let's just say things aren't so well this week. getting framed is bad enough, having someone insult my intelligence is taking it to an entirely new level.

day thirty

so you are almost there. this is your last letter. finish this letter and you are going to complete that stupid letter challenge you took in the first place. you have no idea what the challenge is for, and you have no idea why you took it. perhaps because you want to do some soul searching. it kinda worked. heck, you're talking to yourself now. do it in public and you'll have to see a shrink soon.

so you have to talk to at least 29 other people before you can talk to yourself huh. sure a long wait just to beat the crap out of yourself. what are you afraid of? what angers you? what makes you turn cold but still try to fake a smile? maybe certain things are best left unsaid after all.

what is bothering you? you've done everything you can think of, and you're not asking for much. but even that doesn't turn out right. you give it your best and fate still manages to fuck it up. maybe your best is not good enough and it will never be. maybe you should just give up. maybe you can't fight fate. you can try but it's a losing battle. you don't really care that your grades were bad, the fact that you're kinda alone in college, or you were so close to hitting your housemate, or all that shitty nightmares you've been getting. you just want to feel belonged. maybe that's why you want to go home so badly. maybe that's why you try so hard to make the people you love happy. but nothing is right.

you're never gonna be superman.

day twenty nine

hi mom,

im sorry i bought a guitar. and i did some other stuff too which probably won't make you too happy when you find out. i figured that sometimes, certain things are best left untold. im sorry if i was wrong.

your rebellious son,

benjamin

day twenty eight

hey,

you've changed my life more than you would ever realise. and i thank you for that. thank you for making a roller coaster out of cable cars.

yours gratefully

benjamin

day twenty seven

hello there,

still remember me? the guy you sat next to during jpj test? have you pass the B2 license yet? anyway, what are you up to now? still sticking with accounting? i know it's kinda random for me to write this but i have this 30 letter day challenge thing going on. still, it's nice poking people randomly. do reply when you have the time. oh, before i forget, thanks for teaching me how to fold a crane. it was you wasn't it? heh. now i shall excuse myself and continue my work. nice knowing you by the way.

yours sincerely,

benjamin

day twenty six

hey

you know i'll keep my promise right...

yours,

benjamin

day twenty five

hey

i know things aren't working so well for you. i can't say i know how it feels because i haven't been in your shoes. but i do know that you can't give up no matter what. use every ounce of strength you have left and get through this. once it's all over, everything's gonna be ok. i'll be there if you need me.

yours, at all times,

benjamin

day twenty four

hey

yea, it's me again. seems like you've been getting most of my letters. kinda shows that you're a big part in my life. anyway, about this letter, i want to thank you for the sweetest memory, our first date, or whatever it was back then.

it was our last chance to see each other before both of us had to go somewhere. it was supposed to be a normal meet up with my friends, but stuff came up and it was only the two of us.

i still remember when we had to exchange presents. you prepared the whole night making it and i did mine in 30 minutes inside mph, after buying a sketchpad and a pen. im sorry it was a lousy present.

i still remember what we both wore. i've never seen you in that again actually. and you'd never see me in that again because the dobi lost that shirt.

that date means so much because it was the beginning of everything, a door to all possibilities. i had no idea where we stood, or where we were going but that didn't seem to matter because it still made me happy. so many questions unanswered, stories yet to be told, the past that still lurked around. at that point, i was falling in love. your gravity pulled me in and somehow put everything else in place. i had no idea where i fell from, or where im going to land. all i know that it felt like i was flying. thank you.

yours gratefully,

benjamin

day twenty three

hey,

i still owe you a coke float. oh, and i love you =)

yours, with love,

benjamin

day twenty two

hey,

i know you kinda screw things up. but everybody makes mistakes. what matters is that you learn from them and try not to let it happen again. stop beating yourself down because of this stuff. there are better things to do. look, if you still want to live in your own world of regret, go ahead but don't drag those who care about you along. so if you give a damn about people around you, stand up and put an end to this. start again and if you fall, get back up again. i hate to break it to you but that's life. if you need help, you know how to reach me. till then.

yours, with fever and bad temper,

benjamin

they'd say anything....

"sex education in schools is also a must to prevent from young girls from being involved in premarital sex" -hamidah mumamad jafar, Putatan Puteri UMNO divison chief.

"for example, the commercials on sanitary pads are openly shown on tv and this could influence the young to get involved in social ills" -azura mohd afandi, Johor Baru Puteri UMNO chief.

"what im saying is not surprising. in the 20th century, we have seen cases of punishment wihtout trial in the US, the holocaust tragedy in Europe, the slaughter of palestinians in the Middle East and the ethnic cleansing in Bosnia and Rwanda. imagine what is the outcome, if every generation of malaysians question the social contract which were agreed upon their forefathers" -najib, Prime Minister of Malaysia.

*facepalm*

day twenty one

hey,

i probably owe this to more than one person, but to you especially. im sorry i judged you on first impression. im not trying to make it sound better by saying almost everyone does it too, because i have a better excuse. the first time i saw you, you were on stage, debating, as a 3rd speaker. you were furious, witty, eloquent, a bit scary and would probably kill me with the mic stand if i were your opponent.

off the stage, you were completely different. you were actually a really nice person. like i said, everyone judge a book by its cover. but in my defence, i would say that i'd still give that book another chance, and keep flipping the pages and really make up my mind about it later. what im trying to say is that, whatever first impression i have, its dynamic, not static. it changes with time, with how much i get to know a person. and i wouldn't say i've finished reading those books, but i think i've found a few great friends hidden between the many pages.

yours sincerely,

benjamin

day twenty

hey,

i don't wish to bring up the past. no point in it. what i want to say is that, what happened doesn't matter anymore. things happens, so does complications and people get hurt. it's only natural that one takes time to understand another, and that takes time, and patience and sometimes getting hurt is part of the process. if anything, i want to thank you for making me realise that someone as cold as me does have a heart, one that can break.

i wish you the best of luck and i wish you well.

yours,

benjamin

day nineteen

time to pay up the rent no?

benjamin

day eighteen

hey

i know you're a freaking rich guy now because you bought that lucky lottery number. so, mind telling me what the numbers were and when exactly to buy?

your miserable, broke old self,

benjamin

day seventeen

oi

going back home anytine soon? im sick of college and mum disapprove of bus at the moment.

yours, stuck in college for way too long,

benjamin

day sixteen

hey,

how are things over there? haven't IM you lately. haven't see anything new on your facebook, so i guess you're busy as well. so im gonna cut this short. i hope everything's working well for you. and please let me know when you happen to drop by this hopeless country again.

till then, all the best.

yours from far far away,

benjamin

day fifteen

hey

we haven't meet up for some time now. i really wish you could come over soon. i've got something for you. i don't know if this bait would work, but i miss you.

yours only,

benjamin

day fourteen

hey,

i don't know if you still remember me. but we were in the same class in primary 5 and 6. yea, the half chinese half malay guy. that was me.

i remember when we were prefects and had to do our duties. my favourite was taking back the flags for keeping. kinda fun because we'd play in the hall for a while after we're done with it. i still haven't forgot the day puan kalsom said you have the best handwriting in class. we were obsessed about that for a while. heh. i think we were two of her favourite students back then. before we become prefects, we were little rascals. having broom fights in class after school. hard to believe you became head of prefects. hahhaa

anyway, after primary six, we went to different schools. after you, i don't really have any good malay friends anymore. there are classmates, but that's it. we didn't really keep in touch, i never found out why. when you came back for HAC, i was glad things weren't awkward when we talked. i realised that we were on different paths and probably wouldn't see each other again. it was nice seeing you again. i just want to wish you the best in life. and thank you for making my primary school life enjoyable.

your buddy,

benjamin

day thirteen

please forgive me i know not what i do

im really sorry.

yours sincerely,

benjamin

day twelve

day eleven

hey

im not the most talkative in the family, as you'd notice. we rarely talk, other than customary greetings and really short chats. now that we are in different worlds, i come to think about you once in a while, though a lot less lately. i just want to tell you that we are doing fine. nothing to worry about us. now that you see things from a different angle, maybe you would know that im going to do the right thing. maybe not all nice and sweet and heroic, still the right thing. it's not such a great deal of a battle, but it's a battle nonetheless, one which we all have to go through everyday and if we did good, we can go to bed with no guilt, no fear, no regrets. i can. and i hope you are proud of that.

your grandson,

benjamin

day ten

hey,

can you go online? if not, can i call? i really want to talk to you.

yours truly,

benjamin

crashing into an epiphany

the faster you go, the harder you crash. but if you're lucky enough, even for the shortest moment, you'll feel like you're flying.

thing is, being in love feels kinda the same. and i am.

thank you =)

day nine

dear God,

we need to talk.

your undefined believer,

benjamin

day eight

hey

i haven't seen you online lately. guess you're busy huh. i hope you get all my emails. i don't really know because you rarely reply.

funny how we know each other. i still don't remember how i have you on my friendster. that was almost 4 years ago. it's been a long way since then. i guess what really bridged the gap was my friendster blog which seemed rather controversial as this one as well. its good to know that there is someone out there who actually read my what i wrote.

im sorry that sometimes, i sound rather rude online. can't help it. words can only convey so much, and a simple "hey" can be said in so many ways. a simple "ok" would be misleading at certain times.

anyway, i just hope that we can find commitment in ourselves to keep emailing and stuff. perhaps video call when there's an opportunity?

yours sincerely,

benjamin

day seven

hey,

it's been a while huh. perhaps long enough for you to stop avoiding me? i wouldn't exactly say i have a crush on you. i was young and stupid. maybe the latter is still kinda glued onto me. my mistake was telling a friend about you, and it spread like wildfire. should have keep my mouth shut tight eh?

anyway, just want to say sorry for wasting your time trying to avoid me. i hope you can laugh at this stuff in the years to come.

yours truly,

benjamin

day six

why hello there,

nope, we haven't met before. and i don't think i have you on facebook. wanna have coffee or something later?

your soon-to-be acquaintance,

benjamin

day five

hey

finally, time to set things straight. i have no idea what kind of dream you are. you come and go as you please and lately, you've taken the most hideous form. maybe you were nice when i was a kid. but seriously, i don't remember having a good dream for years.

think im bullshitting? you managed to scare the shit out of me when you showed me how i was murdered either with a gunshot at the back of my head or getting stabbed with a kitchen knife. if that wasn't enough, you've even made me feel like im invisible. yea, thanks a lot. you really are a good reason to hate sleep.

even your deja vu's aren't helpful. im no fortune teller, but it'd be nice to get a warning sometimes you know.

try to be nice sometimes. i've had reality bad enough.

your sad pathetic victim,

benjamin

day four

er...hey

i honestly have no idea what to say. and i think you'd prefer i keep my mouth shut. but i don't want to quit doing this letter thing just yet. we don't really look like we're close huh. we don't even look alike. but our interests are the same. well, im more obsessed towards eva green than leah dizon if you really want go into details. we only meet up once in a while, either for yong tau fu or getting stuff from lowyat. and i know we don't ever call each other unless there's something. i think it'd be cooler that way. im not saying we're cold, just cool with each other. don't think there's awkwardness whenever we talk.

you're a great brother. with an even greater sense of humour. you comments on my blog is worth a good laugh. i know you've sorta set a benchmark for us. the good thing is im not competitive, and have no interest in sibling rivalry. the things i did, debate, jpa....i didn't do them to prove im better. i just want to be different. i've already felt like a nobody in school. being someone's shadow at home would have driven me off the bridge.

here's some facts. you're a great driver. crazy yes, so was ayrton senna, im not saying you're that great. but it's fun experiencing locking brakes, or G's in normal roads. you're smart. up to the point i hate the way you can do add math so easily. you play games the night before an exam. well, i do too, but our results would differ. you're a tech geek and you're really good at it. and i think you've got a good girlfriend that you've yet to introduce to me. im still waiting.

one last thing, whatever happened to my other power supply? =p

your brother,

benjamin

woohoo!

day three

dear mom,

i bet you didn't see this coming huh. mom, i owe you a lot. gratitude and apologies. you have been a wonderful mother. anyone can make babies, but you certainly know how to raise them. i wouldn't say that we siblings are the best sons, but i know none of us will do anything to dishonour our family. marrying someone with a completely different family background must be something big for you. and yet, our family stands right in the middle of the differences. we have our own cultures, our own way of living. we didn't just take bits from dad's family and yours, we took the best of both.

sometimes, a child with parents of different races feels lost without an identity. that never happened to us. we know what we are and we are proud of it. i remember what you used to tell me, "you are not a chinese or a malay. you are ahmad benjamin". one hell of a way to tell your kids they are unique mom =).

i know you've help me make important decisions in my life. i know i wouldn't be here without you. and i thank you for that. you've driven us to excel in our studies. im pretty sure the we have some sort of reputation in ibrahim school. even with different religious backgrounds, you managed to instill moral order in us. im not religious, but i still know what is right and what is wrong better than some.

mom, i want to say im sorry. i've lied to you about a certain things. i did tell you everything about it, but you don't seem to remember it. so i thought why not play along and wait for the right moment. you don't like me going out with my friends so often. and i understand why. even a friend laughed at me and said we are 19 year olds and we don't really need permission to go out. but i didn't mind. i dont think being able to go out freely is a sign of becoming an adult. sometimes, i don't mind staying home for the whole day. though a trip to mee thajuddin for tahpau-ing would be nice.

im 19 now mom. and im kinda proud that i don't have to burden dad with my daily expenses. i just want to tell you that im grown up now. you have raised me well. so i doubt i'll make any major mistakes in life. im glad you listened to me about moving from matriculation to ktt. i know it was hectic. coming down to nilai from kedah, without an offer letter. but it worked. im doing medicine because you wanted me to, and because i think i can make this world a better place. sure, there's plenty of other ways of going around that. but why not do something that others can't do and get paid generously right?

mom, maybe i don't tell you this, but i like being home. 6 hours of a bus ride is nothing short of a signboard with neon lights.

your dearest son,

benjamin

dear dad,

thank you for being a great dad. we've never been compromised when it comes to spending. i know you don't pamper us with gifts or toys. i know the tax and the bills are sucking away your salary. and seeing what we have now, with how much you get paid. i think we're doing great. i know you think going to starbucks is a waste of money. like vj's dad said, "you're not paying for the coffee, you're paying for the lifestyle". but you don't mind spending a lot everyday for good food.

i know we don't talk a lot. sons tend to be closer to the mothers. i remember the time when my friends came over. that's when you realised i can speak good english and vice versa. that was really funny. plus, my friends think you're a cool dad. i guess your jokes about girlfriends work.

im sorry for the insane phone bills. i did the math wrongly. it was supposed to be 200, not 600. and thank you for not exploding. i hope you see that i've taken some responsibility by using prepaid now. and im still spending using my jpa allowances. im glad i don't have to take any more money from you, yet. which is why i took the jpa offer. i want to be independent. thank you for letting me make most of my decisions. and thanks for giving a second opinion. it helped a lot. you treat me as an adult already and it feels really good.

dad, the next time you want to buy a car. please test drive it first. i think the new tuscon is a good option. still, you gotta test drive it. if you feel really generous about getting me a car for my first year in medic school, the ford fiesta would be nice. but i don't mind driving brother's saga till i save up my own money for my car. and i know you don't want me to ride bikes. but the ninja is way too seducing. i promise i won't go above 160km/h, k.

your dearest son,

benjamin

day two

hey,

i never thought that i would write you a love letter, not one like this anyway. you may not realise it, but i find myself helplessly falling in love you again and again and again.

it has been quite a while since we first met. im kinda glad that it wasn't like any other hollywood love at first sight. i wouldn't want the story of my love life start ordinarily like the rest. maybe that's why i fell for you. because you are different. anyone who knows you well enough would agree with me.

you have been my source of inspiration. in fact. that was my initial feeling towards you. awe. and that somehow changed into the inevitable. it wasn't easy for me to admit it. i might risk losing a good friend and that is not worth it. so i kept myself in a bubble of denial. wasn't long till the bubble burst. funny they call it falling in love when it actually feels like flying. that's how you make me feel. thank you. now, all i ask is for you to take my hand and i'll return the favor.

i love you.

yours with love

benjamin

minesweeper

i have never swore this much when playing a game.

day one

to my dear friend(s),

we've known each other for years. i wouldn't say that we look like the best of friends, but everything is not what is seems. despite the distance, the different time zones, the busy college life and etc, i don't think this friendship would have any difficulties. meeting up hasn't been easy since we left school, but once we do, i feel no wall between us, no gap, no feeling of awkwardness. it's like we just saw each other yesterday.

life wouldn't be the same without you. you helped shape me into who i am today. you got me through the hard times and you made the good times much more memorable. you made me see life from a different point of view. sometimes, you drive me to excel, to push myself further because i know you have faith in me and i hate to disappoint you. the best part about us is that we never fight about anything. that is, if memory serves me right. maybe you don't really know where im getting at and i haven't the slightest clue either. i just want you to know it's been a pleasure having you around.

i wish the the best life has to offer, in whatever it is that you're doing. you might have to go somewhere i can't follow, but if you need help, i'll be there. and one day, when we've got we're looking for, i really hope we could sit down and have a laugh about the good old days. till then, good luck.

you're lucky friend,

benjamin

30 days letters challenge

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favourite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

let's see if i can really do this

RE : anonymous

its good to hear that u r 'trying' to learn the koran. just a piece of advice, no use of having the knowledge yet u look like u have none.

yeah, i get what u try to say bout the geo thing. is the same to pI. we learnt it in schools. its just that geo is from form 1 to 3 but pI, for us is up to form 6. cuz there is more to learn. yet we were just using text book.. if we were using korang, i guess the topic of this post would be different right? theres no religious studies that are complimentary in medic or law schools. they are optional.
talking bout interest. sorry for saying this directly. its true that students might get interest in geo for example later on. from ur point of view, what the heck bout religions studies right? yet if u widen ur scope of view, u'll see that its just u that is not interested in pI. most people in ur college for example has deep affections towards religions. people actually enjoy it.. some might not but they still learn it cuz of fear towards god.

about the test, its not to test ur faith. duh.. let me ask u a basic question. whats the purpose of test? its to assess ur knowledge. driving test for example, do those who failed their computer test signifies that they are lack in driing skills? the pI test is actually is to make sure that u study the syllabus text. pendidikan jasmani test for example, its not actually a test right? we all know that it is not important as our final year exam doesn't incude the test mark.. so, whats the average score? how many of us study for it? so, back to the topic, the test is to ensure that we study the agama islam.

i do not understand your advice at all. sorry.

i do not understand why do you have to take my question as an attack and get all offensive. but it's fun reading what you write.

i do not understand how religious studies can be "complimentary" as opposed to optional. try compulsory.

i do not understand the need to bring up religious studies in medic or law school. i mentioned it to prove that geography is taught at lower levels of education, where students haven't really specify their course of studies. once one have enrolled into a medical or law school, geography is useless in the pursuit of becoming a doctor or lawyer. my "complain" about the test of pendidikan islam was about how the syllabus is decided and what is the ministry of education trying to assess from students.

i did not say religious studies are useless. i was just questioning how it would be carried out, and in this case, specifically on the use of textbooks instead of the koran itself. i have no affection for religion, or so you would assume safely behind your anonymity, but like i said, it doesn't stop me from trying to learn more about it. not because of im pious, or i want to get closer to God, or fear towards God. i do it because i want to know. which is the exact same intention i had when i asked that question in the previous post.

i was being sarcastic, but i guess it doesn't work on you. yes, the test is not about faith. it's about everything in the syllabus. if you fail the computer test in a driving test, it does mean you are lacking in driving skills. let's not forget driving skills includes the ability to judge a situation or traffic, or road conditions and signboards. being able to drive means nothing if you don't know what the sign means.

so if the test is to ensure that we study islam, what does it assess? pendidikan is a whole lot more holistic than pengetahuan btw. to be "didik" well, is more than to be smart. it's to be well mannered as well,...like introducing yourself when speaking to someone. so if it is pengetahuan, or pengajian islam, i would have no objection. but pendidikan islam does not include only knowledge. so is pendidikan islam, its syllabus and its tests coherent?

i didn't remove your post. i just got an email notification. it didnt even come up on my page.

and it just hit me...

why is it that our Pendidikan Islam uses textbooks by the education ministry and not the Quran itself?

that's like playing Gran Turismo for your driving lesson.

selamat hari raya to everyone. wishing you the best. and do heed to those delicious ketupat and rendang. they have been waiting for you. heck, that alone makes fasting worth it. =)

utusan malaysaja

" UMNO-owned Malay daily Utusan Malaysia urged that cyber-criminals who insult Islam on the internet be sent into exile and be taught how to live in a multi-racial and multi-religious country"

for more info, click ibettthisdudemadethisuptosoundpoliticallybiased

1. so a multireligious society must only have tolerance for ONE religion and not others? so those who insult other religions and relate their practice and identities to dogs get away? only those insulting Islam is met with punishment?

2. how does living in exile going to teach someone to live in a society, especially one that is multiracial and multireligious? do you think anyone from Lost can ever assimilate themselves into the conventional society ever again? they might have to really end it if they do.

3. reminds me of an MP who suggested that people who are HIV positive should be exiled. hmm, i see an uncanny consistency and pattern.

happy (belated) independence day

yes, i did not celebrate our 53rd independence day in any way, be it giving this god forsaken nation a thought or two or simply writing a post reminding myself that independence is about malaysia and not barisan nasional. but the line between the two is getting blurred. BN has been ruling malaysia since independence. it basically shaped malaysia into what we see today.

and it's members consists of a guy who has his own sex tape, another involved in the linggam tape. it has conducted operasi lalang in the name of national security. it has seen peaceful rallies being treated with water cannons, tear gas, riot shields, and endless arrests. it has seen a principal making racist remarks during the holy month of ramadhan and got away with it. it has seen that a particular non-muslim been told not to enter a surau without the consent of selangor islamic religious council when the prophet himself has never stopped anyone from entering a mosque as long as they carry no ill will. it has seen a lawyer strangling himself in the courtroom in his bid to prove that one can strangle himself and die. it has seen enough sodomy trials to outrun Lost.

need i say more?

looking back, malaysia is no longer just about ali, muthu and ah chong living happily, harmoniously together. i desperately wish this can come true but with so many scars, can we really be blind enough to look past them if we can't even look at another skin colour without prejudice. malaysia is not just about all the races living in tolerance and peace when things are going good. because frankly, things aren't. and who do we have to thank for that?

i have forgotten what malaysia is about, and perhaps what independence means to me. i have lost my faith in religion a long time ago. now im losing faith in this country. i just need to see a glimpse of hope that malaysia can be a country where ali would stand up for muthu and ah chong when that bitch makes another racist remark about them.

i need to see yasmin ahmad's commercials again.

pardon the vulgarity, it's 4am and i still believe in the freedom of speech.

correction

you know how it's like to be invisible in your own dream?

it feels kinda fucked up

something just hit me, i can't post emo shit here anymore cause people actually read my blog.

is that good or bad?

if you can't give a good analogy, expect it to backfire

"Saya bawa kereta proton saga, ah chong dan muthu menumpang dalam kereta saya. kami sama sama menuju ke satu destinasi tetapi itu tidak menjadikan ah chong dan muthu memiliki kereta proton saga tersebut kerana saya tetap pemandu"

i won't bother translating that into english because it might sound less stupid that way, or maybe it's the other way round.

that statement is :

1. a fallacy, not analogy. it does not reflect the truth. let's put it into a context of a nation. is it to imply that the malays own this country? is it to imply that other races are simply "menumpang"? are they immigrants despite being born in this country? last time i check, that bullshit is not in the constitution.

2. contradicting itself. it is questioning ah chong's and muthu's rights of ownership on the proton saga but at the same time, it does not verify it that the car belongs to the driver in the first place. being a driver doesn't mean you own the car, the same way a pilot doesn't own an airplane. you just bloody drive. it could be even ah chong's car and he lets the dude drive.

3. FUBAR! (watch saving private ryan)

victim or simply racist?

1malaysia and its idea of a national school is not garnering much support as our PM would have liked. an idea is simple. a multiracial society with different religious backgrounds to understand each other in tolerance to promote nation building yadayadayada.....

let's rewind a few days back and look at this.

if the objective of a national school is integration, this is rather comical seeing that a principal of such school is a racist. to make a mockery of other races in this way is nothing short of symptoms of complete ignorance, self indulgent in one's race and to think too greatly of one's race.

those chinese and indian students were born here. they are truly malaysian. perhaps they are descendants from the chinese and indians who have lived here longer than some malays. they are, by all means, malaysians. they belong to this country. and for those who still haven't realise it. having the word "malay" in malaysia does not mean it belongs to the malay. it does not mean the malay have more power, or more right to live here. im colourblind, in more than one way. i dont see why other races should be looked down, or regarded as unworthy to be part of malaysia. they pay their taxes, they abide by the law. they even withstood the keris and endless uproar about ketuanan melayu. and its getting louder thanks to perkasa. this is a country that is supposed to advocate equality, but Barisan Nasional itself is divided into UMNO, MCA and MIC. no rewards to those who says who has the most power. each party shouting to defend the rights of the people it represents. but the keris wielder always have the last say.

had the principal be a chinese, my bet is that he would have been detained under ISA the next morning. but Puan Hajah Siti Inshah Mansor is as malay as anyone can get. she's more malay than me i'll give you that. its been days, and i the only action i see is that Education director general Tan Sri Alimudin Dom claiming that it was a mere misunderstanding and it had been resolved. no action taken against her. all our DPM could manage was to order a probe into the issue. our very own PM was speechless on this matter. why? because she is a malay?

to make matters more complicated we have this

ok, so she might have been a political tool by some party. she was used. bla bla bla, ok i get it. but wait, 20 complaints have been made. even some of the parents made a police report. and if really it was a political move, why is the PM so silent about it? he would have known better. he made his way into the highest status as a politician didn't he?

in an unrelated news, those who were guilty on the vandalism of the surau which occured yesterday has been arrested today.

*this blogpost is nothing but random ramblings and a personal opinion of the writer who believes in the freedom of speech.

malaysian soap opera

1. the candle light vigil peaceful rally against ISA was met with much force. they had riot police and trucks ready to prevent the rally from taking place. yet, during the cow head incident, the police just stood by and watched. they even had hishamuddin's support, claiming that "they just wanted their voices to be heard". when there were mass gatherings at mosques after friday prayers in retaliation of the use of the word "Allah" in catholic publications, najib said "we cannot stop the people if they want to congregrate within the mosque compounds". er, right. next time let's see what happens if they have the candle vigil in churches and temples.

2. amidst the sodomy drama, an affair emerged between mohd saiful bukhari azlan, the key witness and farah azlina latif, the junior member of the DPP (Deputy Public Prosecutor). both are crimes. so if anwar is going down, so should saiful. but in bolehland, double standard is well...standard.

3. the rumour, as there has not been any solid evidence, of the use of lim guan eng's name instead of the agong's in the khutbah in several mosques in penang. and yet, there would be swift investigation regarding this matter. over a rumour?

4. the sudden discovery of teoh beng hock's suicide note, despite Dr Pornthip's claim that it was not suicide. with utter disbelief, Nazri Aziz, minister in the PM's dept called her a LIAR. little did he know that she was the most trusted person in thailand, according to a Reader's Digest survey.

im 19 and im playing pokemon. never lost that kid in me eh

1malaysia?

told you im lucky

turns out i only missed half an hour of class instead of 5 today.

self explanatory

is it me, or all the anonymous comments sound rather coherent? talking about mentality, heh...

RE : don't wear devil jerseys

right. so we can't wear a manchester united jersey because there's a devil emblem on it.

question #1 : how do you even know that is how the devil looks like?

question #2 : how does wearing a devil emblem be considered worshiping the devil? by that logic, does wearing a t-shirt with a nike emblem count as worshiping nike?

i mean seriously, how does wearing a jersey erode a muslim's faith? nope, Datuk Nooh Gadot didn't elaborate. "Yes, of course in Islam we don't allow people to wear this sort of thing.", Tan Sri Harussani Zakaria added. who's "we" in Islam? a group of people with similar mindset doesn't count because there are millions of muslims. a bunch of idiots with too much time on their hands doesn't represent us as muslims, and certainly have no right to be a symbol of islam.

so i can't wear a t shirt with a cross because it represents christianity....so should i scrap of the + symbol on my calculator. should all muslims do that?

let's try it this way. islam is often symbolised by the crescent and stars. so if other religions were to think to like those clowns, should they blow up the moon or something?

please do not spam

one more spam and im closing the chat box for good. then everyone wouldn't have a sixpacks and they are gonna end up looking like homer.

it's a ford

fuel prices are going up. we need a small car with a small engine. we need......this

strumming strings

      G     Cadd9  Dsus4/F#  G/B     Em7     Dsus4 

e|----3-------3-------3-------3-------3-------3----| 

B|----3-------3-------3-------3-------3-------3----| 

G|----0-------0-------2-------0-------0-------2----| 

D|----0-------2-------0-------0-------2-------0----| 

A|----2-------3-------0-------2-------2-------x----| 

E|----3-------x-------2-------x-------0-------x----|

seven

shit. i was pretty darn close to band 6. maybe im resitting that damn test.....just maybe.

anyway, i think i managed that hill run under seven minutes. pretty impressive when one just had pizza 2 hours earlier. i've got better shoes, now to get a better time.
rain still required though =p

3rd semester. day -2

spring cleaning,

feverish and running nose,

tired, beaten, broken,

have nothing to look forward to in this lifetime.

typical monday

what do you call a string of unfortunate events befalling you in that one single day where you had hoped it to be perfect?

sabotage

four-wheeled-plank-of-wood

skateboarding=bruises+killing my back+unimaginable humiliation+a bit of an adrenaline rush

definitely gonna try that again

scars

i have scars. one of them is on my finger, my pinky. it's quite obvious and in turn, a lot of people ask me about it. i cut the story short and tell them "when i was two, i put that finger between a see saw and it sorta got crushed".

i never wear gloves, but that doesn't mean i don't try to hide it. either i walk with my right hand in the pocket, or just keep my fingers together so it wont show. i've always asked myself whether would it feel any different when i have handshakes. i don't want people to know about it. i was torn between being embarrassed about this scar or just didn't want to tell the story all over again. im not that much of a talker.

i've had this scar for 17 years now. the only way i've managed that is either by ignoring it or accepting the fact that it doesn't matter. do i pretend not to see it whenever i look at my hand or do i accept it as a part of me?

why would i ignore it? because i would be embarrassed? because its a deformity? because its a sign of a foolish mistake?

ignoring a problem would never solve it. i know that better than some. ignoring something is just another method of running away, an act of denial. it is to pretend it didn't happen. it is to constantly live in the past. im sorry but time doesn't wait for anyone.

so why not just accept the fact that i have a scar? to do that, is to admit i am somewhat incomplete, abnormal. but i guess it's better than living a lie, cause one day, i'll run out of excuses.
that's why stories should be written in pen and not pencil

keris and darwin

is a scholarship a right or a gift? do you earn it or just leave it to luck?

if there is any consistency in the pattern in how PSD award its scholarships, i dare say one race has been getting the biggest slice of the pie every year. other than that, its mechanism is an utter mess.

they talk about 1Malaysia. well, you gotta put that keris down first. i see no logic behind a system that promotes equality and unity, and still defend that special position. it's been more than 50 years, if they can't keep up, then let natural selection do its job.

cat got my tongue......that's my excuse for all the short posts. drafted hundreds of posts, only to hit backspace till the screen is blank again..and again.

i can vent here and write the longest post i've ever written. or i can just shut up and forget about it.

*flips coin*

heads.

back to killing zombies...

i need a drink

hey

im sorry
call me please

if...

if i were caught committing crime on my property, would the fact that my property was trespassed and my privacy invaded even matter in court? provided there was no warrant issued.

you know you're thinking too much when you keep hitting backspace at the end of every line.

perhaps you care about what people will say about you, how they see you and judge you. or you are not confident enough to voice your thoughts, thinking they are never blog-worthy. maybe you just don't want people to know what is going through your head right now.

"life is like a box of chocolate. you never know what you're gonna get"

random? err.....

hitting rewind

it's 2.45am.........and i just woke up.

anyway, comfort zone. everyone has their own. some have it within their reach, some have to do a fair bit of walking, some have to start searching. what happens when we are not in our comfort zone? do we try to adapt to the new environment? do we inevitably change? is that part of growing up?

it's been a while since form 5. everything has change after that. some of us went for NS, some started working, some just rotted away at home. then the results came, scholarships awarded in manners that i could only relate with complete chaos, we started going places. everything we knew was so far away.

strange new things greet us, with hostility for some. then we have new goals, new friends, new place to hang out, new lifestyle. a change.

call me retrogressive, but i want to go back before that watershed. i want to stay in memory lane. back then, the piano had so little keys.

back then, i was me.

kryptonite-free

had chemistry practical, had a dose of the classic virtua on, had a good run on anakin's racing-spaceship-god knows what, had burger king for dinner, watched prince of persia, had a good really good time. i think things are gonna get better next week.

by the way, superman can't do any of these. clark rules. =)

talking to the rain

if i just breathe

everything is alright

let if fill the space between

every minute, every wall, every inch of the floor, even the atmosphere.....were transforming into krypton. if it was hard for superman, imagine what it was like for clark.

the whole world needs superman. does anyone need clark kent?

jumping tracks

i rule public transport. definitely, maybe.

kick-ass

"Getting shot, daddy, hurt a lot more than when you did it"

"That's cause i used low-velocity rounds child"

"You're the kindest daddy in the whole world"

thank you google for reminding me of teachers day. google 1 yahoo 0

that's what they said...

maybe they are right. maybe i don't know anything about love. maybe i shouldn't be involved in it.

but then again, no one knows shit about life and everyone's doing just fine.

how many know that clark kent ever existed?

right where it belongs

that look in his eyes

said nothing short of violence and anger

with scars serving as a testament

of his dark history stained with blood

between me and him

was an awkward pause of silence

and 5 feet of foul air and metal bars

between us was a world of differences

his smirk betrayed his poker face

he began to speak, a sign of defeat in our mind game

but once his words came through

i found myself afraid to see

"are you sure what side of the glass you're on?"

the only way to avoid a cut is to keep the knife away. keep it then.

getting busy seems fun sometimes. but now, let's hit the books.

to all ktt-ians #2

im selling my one door "WING" fridge for rm250. price negotiable. yes, those fridge magnets are free too. heh. let me know if you are interested.

future ktt-ians...

i guess its time for my social obligation eh.

for those who are about to come to kolej teknologi timur under jpa scholarship, welcome to the stone age. this college sticks out in the middle of nowhere.

first of all, you will be stuck in it most of the time because you cant walk to town. if you really need to get to nilai or bbst, theres the college van or bus, but they don't run on regular basis last time i check. or you can take a cab. 6 bucks to bbst, or bandar baru salak tinggi, and 12 to nilai, one way. if you plan to go out further, there's a ktm station.

food. yes. malaysian is famous for its variety of food. but that law does not apply here. in college area, theres only 2 cafes, malay and mamak. then you have the stalls in front of the main gate, only gate actually. walk down the hill if you fancy a malay restaurant which i've never been to. the food here isn't so bad, in terms of taste and price.

the house you'll be living in is a small apt, with 2 rooms and 1 bathroom. 4 people in one house, 2 in each room. for that, each of you will get a study table and chair, and bed with mattress that wont improve your spine condition. theres a ceiling fan for the main living room and 1 stand fan in each room. personally for me, theres plenty of space in the house. i could fit my desktop and still occupy the least space in the house. key is arrangement. maximise the space and you bring lots of stuff in. the bathroom has a shower, at least mine does. and theres 2 balconies, one facing the inside of the building and the other facing outside. the kitchen is kinda small for you to cook, so the electric cooker might come in handy since its small and you're not paying for electritcity.

there is a minimart here. you can get your top ups and basically get simple groceries. the mart provides laundry services. or you can opt for the public washing machine at the back of the building near the badminton court. but seriously, go to the mart, or do your own laundry. another important thing is water supply. its clean enough for bathing but im not so sure for drinking. unless you have a filter system, boiling the water won't be enough. so you have a water vending machine at each block, 20 sen for a litre. if you up for a cheaper source, theres the water cooler. but the water won't be as crystal clear.

for muslim dudes, you have to bring a black baju melayu for friday and you have to wear them during classes. but don't take it so seriously. if you want to go pink, im sure lecturers wont hold a grudge against you. songkok and sampin is a must buy for certain events, but for classes, its optional. and there's a free bus service to the mosque for friday prayers. for daily prayers, you have the surau at the girls' block.

theres no atm machine inside the college. the closest is in bbst, and theres a free bus or van service on certain days. and if you happen to get sick, theres the van which will send you to the clinic, private or govt, your choice. but if you're desperate and the vans are busy, they will send you using the college car. the very least, the lecturer on duty will send you.

theres no extra-curricular activities except on sports day and art festival. you're most probably free in the evening. there's badminton, futsal, netball and pingpong. but dont expect stadium like facilities. theres a park nearby for those who like to jog or take a walk.

every thursday, theres a pasar malam, again, free bus service. you can walk there if you want to skip the waiting and standing in the bus moments. its not that far, bout 15 minutes of walking i guess.

for those who need internet access, you have two options. ktt wifi, which is completely obsolete to me, or broadband. check out new promotions and you can get yourself a decent deal. 50 a month aint so much to stay connected.

in bbst, theres a few banks, 7 eleven and kfc. i think theres a clinic somewhere there too. you get more stuff in nilai. theres giant hypermaket, kfc, pizza hut, mcdonalds, a&w, oldtown white coffee, textile stores, electrical store, furniture store. basically just like every other town.

for those who couldnt live without tuition, theres one near nilai. for inquiries, the dude's name is ravin and his number is 0129876777. no, im not getting a single cent of commission. he's got awesome lecturers for chemistry and math. and he provides tuition for physics too. rates arent fixed yet. but let him know if you're interested.

finally, for those who are wondering what should you bring. save yourself the trouble and buy the basic stuff in town instead of carrying them with you. just bring your clothes, formal and casual and sports and documents and personal stuff.. i dont know about you, but here's the list of my things :

1. 2 shelves, 1 for books, the other for random stuff
2. electric kettle, which i barely use.
3. broom and mop and brush.
4. extension plugs
5. tupperwares for your food
6. bug repellent, just in case
7. hangers and some ropes for laundry
8. electric stove
9. small fridge
10. washing machine
11. desktop
12. some cups and plates
13. shoe rack
14. iron and iron board
15. 2 pails
16. an extra mattress for bed (pillows provided)
17. padlock for cupboard
18. a mirror

thats it i suppose. any inquiries, leave a comment. heres a link to another ktt-ian blog with photos. and dont buy the textbooks just yet once you're here. look around for cheaper ones.

when will i walk on water?

yes, i know AS is coming. yes, i know i screwed my pre-AS up. and yes, i know i should be doing math right now.

but im bored. i know i just got back from kl, and i had a good time. but i guess i need a little more time to empty my head, siphoning random thoughts and ramblings onto this space.

back to being emo? perhaps. how else can one explain why i suddenly am not looking forward to anything. not the stupid speaking test tomorrow, not AS, not the 2 weeks break, not the third semester. nothing. i don't want time to move now. just stop. yes, im scared. of everything. of failing and seeing myself as nothing but as a failure. of rejection. of endless possibilities of things going wrong.

i just want to sleep. but 2 tablets wont do. shit.

might as well go for lifetime achievement award now

the unknown

that dark corner is growing,

without form,

consuming everything,

taking away the gift of sight,

in exchange of fear.

i am chained,

my body no longer serves me but my eye,

ever staring at what used to be that dark corner,

giving birth to my nightmares.

blindness is a cancer,

for it spreads inside of me,

stealing warmth from within,

the only thing left to feel.

i fear the dark,

and i can never escape it,

so whenever the last ray of light abandons me,

i pray you won't.

change

from red sheet to glasses.

muallaf

"Miss, you guys don't seem to have courses on theology."

"HEH?"

"Umm, comparative religions?"

"Meh?"

"Ok. How about sociology of religion?"

"Why would anyone want to study that?"

"Why not?"

"What for? No use ah. Our courses prepare our students for the life they have ahead."

"Ok, what about the death that lies ahead?"

"Prepare for death for what?"

"Because it's more certain than life."

-Rohani-

McPao

a drive to nowhere but for a mcflurry and kaya pao. made my day. thanks fa.

and i truly advocate the idea of mcdonald's making KAYA MCPAO

chemistry 101

flame : blue

content : releases gas

plastic test tube holder : deformed

focus : none

results : fucked chemistry practical and ended up burning my finger. nice going.

Dean, the referee for the recent MU vs Chelsea match was demoted, together with the assistant referee Simon Beck for failing to call drogba's offside goal. true, the goal shouldn't be allowed because it was so clear that it was an offside. but that's only the tip of the iceberg.

"It follows Dean's failure to award penalties for United, when Yuri Zhirkov tripped Park Ji-sung, and Chelsea, when Gary Neville barged into Nicolas Anelka. The 41-year-old also allowed Federico Macheda's goal to stand, rather than awarding a handball against the teenager."

if everyone wants a video replay of the match, the game wouldn't be the same. so what if drogba's goal doesn't count, maybe MU would be able to score another shot and win the match, or perhaps they would have been awarded penalties and annihilate Chelsea. what if it should have been a draw and Chelsea wouldn't be on top of the scoreboard, which consequently result in MU's victory in the EPL. the possibilities are endless, and what-if's can go both ways, favoring Chelsea as well.

the match is over. so get over it. because if drogba's winning goal should be disallowed, someone have to rewrite 1986.

when

thoughts echo chaos,

feelings are ambivalent,

running isn't enough,

words don't find their way,

darkness is consuming,

time slows down,

home is far away,

warmth is missing,

songs drown the world,

the first step is always too big,

the key is lost,

memories are fading away,

questions become too much,

hyde awakes,

the past fits into just one box,

tomorrow doesn't get better,

love happens,

acceptance is longed for,

fear is eating from the inside,

a movement triggers curiosity,

the wind means life,

voices start shouting,

morning is unwelcoming,

a kiss means more than anyone could think,

then maybe you know me.

he could have worn it on the inside......

what measures beyond choice?
obligation?
responsibility?
emotion?

did superman came into existence by choice or by circumstance?

Juno

"I know people are supposed to fall in love before they reproduce, but, i guess normalcy's not really our style."

-Juno MacGuff-

in the middle of exam week now. so far, i think im about to fail physics. but my math is getting better. so it's a give and take thing. with AS coming inching nearer, i really should bury myself in books, notes and exercises and cut social ties with everyone and live purely for the sake of nailing that exam. but then again, i always do things i shouldn't. rebellious? i wonder if that is the general characteristic of being the second in the family.

update done.

3.13.13

singing on the phone at 3am with my housemates around.....yea, i'm in love.

Inglourious Basterds

"Got us a German here who wants to die for country

Oblige him"

-Lt. Aldo Raine-

a good monday....finally

had a good time today. and and and everysinglechipinmypringlesareinperfectshapewoooohoooo
and yea i love you too =)

have superman ever needed anything? other than a costume makeover....

messed up calendar

it's halfway through march, and there is only one thing i can say about it now.

CAN WE JUST GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH?

becoming hyde

i'm really losing it this time. it's like seeing yourself becoming what you hate from a distance, no matter how much you try to wake up, no matter how much you shout at yourself to stop, no matter what you do. you are powerless, losing the battle within yourself, to an enemy you've never encountered before. the enemy, that hurts you, by hurting those who you love.

i am becoming more and more like hyde. do i have to do what jekyll did to make it stop?

about a boy

maybe im not meant for big stuff, maybe im not meant to reach the final page.
maybe....i am nothing

clarification

there's so much going through my mind right now. not quite sure whether i can make words out of them, but i think i know whom exactly i lost faith in.

throughout my early childhood, i've been told, especially during islamic classes that islam is a complete religion, whereby it encompasses almost everything there is to think of. that islam is an "ad-din" or a way of life, i quote mysteryman. maybe im a bit of a fallibilist, and an inquisitive one too. maybe i like testing out everything, trying to prove something otherwise before accepting it. maybe that's just the way i am. and perhaps, while being all that, i might have been rude, offensive, or even inconsiderate if you really want to go that far. it wasn't the best thing to do writing that post "equivocal equality" in such manner, because now i look back at it and given the same position i put others in, i would find it insulting, demeaning and lost, without anything vivid of what i really wanted to say. this i hope, would make it up to you people.

like i said, it's in my nature to question things, see how they work. partly, that's the reason why my toys don't survive my childhood years, mostly, i just can't take care of my stuff. i see something, i try to understand it, i test it, i try to know how it works, on what principle. the same thing applies to ideologies, principles. i try to know how all these work. in a fair discovery of knowledge, or enlightenment if you want to put it that way, one need to consider an arguement from each side.

years of listening about the good side about islam, i deemed it would be redundant to agree. thus, my objection came about.

i knew something that gave me rest. that stopped me from questioning any further. and im ashamed to say i had forgotten what it was. islam indeed is a guide about living. and the koran is the guide in a concrete form. re-written, read, understood, preached and practised. the koran, if i may, is complete because it left us a room for our intellect to take part in it. it doesn't dictate what we must do. it convinces, it preaches softly. not with iron claws but with gentle words. it says what it must and it leaves the rest to our own understanding.

the koran is meant for everyone. i'll make it clear. it is meant to be read by everyone, by themselves. one's understanding of the koran must be gained directly, nothing tangential. because everyone has their own way of understanding and perception. and by that, they are held responsible of their's.

it is not right to force an idea, or teaching onto someone. the koran never does this. but sadly people are. they shove their own understanding of the koran down people's throat. the koran itself, is understood in several different major sects. what i have been told back then came from one of these sects. and i have my fair share of disagreement and objection.

i have no qualms with god or the koran. my fight is against people, who uses the koran to gain a certain position, or be entitled to a certain right, or forces his own perception onto others.

with these, i hope i have made my stand clear. and im sorry for being a complete ass in the last post. i am but a novice, and i happen to make mistakes, a lot apparently. so this is my apology to those who were and still are offended.

now, time to move on and just live with an abundance of joie de vivre.

what's missing?

book - check

paper clips - check

paper - check

white shirt - check

time to make my own day

when angry...

don't punch the wall, fold and cut paper. it doesn't help one bit, but it does take the hours away and saves your knuckles.

spring cleaning

the best part of spring cleaning is when you lie down on the floor, battered, staring at the fan, trying to catch the spinning blades with your eyes and fall asleep when you're done.

you never really realise how far you've walked till you turn around and see the number of street lights you've passed.

if you keep looking ahead, the road just blends with the horizon and it never ends.

so i always look at my shoes when i walk. sometimes, im lucky enough to find another pair next to mine.

equivocal equality

islamic studies offers an interesting insight on islam and its stand on gender equality, or rather, the absence of it.

i take into account the possibilities of my fellow coursemates that might be reading my blog, more specifically, this post. or even lecturers who know their way round the blogosphere. but i doubt anyone would attack what would seem to be thoughts of a young and inexperienced mind.

from what i understand, in islam, a wife is to obey a husband even to the extremes. nothing beyond self preservation, but a simple example of a wife wanting to pay her last respect to her father who just passed away but denied permission by the husband. by which, in this religion, the wife has no say and have to obey the husband. indeed, this is wrong, even in islam, because a son or daughther is to remain loyal to his or her parents. to counter this oxymoron, islam places the sin on the husband. fair enough? for those who choose to believe in judgement day, don't you think justice needs to be swift? if indeed, islam is for this temporary world and the hereafter, why does such punishment needs to wait for till the end of days? why not now? why not before it is too late? before the wife suffers from depression from failing to fulfill her duty as a daughter to her father? i believe, when a person wrongs another, justice is served in this world, and when a person wrongs god, himself, his faith or anything within the context of being abstract, then he needs to pay in the other world.

another interesting issue is polygamy. if indeed, men and women are equal, why is it a man can marry up to four women and a woman have to stick with only one man? a wife cannot object if her husband wants to take a second wife. so where does this put women? i may not know anything about marriage, or love for that matter, but i believe it is a sacred bond between two people. it can't be shared. correct me if im wrong, but i dont even think animals have multiple partners at the same time. and yet muslims insult darwin when he compared homo sapiens to animals. yeah, nice going.

in fact, a father can force his daughter into marriage, even if she doesnt like the husband to be. equality? freedom? islam? they dont belong in the same sentence.

in my defense, i could be wrong....prove it. heh

"love like you've never been hurt"

thanks nabila.

the digital world may be a convenience to most, perhaps a luxury to some. but there are those little things that can't be taken away no matter how much technology is progressing.

like crumpling a piece of paper and throwing it at the wall.

asdasdasd

here's a list of what my sagem says whenever i try to charge it :

1. battery charging
2. battery charged
3. incompletely charged
4. insufficient power to charge
5. unauthorized charger

all from the same phone, charger and socket...yea, its going crazy

7am

i like waking up early. so i can turn the speaker on and start singing without my roommates gazing at me.
when can i wake up early just to see you next to me?

i miss those times

when all of us crammed into one car and wander aimlessly to go makan while drinking slurpee.

when we looked all over town to find swings that weren't occupied by little kids. and when we found one, i could sit there for hours and just look at the sky.

when we would all gather at someone's house and just chill out with games, or movies, or just random stuff.

when we would make jokes about each other and no one would take any offence.

when i could look at a piece of paper and start writing.

when i could take my 10 years old leerun and cycle everywhere.

when we would go to the field and just fly kites, and make it go so high, the string would snap and we would try to chase it.

when i can turn around and see familiar faces.

when i can talk and talk and come up with random shit at the centre of the discipline room.

when i could find my way around school with my eyes closed.

when i could barely finish a lap around the field in time, and still see people cheering for me.

when we would skip class and just spent the rest of the day debating or involved ourselves in drama.

when i could see teachers speak their minds like i've never seen before.

when i dont have to turn on the lights to sleep.

when i dont feel so alone.

when i would sneak into their room to get the psp and see them sleeping.

when i could sit in the passenger seat and just look out the window.

when we could drive all the way down to the johor border and turn back to kl for no reason.

when we could whisper to each other and make fun about strangers passing by.

when i could just lie down on the floor and look at the ceiling till i fall asleep.

i miss those two years.

when time stops

two and a half hours of being in a bus during a massive traffic congestion was a slow painful death. i wish i had brought my mp3, i wish my handphone had more battery life, i wish i could talk to someone there
i wish i could turn to my right and see you falling asleep on my shoulder

sometimes an "ok" just won't do, i need a smile too...

day two

nothing beats the feeling of being caught in the rain
.....ok, maybe a kiss, just maybe. heh

law abiding citizen

"i believe those cots are bolted into the cells"
"well that's what wrenches are for, dumbass"

the brothers bloom

"when i was five, i got really bad rashes and allergies and hay fever. so my mom took me to the doctor, and he did that test where they used needles to prick a grid on your back with different toxins on them, you know, to see which one you're allergic to. next day, i come in, the doctor lifts my shirt, and my back is a patch of oily, moldy, blackish-green double-puff marshmallows. i was allergic to everything. so they sealed the house with plastic and a special ventilation system, and i spent the rest of my childhood and adoloscence indoors, alone, lonely.
it wasn't till i was 19 they discovered what i was actually allergic to was the aluminum alloy the hypodermic needles were made out of. then i was gona leave, but my mom got sick. so i stayed. she stayed sick a really long time.

the trick to not feeling cheated is to learn how to cheat.

so, i decided this wasn't a story about a miserable girl trapped in a house that smelled like medical supplies, wasting her life on a dying person she sometimes hated. no.

this was a story about a girl who could find infinite beauty in anything, any little thing. and even love the person she was trapped with"


-penelope stamp-