there is a huge difference between my blog and my essay, and one of the obvious would be the title. for my essays, i always get the title 1st, for this blog, its the last thing to do, or maybe halfway through typing.
i write the title 1st in my essays to remind me what it is about and not to get lost and confused caused by unknown factors. but for the blog, well, aren't people supposed to do anything they like here, including getting their thought messed up?
if i were to type the title down now, it would be the rm5 apple/how kind the debate team is/my new ouran soundtrack/my computer is a piece of junk. so maybe when i get everything down, i choose which one goes up there. to kick off, the apple that costs 5 bucks each, which i saw in giant. the label got this sentence that made me burst into laughters in front of, well, everybody...."grape-flavored apple". why would anyone buy apples that taste like grape? if you want to taste grapes, go buy them, if you want to bite apples, buy them as well, if you want both, again, buy them. has grapes extinct in this world and become so ridiculously expensive to the extent they have to put some grape-like artificial flavor in apples? ok, that show how much bio-tech can do, but for the sake of sanity, why? its like cloning more people like bodohi.....sure it can be done, why i dont see any good in that. i dont care if its a cliche, its pointless.
the second title, the debate team.........i shall keep that to myself, though thats not what i usually do. about ouran,..............its not quran, its ouran with an "O", enough confusion people. oh yeah, i got the soundtrack from wenyi, and listening to it now, and somehow, the music just turns into noise most of the time......cant see to figure out why. since my bro came back from shah alam, my pc just deteriorated into a mere typing machine. before this, i only had trouble when im trying to view friendster and youtube, after upgrading my internet explorer, everything just went back to 1970s, this is not snail mail, this is smoke signal i tell you......and getting firefox didnt help out either, my computer is worm-free, no virus, no porn in my drive....yes, im not lying and i dont have my fingers crossed.......its supposed to be normal, but no, god forbid, its not!!! i had to wait for half an hour to view my inbox, another 20 minutes to sign in to my own blog. though friendster and youtube is accessible, it feels longer than singing negaraku. on an unrelated note, i cant sign in to msn this whole day too......been trying for countless of times, and its not working!
.....................................................................................................................................................................
to the main thing.....choosing the title. maybe it doesnt matter to you, it didnt to me, until the light guided me out of the cave (c'mon, i'll cut the crap, that shit is killin me)....it didnt matter to me until i compared it with a goal or course in one's life.
do you decide whats your life going to be, or do you just sit back and watch how things go about themselves, then you decide what was/is your life about.
for some, they have fix goals in life. i must get straight As, must marry a rich guy, must get out of this country, must do this, must do that, bla bla bla. they set a goal for themselves with the hope of achieving it....so everything is set....they got a map, they got the checkpoints, all they need to do is pass through each checkpoint until they cross the finishing line.....fun? it might be more secured but i'll leave "fun" to your judgement. or do you like to wander aimlessly and decide how much you've journeyed by looking back?
one is about planning ahead......one is about preparing for anything, expect the unexpected ( its called being indifferent). having an aim is a good thing, because you'll know where to go, but that means having hope...hope is great, yeah, its the only thing that makes human live today. without hopes, crash test dummies would invade humanity and start strapping us in a proton saga in a head-on collision without airbags just to let us know what it felt like to them. but, always a catch eh.........hope means expectation, demands which always have room for failure. so i decided to marry hye gyo in the future, and when i finally realise that its nothing but daydreaming, whats left for me? all my efforts and time has been spent towards that goal, but failure never leave mankind alone. so what? my life has practically gone to waste? maybe that example wasnt good enough, but thats the only thing i managed to come up with now. failure isnt pleasing, the higher your demands are, the bitter the failure tastes......that is of course not so bad if you can swallow what fate can throw at you, but the number of people committing suicide is increasing eh? what does that tell you? to dream something very possible isnt dreaming, its not hope, thats just not fun. wheres the fun in setting a goal to survive form 5? people should dream big, thats how planes were invented, thats how ford finally made a good car, the GT40, thats how we got the thing we have today.....without big dreams, there wont be any significance at all in your life or other's. big dreams made big things real, but that also may lead to even bigger disappointment and despondency. so its down to each individual, whether they can face failures and progress along the way.
of course, theres always an alternative to this....that is getting the title later. its more of trying new things, and see which do you prefer more, in any way, then decide whether you are going to make it part of your life. you cant possibly like what you dont know, can you? you cant say cycling is boring until you try it out, then perhaps you'll agree with me, that the closer you are to skin your knees, the more interesting it gets. so maybe one can decide whats best for himself after gaining sufficient experience. and upon that agreement, you would also accept anything the gods/god/coincidence/bad luck can throw at you, get over it, and move on. you cant deny the fact that shit happens and life is about getting over it.....calling indahwater isnt an option here....theres no lifeline is life, what an irony. but say that person just so happen only reacts to challenges, which might be lacking in his life, causing him to be nothing more than dust...its kind of pathetic too.
and the fact that i do both and still end up where i am now tells you that doing both isnt the solution either. then what is? maybe figuring that out can be a challenge itself...see, i didnt plan for that....haha
i've conquered nurburgring again!
to make you understand the title up there, you should really play GT4, gran turismo 4, enter arcade mode, select single player, go to world circuits, pick the first track, the nurburgring, choose a car, any car you want, do whatever you want with the settings, but just set the difficulty to the max (10)........all thats left to do is race agaisnt better cars driven by AIs that have perfect knowledge of the track, and not to mention perfect racing line, of course with perfect steering, acceleration, braking......bla bla bla. win that race, then its either the car you chose is superb, or you should try out the real track one day.
today is teacher's day......and all i did was wish some teachers, sit outside the hall for i dont know how long, injured my eardrums, but the best part was when i got back, i switched on my ps, adjust my tv setting that always sets itself to default everytime i switch it off, take the GT4 disc and play. i've been trying to win that particular lap for three days, THREE DAYS, and third time's the charm eh?
yeah, its hard, and thats why im so syok sendiri-ing now. the road is bumpy, the other cars weigh 200kg lighter than yours and have extra 200 horsepowers, and being AI, they know exactly when the next corner is coming........but me, heck, i had to memorise the whole lap.....you cant see where the next corner will be, and when you can, you'd lost your apex point, you jammed on the brakes, your car goes into massive understeer or oversteer, and you'd be hitting the wall. thats not all, the inner side of the corners always have these small red and white bumps which means you cant turn in too early, because when you do, the moment your wheels touch them, you'd lost traction and your car would go like a crazy dog. those sand traps and mud traps are such a pain in the ass if you get stuck in them....its taking forever to get out.
how i come to memorise the track? i have to complete the whole lap in under a given time with some shit mercerdes clk something which goes insane when you steer too hard without, WITHOUT getting all four wheels across the stupid road line at the sides, banging any wall, or hitting the safety car in front to pass the license test. yup, you'd have to do that....and do it again in the next test without that stupid and slow safety car and you are given a mercerdes evo clk, which is a very good car with unbelievable abilities despite its looks.
so going on the same track isnt so bad, until you found yourself racing against other cars, really fast cars! the first time i tried to race like in the 1st paragraph, i chose the chevrolet camaro LM edition, and no, its not bumblebee! its a front engine, rear wheel drive racing car, with heavenly handling.....one of the best handling cars in the game, trust me. it corners just like when you want it to, no oversteer, no understeer, and the best part, you can trust the brakes more than yourself. this is a car which you can drive into a hairpin, and brake only when you see the wall coming to your face, you'd panic, you'd think your doomed, you'd think your dead, you'd be wrong! if i can really drive that car in real life, i can do 200km/h on the road without any fear of running over any old lady crossing the road, the brakes can stop the earth from spinning! so yeah, the car was great, and i won the race......160 something points. but that was last year.
few days ago, i got this amemiya RX-7, which is originally from mazda, and has a rotary engine, so theres no pistons in this car. the result.......lighter engine that produce more horsepower despite its capacity. the new rx-8 with its 1.3 litre engine can produce 200 over horsepower, a saga with its 1.3 litre engine will struggle to reach half of that. amemiya is a tuning company that specialises in rotary engine, so thats why its got the name there. i got the car, with 300hp something, race against the alpha romeo, the mitsubishi fto......and i won too. like the camaro, this car is a front engine rear wheel drive car, and it handles like a neuro surgeon. i can overtake another car just before entering a hairpin with the rx-7, that is something! the brakes too, are incredible, the traction is like glue, the cornering is never too late, you can enter any corner at any speed, but just dont hit the stupid bumps at the sides because when you do, this car goes out of hand. after countless time doing the lap, finally i won that too. teacher's day some more. buahahaha, best teacher's day ever!
by the way, happy teacher's day to everyone, hmm, ok, almost everyone.
today is teacher's day......and all i did was wish some teachers, sit outside the hall for i dont know how long, injured my eardrums, but the best part was when i got back, i switched on my ps, adjust my tv setting that always sets itself to default everytime i switch it off, take the GT4 disc and play. i've been trying to win that particular lap for three days, THREE DAYS, and third time's the charm eh?
yeah, its hard, and thats why im so syok sendiri-ing now. the road is bumpy, the other cars weigh 200kg lighter than yours and have extra 200 horsepowers, and being AI, they know exactly when the next corner is coming........but me, heck, i had to memorise the whole lap.....you cant see where the next corner will be, and when you can, you'd lost your apex point, you jammed on the brakes, your car goes into massive understeer or oversteer, and you'd be hitting the wall. thats not all, the inner side of the corners always have these small red and white bumps which means you cant turn in too early, because when you do, the moment your wheels touch them, you'd lost traction and your car would go like a crazy dog. those sand traps and mud traps are such a pain in the ass if you get stuck in them....its taking forever to get out.
how i come to memorise the track? i have to complete the whole lap in under a given time with some shit mercerdes clk something which goes insane when you steer too hard without, WITHOUT getting all four wheels across the stupid road line at the sides, banging any wall, or hitting the safety car in front to pass the license test. yup, you'd have to do that....and do it again in the next test without that stupid and slow safety car and you are given a mercerdes evo clk, which is a very good car with unbelievable abilities despite its looks.
so going on the same track isnt so bad, until you found yourself racing against other cars, really fast cars! the first time i tried to race like in the 1st paragraph, i chose the chevrolet camaro LM edition, and no, its not bumblebee! its a front engine, rear wheel drive racing car, with heavenly handling.....one of the best handling cars in the game, trust me. it corners just like when you want it to, no oversteer, no understeer, and the best part, you can trust the brakes more than yourself. this is a car which you can drive into a hairpin, and brake only when you see the wall coming to your face, you'd panic, you'd think your doomed, you'd think your dead, you'd be wrong! if i can really drive that car in real life, i can do 200km/h on the road without any fear of running over any old lady crossing the road, the brakes can stop the earth from spinning! so yeah, the car was great, and i won the race......160 something points. but that was last year.
few days ago, i got this amemiya RX-7, which is originally from mazda, and has a rotary engine, so theres no pistons in this car. the result.......lighter engine that produce more horsepower despite its capacity. the new rx-8 with its 1.3 litre engine can produce 200 over horsepower, a saga with its 1.3 litre engine will struggle to reach half of that. amemiya is a tuning company that specialises in rotary engine, so thats why its got the name there. i got the car, with 300hp something, race against the alpha romeo, the mitsubishi fto......and i won too. like the camaro, this car is a front engine rear wheel drive car, and it handles like a neuro surgeon. i can overtake another car just before entering a hairpin with the rx-7, that is something! the brakes too, are incredible, the traction is like glue, the cornering is never too late, you can enter any corner at any speed, but just dont hit the stupid bumps at the sides because when you do, this car goes out of hand. after countless time doing the lap, finally i won that too. teacher's day some more. buahahaha, best teacher's day ever!
by the way, happy teacher's day to everyone, hmm, ok, almost everyone.
kiasu-ness......
im not sure what kiasu really means, but a friend told me it is something about afraid of losing, or being left behind........in english......i assume its being competitive.
i've seen a lot of kiasu people.......too many perhaps. being kiasu is not all bad. most parents are kiasu.....they just want their kids to be number 1 in class, to beat all the other kids.....then the kids get influenced. "you have to be the best", "you must not lose to anyone else", "ibrahim nombor 1"........yeah, its a kiasu motto too, dumb school!
being competitive is fine, without it, forget progress, forget technological advancement, forget evolution.......survival of the fittest. competition is about justifying others......like animals fighting......they fight for survival, and the stronger one wins, and continue to live, justifying the existence of loser.....its nature. but is life about being competitive?.....is life a competition? a race?
kiasu people in studies is great. you have competition, you have better results....who wants to be the last in class? but inevitably, someone's bound to get last position, unless everyone gets the same results. so the does the top 10 justify the bottom ten? i gotta say yes, but only in academics. so im fine if kiasu-ness is limited to studies. but too bad that aint true. kiasu-ness is daily practice nowadays.
prove? prove? traffic lights......everyone, almost EVERYONE is so keen to go first when the lights turn green/white(cant see). those who just floor down the throttle......and risk killing some old lady crossing the road. they even hit the red light! oh yeah, cutting queue, parking, overtaking.......how...easy, when you overtake the fella because he's doing 30km/h, he gets pissed off and jams the gas, overtake you back, then slow down again in front of you. what a stupid thing to do! hell no, not only road, though i'd like more attention to be given to that first, its everywhere.
but why be kiasu if theres nothing to lose? sure you'll be in front of me for 6 seconds, until we arrive at the next red light, i'll be next to you again, and this process repeats all the way from my house to school. you will only be vaporising that fuel of yours, ruin your clutch and look sily. kiasu-ness leads to selfishness, courtesy just flies out of the window.
to all kiasu people out there who are so full of kiasu-ness, let me ask you one thing......if you treat life as competition, then what of the losers? what if you are losers? like i said, your presence is justified by a better person if you lose, so if you worship kiasu-ness so much, are you willing to pay the price when you lose? nobody wins forever, the table can turn, just wait for it.
im sick of facing those idiotic kiasus who cant accept it when they lose. they just go blamming everything, telling everyone why the other dudes shouldnt have won........whats done is done, it was a fair fight, you and your team lost, even though you should go die out of shame, all im asking is silence.....grow up, shut up, move on. clinging on to the past will do you any good, in fact, cling on it for too long, then you have to get your car a new paint job.
so if you cant bear the consequences of losing, dont be so full of kiasu-ness. its always about "me", everything must be "fair" to "me". so when you win, you deserve it, when you lose, they didnt deserve it. "fair" is good, or beneficial to them......anything go wrong, its not fair, then who's to blame....the winner, for being better, the judges, for being just, the audience, for clapping. then you should blame your mouth for channelling your senseless thoughts and turn them to words, the mike for amplifying your foolishness, or maybe the stage for enabling others to see how you make a fool of yourself.......want to blame god here? sure go ahead, blame him for not turning you into a cow, which match your level of intelligence.
competiton is all about playing fair and proving who's better. if you still want to treat life as competition, be my guest, and prepare to lose......im always ready to pay for it, but are you? no?.....then change, or get out from my sight. i recommend you to live with your kind of people in an island or something....wait, there is already an island for that....hahahahaha.
i've seen a lot of kiasu people.......too many perhaps. being kiasu is not all bad. most parents are kiasu.....they just want their kids to be number 1 in class, to beat all the other kids.....then the kids get influenced. "you have to be the best", "you must not lose to anyone else", "ibrahim nombor 1"........yeah, its a kiasu motto too, dumb school!
being competitive is fine, without it, forget progress, forget technological advancement, forget evolution.......survival of the fittest. competition is about justifying others......like animals fighting......they fight for survival, and the stronger one wins, and continue to live, justifying the existence of loser.....its nature. but is life about being competitive?.....is life a competition? a race?
kiasu people in studies is great. you have competition, you have better results....who wants to be the last in class? but inevitably, someone's bound to get last position, unless everyone gets the same results. so the does the top 10 justify the bottom ten? i gotta say yes, but only in academics. so im fine if kiasu-ness is limited to studies. but too bad that aint true. kiasu-ness is daily practice nowadays.
prove? prove? traffic lights......everyone, almost EVERYONE is so keen to go first when the lights turn green/white(cant see). those who just floor down the throttle......and risk killing some old lady crossing the road. they even hit the red light! oh yeah, cutting queue, parking, overtaking.......how...easy, when you overtake the fella because he's doing 30km/h, he gets pissed off and jams the gas, overtake you back, then slow down again in front of you. what a stupid thing to do! hell no, not only road, though i'd like more attention to be given to that first, its everywhere.
but why be kiasu if theres nothing to lose? sure you'll be in front of me for 6 seconds, until we arrive at the next red light, i'll be next to you again, and this process repeats all the way from my house to school. you will only be vaporising that fuel of yours, ruin your clutch and look sily. kiasu-ness leads to selfishness, courtesy just flies out of the window.
to all kiasu people out there who are so full of kiasu-ness, let me ask you one thing......if you treat life as competition, then what of the losers? what if you are losers? like i said, your presence is justified by a better person if you lose, so if you worship kiasu-ness so much, are you willing to pay the price when you lose? nobody wins forever, the table can turn, just wait for it.
im sick of facing those idiotic kiasus who cant accept it when they lose. they just go blamming everything, telling everyone why the other dudes shouldnt have won........whats done is done, it was a fair fight, you and your team lost, even though you should go die out of shame, all im asking is silence.....grow up, shut up, move on. clinging on to the past will do you any good, in fact, cling on it for too long, then you have to get your car a new paint job.
so if you cant bear the consequences of losing, dont be so full of kiasu-ness. its always about "me", everything must be "fair" to "me". so when you win, you deserve it, when you lose, they didnt deserve it. "fair" is good, or beneficial to them......anything go wrong, its not fair, then who's to blame....the winner, for being better, the judges, for being just, the audience, for clapping. then you should blame your mouth for channelling your senseless thoughts and turn them to words, the mike for amplifying your foolishness, or maybe the stage for enabling others to see how you make a fool of yourself.......want to blame god here? sure go ahead, blame him for not turning you into a cow, which match your level of intelligence.
competiton is all about playing fair and proving who's better. if you still want to treat life as competition, be my guest, and prepare to lose......im always ready to pay for it, but are you? no?.....then change, or get out from my sight. i recommend you to live with your kind of people in an island or something....wait, there is already an island for that....hahahahaha.
bold statements
read the ones in bold........
i have a cell phone.
i have friends that use me. (not sure bout that, maybe its the other way round)
i am an only child.
i love dangly earrings.
i love cold weather.
i'm obsessed with the computer.
i have shot a gun before.
i can't live without music.
i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
i have ridden on a motorcycle before....as a passenger
i'll be in this town forever.
i've been to 5 other countries.
i get annoyed easily.....that depends
i eventually want kids.
i have neat handwriting......yeah rite!
i have more than a few horrible memories.....this is where lamnesia fails me,
i am addicted to chocolate....and now, its peanut butter too
i am an atheist.....hhmm, agnostic
i love airplane rides. when theres turbulence
i love taking pictures......need a real digicam la
i hate people who are fake. im am too
i can be mean when i want to.
my parents care about my grades.
one of my best friends is a girl.
i have way too many wallets.
i'm obsessed with lip gloss.
i am easy to talk to.
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily..... wish thats true
i hate when people are late.
i procrastinate.
i love winter.
i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
i love to sleep.
i wish i were smarter
i'm afraid of flying.
i hate drama.
i bite my nails.
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents.
i love the beach.
i have never had the chicken pox.
i have gone out in public in my pajamas.
i can't control my emotions.
i have a best friend......no say bout this one
i have moved more than once.
i truly love my friends.....whats love?
i have braces.
i have never broken a bone..almost though
i hate my computer.
i love girls that play the drums.
i state the obvious.
i'm a happy person.....i know who is, but its not me
i love to dance.
i love to sing......in the car, its good to sing instead of cursing those idiots on the road
i love cleaning my room....need a maid
i tend to get jealous very easily
i love cute underwear.
i love night better than day.
i don't like to study for tests....who doesnt?
i have been on the phone for over 5 hours.
i am too forgiving.
i have horrible sense of direction.
i miss elementary school.
i'm a daddy's boy/girl.
i love the color pink.
i love to sew....but i can
my eye color changes.
i should see a therapist.
i played on a girls sports team.
i become stressed easily
.i hate/detest liars.
i love the smell of rain.
i love my family.......?
i hate needles.
i am a perfectionist.
i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
i hate the feeling of failure.
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook. yeah, hell yeah, and its not masak air
i can be quite selfish.
at times, i still act like a little kid....cant u tell?
i have food allergies.
i love to read....*achoooh!
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.
i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
i hate being alone.
i love summer.
i love the weekends.
i love black eyeliner.
i think I'm a looker.....hahahaha
i type with one hand......sometimes
i live in a one story house.
i wear make-up.
i have never rode on an underground subway.
i can't swim.....cant even float!
i have bad memories.
i go to church......hahahaha
i sing in the shower....no, in the car, CAR!
i hate cheerleaders.
i usually get what i want.......wish thats true too
i have been on stage before.....but dont like it
i love roller coasters.
no one knows my full story of my life.
i am close to my parents.
i don't have a curfew.
taken from http://xdeadpoetx.livejournal.com/?skip=12 out of boredom
i have a cell phone.
i have friends that use me. (not sure bout that, maybe its the other way round)
i am an only child.
i love dangly earrings.
i love cold weather.
i'm obsessed with the computer.
i have shot a gun before.
i can't live without music.
i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
i have ridden on a motorcycle before....as a passenger
i'll be in this town forever.
i've been to 5 other countries.
i get annoyed easily.....that depends
i eventually want kids.
i have neat handwriting......yeah rite!
i have more than a few horrible memories.....this is where lamnesia fails me,
i am addicted to chocolate....and now, its peanut butter too
i am an atheist.....hhmm, agnostic
i love airplane rides. when theres turbulence
i love taking pictures......need a real digicam la
i hate people who are fake. im am too
i can be mean when i want to.
my parents care about my grades.
one of my best friends is a girl.
i have way too many wallets.
i'm obsessed with lip gloss.
i am easy to talk to.
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily..... wish thats true
i hate when people are late.
i procrastinate.
i love winter.
i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
i love to sleep.
i wish i were smarter
i'm afraid of flying.
i hate drama.
i bite my nails.
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents.
i love the beach.
i have never had the chicken pox.
i have gone out in public in my pajamas.
i can't control my emotions.
i have a best friend......no say bout this one
i have moved more than once.
i truly love my friends.....whats love?
i have braces.
i have never broken a bone..almost though
i hate my computer.
i love girls that play the drums.
i state the obvious.
i'm a happy person.....i know who is, but its not me
i love to dance.
i love to sing......in the car, its good to sing instead of cursing those idiots on the road
i love cleaning my room....need a maid
i tend to get jealous very easily
i love cute underwear.
i love night better than day.
i don't like to study for tests....who doesnt?
i have been on the phone for over 5 hours.
i am too forgiving.
i have horrible sense of direction.
i miss elementary school.
i'm a daddy's boy/girl.
i love the color pink.
i love to sew....but i can
my eye color changes.
i should see a therapist.
i played on a girls sports team.
i become stressed easily
.i hate/detest liars.
i love the smell of rain.
i love my family.......?
i hate needles.
i am a perfectionist.
i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
i hate the feeling of failure.
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook. yeah, hell yeah, and its not masak air
i can be quite selfish.
at times, i still act like a little kid....cant u tell?
i have food allergies.
i love to read....*achoooh!
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.
i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
i hate being alone.
i love summer.
i love the weekends.
i love black eyeliner.
i think I'm a looker.....hahahaha
i type with one hand......sometimes
i live in a one story house.
i wear make-up.
i have never rode on an underground subway.
i can't swim.....cant even float!
i have bad memories.
i go to church......hahahaha
i sing in the shower....no, in the car, CAR!
i hate cheerleaders.
i usually get what i want.......wish thats true too
i have been on stage before.....but dont like it
i love roller coasters.
no one knows my full story of my life.
i am close to my parents.
i don't have a curfew.
taken from http://xdeadpoetx.livejournal.com/?skip=12 out of boredom
PJK......the license to act like an idiot
thanks to tm, yet again, i lost my net connection for 3 days. i have just realised, that life would be really easy and simple if it were to be similar to PJK, as in pendidikan jasmani dan kesihatan. no, im not talking about whats in the goddamn textbook or what my teacher has been doing the past years, though he's not so bad....im merely talking about what it means to me, football.
i used to be an EPL fan, until the Roman dude sacked jose, then i just lost interest in EPL, plainly because jose likes to talk, and he's got sarcasm plus the guts to use it to piss his own boss....something eh? but playing football is a completely different matter, you dont have a coach, you dont have a referee, forget about corners, forget about skills, forget everything but the ball, and the people who are in the field. im one of the few malay dudes who didnt have a kampung-style childhood, where your parents let you play football barefoot till sunset, heck, i never own a football....instead, i got a game console....yup, that translates it to a GEEK.
but...but, who says you need experience to kick a ball. i cant even kick a ball in a straight line, and guess what, i stole a ball from the guy who represents my school in it, in fact, two of them. all you ever need to play football is a bunch of similarly enthusiastic friends, a ball, a good field, two goal posts....and maybe some luck and guts. it can be dangerous, heck, i kick a ball to the same dude's nose, i was freaking scared that i might break his nose at that time, luckily, i didnt....and this is a game where legs and the football itself can go to the wrong places....trust me, been there, done that. you dont chase the ball the whole time, you just wait at the possible areas where its gonna land, get it, pass it to the other friend, or run into the opponent occasionally.
enough description bout football, you should understand how it works by now, rite km? once you are on the field, nothing else matters, you put the world behind, and go for the ball. once you are on the field, you wont run back to get behind the lines, you stay in it until someone whos got a watch shouts RECESS. or will you? theres two ways to not be on the field,
1) you never set foot on it in the 1st place
2) you walk out.
now, im in the middle of something, the football field say, and i just realised, i cant put everything behind me....because if i can, then i wouldnt be typing these word down. CHOICES. to make a choice is one thing, to retract it is a different story. and now, i can only do the later.......but should i?
ever watch a movie where the main character has to choose, remember neo? save trinity or zion? well, he pulled it off, only to kill her later and himself in the end. or in korean dramas, the girl usually have to choose whether to be with the guy, or follow what other parties want. get the pic? yeah, im in that kind of situation only that i doubt in such a happy ending.
again, i just realised that im doing something i love now, other than pjk....it took me more than a year to know what i really want, and this time, im sure of it....i love it, not just when our names are announced last, not when im being congratulated, not when i get the trophy, not when im skipping class, not when i do something stupid in the discipline room, but every minute of it. but what happens when it clashes........with other people who care about you? what if your interest clashes with that of others around you? can you justify yours? i still cant....and now that i have the ball in my posession, should i run to the other side and score the goal, or should i pass the ball to the other dude and get substituted? i have already made my choice to be in it, and now, i can only choose one of the two. which one shall it be?
i cant tell which is the better choice, i dont believe in certainty, but right now, i want to make a choice that i can always look back in the future and say i have no regrets in making that descision, not one bit, i want to be proud of my own actions. is it too selfish of me to do things that i really want to, at the expense of other people? or am i a person who only know what he had been told to do?
im willing to pay the price to go for it, be responsible of my own actions, choices.....as long as it doesnt involve others....but thats not true....it does involve people who have hopes for me, and when its coming from both sides, its never getting clearer.
either way, i will feel guilty to one party, but which choice wont make me feel guilty towards myself. not being able to do both is one part of guilt too.....deep shit eh?
i used to be an EPL fan, until the Roman dude sacked jose, then i just lost interest in EPL, plainly because jose likes to talk, and he's got sarcasm plus the guts to use it to piss his own boss....something eh? but playing football is a completely different matter, you dont have a coach, you dont have a referee, forget about corners, forget about skills, forget everything but the ball, and the people who are in the field. im one of the few malay dudes who didnt have a kampung-style childhood, where your parents let you play football barefoot till sunset, heck, i never own a football....instead, i got a game console....yup, that translates it to a GEEK.
but...but, who says you need experience to kick a ball. i cant even kick a ball in a straight line, and guess what, i stole a ball from the guy who represents my school in it, in fact, two of them. all you ever need to play football is a bunch of similarly enthusiastic friends, a ball, a good field, two goal posts....and maybe some luck and guts. it can be dangerous, heck, i kick a ball to the same dude's nose, i was freaking scared that i might break his nose at that time, luckily, i didnt....and this is a game where legs and the football itself can go to the wrong places....trust me, been there, done that. you dont chase the ball the whole time, you just wait at the possible areas where its gonna land, get it, pass it to the other friend, or run into the opponent occasionally.
enough description bout football, you should understand how it works by now, rite km? once you are on the field, nothing else matters, you put the world behind, and go for the ball. once you are on the field, you wont run back to get behind the lines, you stay in it until someone whos got a watch shouts RECESS. or will you? theres two ways to not be on the field,
1) you never set foot on it in the 1st place
2) you walk out.
now, im in the middle of something, the football field say, and i just realised, i cant put everything behind me....because if i can, then i wouldnt be typing these word down. CHOICES. to make a choice is one thing, to retract it is a different story. and now, i can only do the later.......but should i?
ever watch a movie where the main character has to choose, remember neo? save trinity or zion? well, he pulled it off, only to kill her later and himself in the end. or in korean dramas, the girl usually have to choose whether to be with the guy, or follow what other parties want. get the pic? yeah, im in that kind of situation only that i doubt in such a happy ending.
again, i just realised that im doing something i love now, other than pjk....it took me more than a year to know what i really want, and this time, im sure of it....i love it, not just when our names are announced last, not when im being congratulated, not when i get the trophy, not when im skipping class, not when i do something stupid in the discipline room, but every minute of it. but what happens when it clashes........with other people who care about you? what if your interest clashes with that of others around you? can you justify yours? i still cant....and now that i have the ball in my posession, should i run to the other side and score the goal, or should i pass the ball to the other dude and get substituted? i have already made my choice to be in it, and now, i can only choose one of the two. which one shall it be?
i cant tell which is the better choice, i dont believe in certainty, but right now, i want to make a choice that i can always look back in the future and say i have no regrets in making that descision, not one bit, i want to be proud of my own actions. is it too selfish of me to do things that i really want to, at the expense of other people? or am i a person who only know what he had been told to do?
im willing to pay the price to go for it, be responsible of my own actions, choices.....as long as it doesnt involve others....but thats not true....it does involve people who have hopes for me, and when its coming from both sides, its never getting clearer.
either way, i will feel guilty to one party, but which choice wont make me feel guilty towards myself. not being able to do both is one part of guilt too.....deep shit eh?
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