day thirty

so you are almost there. this is your last letter. finish this letter and you are going to complete that stupid letter challenge you took in the first place. you have no idea what the challenge is for, and you have no idea why you took it. perhaps because you want to do some soul searching. it kinda worked. heck, you're talking to yourself now. do it in public and you'll have to see a shrink soon.

so you have to talk to at least 29 other people before you can talk to yourself huh. sure a long wait just to beat the crap out of yourself. what are you afraid of? what angers you? what makes you turn cold but still try to fake a smile? maybe certain things are best left unsaid after all.

what is bothering you? you've done everything you can think of, and you're not asking for much. but even that doesn't turn out right. you give it your best and fate still manages to fuck it up. maybe your best is not good enough and it will never be. maybe you should just give up. maybe you can't fight fate. you can try but it's a losing battle. you don't really care that your grades were bad, the fact that you're kinda alone in college, or you were so close to hitting your housemate, or all that shitty nightmares you've been getting. you just want to feel belonged. maybe that's why you want to go home so badly. maybe that's why you try so hard to make the people you love happy. but nothing is right.

you're never gonna be superman.