yoga practioner a tough time, then it became an issue.
the problem with religion today is not the lack of faith, commitment or kindness. it's those people who claimed themselves to be correct, to be righteous and decide that the rest must follow anything he says. that's not religion in my opinion, that's didacticism hiding cowardly behind god.
looking back
come this march, i will be no longer a student of ibrahim, officially at least. heck, we're getting a cert for that, which does sounds like they're kicking us out after 5 years of a hectic roller coaster ride. really, if school life was a roller coaster ride, the last two years was full of loops and missing rails.
the first time i step into any school was back when i was in bukit kayu hitam, and it's worse than lembah beringin. trust me. it was sekolah kebangsaan bandar bukit kayu hitam, SKBBKH. actually, i didn't enter standard one yet, i was there for kindagarten. there's absolutely no other race in that school, only malays, or at least bumiputras. so imagine a half chinese falling from th sky into that kind of environment. day one of kindagarten, i didn't cry, no, i didn't, because i've stop crying a long time ago. met some kids there, who i grew up with, as friends and enemies. there was this baldy who always had something agaisnt me, showing off around, acting like he's the boss. and the best part, i've made him cry. before you think im a bully, remember that we're the same age, and size, just that he talked so big and i proved that he was an empty can.
fast forward to standard one, i learnt ABC...air batu campur. i've known the alphabets earlier than i know what air batu campur is. then standard two and three just blurred. i don't remember what happened each year. i remembered some teacher's son acting smart in front of me, he's got that snobbish look, especially the nose. there's this kid who's insane about hindustan, he can sing any song in hindustan films. i can even pair up some names with faces, theres fatah, suhaila and syamim. the rest are nameless faces now. in standard three, i entered some english story telling competition, because i was all they got, and they got themselves a loser. i got knocked out in the first round. then it was PTS. im not sure if the system applies to other schools, but back in that school, only selected students are allowed to sit for PTS. other than that, the school had two fields, one huge huge taman, some ponds with fishes, a mini soccer field, when i said mini, the goal post is two inches tall. i even remember the parachute toy. the one made of polystrene with a plastic chute. i threw one from the school block and it flew so far it almost made it to the gate. that huge huge taman was in between the block and the gate, so it was very windy back then. the worst part of that school is that we had extra agama classes. it's from 1 to 3, and we had to dress up in baju melayu for the guys and baju kurung for girls. i didn't know one jawi alphabet back then, and i survived three years of that. in the last day in that school, i knew i had to make a grand exit, so i cycled despite the rain and lightning. i was sitting on a metal object, and to get home, i had to go up some hill, because my house is like the highest point in the area. im pretty sure some of them think im already dead.
then, i went to sekolah kebangsaan ibrahim as a standard four student. i almost didn't get it because i was some kampung student. luckily, PTS helped me out. there wasn't much going on in standard four, but the fact the primary ibrahim was an all boys school sure meant it was rather insane. if not mistaken, i entered choral speaking twice in that school, just that i dont remember when. in standard four, i was closer to the malays, because 4 years in bukit kayu hitam made some impact to me. standard 5, got into prefect, standard 6 upsr. nothing special about those 3 years, because it kept getting crazier every year. i used to play in the middle of the field before becoming a prefect, playing aci ligan, whatever that means. and everytime theres pjk lesson, we run around the field, chasing after one ball and spent half of the time arguing who goes which side, whether the ball was in or out and etc. i blame steve and tengku for that. there was a mandarin class in standard five, which i joined for fun. we had a nice teacher who actually bought us stuff for doing homework. i got like 3 plush toys. standard 6, i had my saviour in math, pn khew. i'll never understand fraction without her.
it wasn't long till i got my place in ibrahim secondary. form 1 was really stupid, form 2 was boring, form 3 was hell, and the last two years was the best. in form 1, i was really a nobody, well i am anyway, but form 1 was like the highest point of nobody-ness. at least i got friends there. form 2, it was the starting point for debate. form 2 was still ok, because steve and km were still thre. but when it came to form 3, i was alone. the malay guys are ok, but i wasn't close to them. in fact, the most alim dude in my class sabotaged my kh project by putting a dead lizard there. i didn't realise till after 3 days. so i've got my reasons. the only time i had fun was pj. it was the only thing i looked forward to in school. i always run to other classes when there's no teacher, because it was so boring. i didn't make friends because im not friendly, and because it would be pointless anyway. wear my shoes and you'll know. im glad im not close to most of them now.
form 4 was the turning point. i almost live form 3 all over again because of the stupid streaming system. i got into the wrong class, take my word, i won't survive that one for sure. at least i found my way to 4sn2. that was really fun. i've had one of the best english teachers ever, i had one of the worst ustaz ever, i had the devil for maths, but most importantly, i had someone there. friends who look out for you. i can go for debate sessions at any time, and leave my mess on the table, they'll pack everything for me, carry my bag down and hand it to me. when debate's over, i found another excuse to skip classes. drama. at least i helped out. even ustaz thought i was in drama as well because i've almost not enter his class at all through out the year. thats why form 4 felt so good. form 5 had its pressure on me. spm and debate. at least that worked out well. we defended our state trophy and had time to prepare for spm. well, almost i guess. march will tell me whether it really worked or not.
it's not the best way to sum up 12 years of school for me, but that's the way i remember it.
the first time i step into any school was back when i was in bukit kayu hitam, and it's worse than lembah beringin. trust me. it was sekolah kebangsaan bandar bukit kayu hitam, SKBBKH. actually, i didn't enter standard one yet, i was there for kindagarten. there's absolutely no other race in that school, only malays, or at least bumiputras. so imagine a half chinese falling from th sky into that kind of environment. day one of kindagarten, i didn't cry, no, i didn't, because i've stop crying a long time ago. met some kids there, who i grew up with, as friends and enemies. there was this baldy who always had something agaisnt me, showing off around, acting like he's the boss. and the best part, i've made him cry. before you think im a bully, remember that we're the same age, and size, just that he talked so big and i proved that he was an empty can.
fast forward to standard one, i learnt ABC...air batu campur. i've known the alphabets earlier than i know what air batu campur is. then standard two and three just blurred. i don't remember what happened each year. i remembered some teacher's son acting smart in front of me, he's got that snobbish look, especially the nose. there's this kid who's insane about hindustan, he can sing any song in hindustan films. i can even pair up some names with faces, theres fatah, suhaila and syamim. the rest are nameless faces now. in standard three, i entered some english story telling competition, because i was all they got, and they got themselves a loser. i got knocked out in the first round. then it was PTS. im not sure if the system applies to other schools, but back in that school, only selected students are allowed to sit for PTS. other than that, the school had two fields, one huge huge taman, some ponds with fishes, a mini soccer field, when i said mini, the goal post is two inches tall. i even remember the parachute toy. the one made of polystrene with a plastic chute. i threw one from the school block and it flew so far it almost made it to the gate. that huge huge taman was in between the block and the gate, so it was very windy back then. the worst part of that school is that we had extra agama classes. it's from 1 to 3, and we had to dress up in baju melayu for the guys and baju kurung for girls. i didn't know one jawi alphabet back then, and i survived three years of that. in the last day in that school, i knew i had to make a grand exit, so i cycled despite the rain and lightning. i was sitting on a metal object, and to get home, i had to go up some hill, because my house is like the highest point in the area. im pretty sure some of them think im already dead.
then, i went to sekolah kebangsaan ibrahim as a standard four student. i almost didn't get it because i was some kampung student. luckily, PTS helped me out. there wasn't much going on in standard four, but the fact the primary ibrahim was an all boys school sure meant it was rather insane. if not mistaken, i entered choral speaking twice in that school, just that i dont remember when. in standard four, i was closer to the malays, because 4 years in bukit kayu hitam made some impact to me. standard 5, got into prefect, standard 6 upsr. nothing special about those 3 years, because it kept getting crazier every year. i used to play in the middle of the field before becoming a prefect, playing aci ligan, whatever that means. and everytime theres pjk lesson, we run around the field, chasing after one ball and spent half of the time arguing who goes which side, whether the ball was in or out and etc. i blame steve and tengku for that. there was a mandarin class in standard five, which i joined for fun. we had a nice teacher who actually bought us stuff for doing homework. i got like 3 plush toys. standard 6, i had my saviour in math, pn khew. i'll never understand fraction without her.
it wasn't long till i got my place in ibrahim secondary. form 1 was really stupid, form 2 was boring, form 3 was hell, and the last two years was the best. in form 1, i was really a nobody, well i am anyway, but form 1 was like the highest point of nobody-ness. at least i got friends there. form 2, it was the starting point for debate. form 2 was still ok, because steve and km were still thre. but when it came to form 3, i was alone. the malay guys are ok, but i wasn't close to them. in fact, the most alim dude in my class sabotaged my kh project by putting a dead lizard there. i didn't realise till after 3 days. so i've got my reasons. the only time i had fun was pj. it was the only thing i looked forward to in school. i always run to other classes when there's no teacher, because it was so boring. i didn't make friends because im not friendly, and because it would be pointless anyway. wear my shoes and you'll know. im glad im not close to most of them now.
form 4 was the turning point. i almost live form 3 all over again because of the stupid streaming system. i got into the wrong class, take my word, i won't survive that one for sure. at least i found my way to 4sn2. that was really fun. i've had one of the best english teachers ever, i had one of the worst ustaz ever, i had the devil for maths, but most importantly, i had someone there. friends who look out for you. i can go for debate sessions at any time, and leave my mess on the table, they'll pack everything for me, carry my bag down and hand it to me. when debate's over, i found another excuse to skip classes. drama. at least i helped out. even ustaz thought i was in drama as well because i've almost not enter his class at all through out the year. thats why form 4 felt so good. form 5 had its pressure on me. spm and debate. at least that worked out well. we defended our state trophy and had time to prepare for spm. well, almost i guess. march will tell me whether it really worked or not.
it's not the best way to sum up 12 years of school for me, but that's the way i remember it.
on choices, or failure to make one
which would you prefer, regret something that you did, or something that you didn't? there's no right or wrong here, it's just a matter of choice. maybe half the world wouldn't agree with me if i say to regret something that you did is better, and maybe, im going to regret writing down the reasons why. time will tell.
anybody surely had his moment where he had to make a choice, to act or not to act. but does inaction really fall under choice? do you choose not to do anything? the consequence of an action comes later, its justification of right or wrong can wait. what im saying is, above anything at all, what difference did you make?
i know how one's action can make matters worse, but it might be for the better sometimes. it's a gamble. if there is hope of doing it right, why not take the risk of doing something wrong? hope is a powerful word, because it has given people strength to do things thought to be impossible before. martin luther king jr had hope, gandhi too, and almost anyone with their names written down in history. these people knew the odds were agaisnt them, but they did something, and that made a difference. to have the courage to make a difference is not about gambling anymore, it's about hope. and that hope might make up for the mistake your about to make. no doubt, such mistake is costly, but if there's a cause, then that settles it.
then we come to the question of existence. it's simple, this one. say, you were there, you could have done something, anything, and yet, you did nothing. wouldnt it be the same if you weren't there in the first place? failure to act is failure to exist. a mistake or a success, marks your place in history, doesnt matter if people hated you or not. the world wouldn't be the same without you, and that's all that is there to it. proof of existence. you may not be the one with the true purpose of life, but you have justified your presence somewhere in humanity. you have the right to say "been there, done that".
anybody surely had his moment where he had to make a choice, to act or not to act. but does inaction really fall under choice? do you choose not to do anything? the consequence of an action comes later, its justification of right or wrong can wait. what im saying is, above anything at all, what difference did you make?
i know how one's action can make matters worse, but it might be for the better sometimes. it's a gamble. if there is hope of doing it right, why not take the risk of doing something wrong? hope is a powerful word, because it has given people strength to do things thought to be impossible before. martin luther king jr had hope, gandhi too, and almost anyone with their names written down in history. these people knew the odds were agaisnt them, but they did something, and that made a difference. to have the courage to make a difference is not about gambling anymore, it's about hope. and that hope might make up for the mistake your about to make. no doubt, such mistake is costly, but if there's a cause, then that settles it.
then we come to the question of existence. it's simple, this one. say, you were there, you could have done something, anything, and yet, you did nothing. wouldnt it be the same if you weren't there in the first place? failure to act is failure to exist. a mistake or a success, marks your place in history, doesnt matter if people hated you or not. the world wouldn't be the same without you, and that's all that is there to it. proof of existence. you may not be the one with the true purpose of life, but you have justified your presence somewhere in humanity. you have the right to say "been there, done that".
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