3rd semester. day -2

spring cleaning,

feverish and running nose,

tired, beaten, broken,

have nothing to look forward to in this lifetime.

typical monday

what do you call a string of unfortunate events befalling you in that one single day where you had hoped it to be perfect?

sabotage

four-wheeled-plank-of-wood

skateboarding=bruises+killing my back+unimaginable humiliation+a bit of an adrenaline rush

definitely gonna try that again

scars

i have scars. one of them is on my finger, my pinky. it's quite obvious and in turn, a lot of people ask me about it. i cut the story short and tell them "when i was two, i put that finger between a see saw and it sorta got crushed".

i never wear gloves, but that doesn't mean i don't try to hide it. either i walk with my right hand in the pocket, or just keep my fingers together so it wont show. i've always asked myself whether would it feel any different when i have handshakes. i don't want people to know about it. i was torn between being embarrassed about this scar or just didn't want to tell the story all over again. im not that much of a talker.

i've had this scar for 17 years now. the only way i've managed that is either by ignoring it or accepting the fact that it doesn't matter. do i pretend not to see it whenever i look at my hand or do i accept it as a part of me?

why would i ignore it? because i would be embarrassed? because its a deformity? because its a sign of a foolish mistake?

ignoring a problem would never solve it. i know that better than some. ignoring something is just another method of running away, an act of denial. it is to pretend it didn't happen. it is to constantly live in the past. im sorry but time doesn't wait for anyone.

so why not just accept the fact that i have a scar? to do that, is to admit i am somewhat incomplete, abnormal. but i guess it's better than living a lie, cause one day, i'll run out of excuses.
that's why stories should be written in pen and not pencil

keris and darwin

is a scholarship a right or a gift? do you earn it or just leave it to luck?

if there is any consistency in the pattern in how PSD award its scholarships, i dare say one race has been getting the biggest slice of the pie every year. other than that, its mechanism is an utter mess.

they talk about 1Malaysia. well, you gotta put that keris down first. i see no logic behind a system that promotes equality and unity, and still defend that special position. it's been more than 50 years, if they can't keep up, then let natural selection do its job.

cat got my tongue......that's my excuse for all the short posts. drafted hundreds of posts, only to hit backspace till the screen is blank again..and again.

i can vent here and write the longest post i've ever written. or i can just shut up and forget about it.

*flips coin*

heads.

back to killing zombies...

i need a drink

hey

im sorry
call me please

if...

if i were caught committing crime on my property, would the fact that my property was trespassed and my privacy invaded even matter in court? provided there was no warrant issued.

you know you're thinking too much when you keep hitting backspace at the end of every line.

perhaps you care about what people will say about you, how they see you and judge you. or you are not confident enough to voice your thoughts, thinking they are never blog-worthy. maybe you just don't want people to know what is going through your head right now.

"life is like a box of chocolate. you never know what you're gonna get"

random? err.....

hitting rewind

it's 2.45am.........and i just woke up.

anyway, comfort zone. everyone has their own. some have it within their reach, some have to do a fair bit of walking, some have to start searching. what happens when we are not in our comfort zone? do we try to adapt to the new environment? do we inevitably change? is that part of growing up?

it's been a while since form 5. everything has change after that. some of us went for NS, some started working, some just rotted away at home. then the results came, scholarships awarded in manners that i could only relate with complete chaos, we started going places. everything we knew was so far away.

strange new things greet us, with hostility for some. then we have new goals, new friends, new place to hang out, new lifestyle. a change.

call me retrogressive, but i want to go back before that watershed. i want to stay in memory lane. back then, the piano had so little keys.

back then, i was me.