IM NOT CHANGING IT!
need a coin
this is what happens when i cant decide something...i use the most traditional way to choose a path that would lead me to heaven knows where....i use a coin....on the basis that theres no reason to choose but still its compulsory to do so.
decisions are made, with or without reasons. and of course, theres the "why" and "why not", but lets not forget, that isnt the way to question everything....well, because the world does not need a reason to revolve.
there are things we do with a reason behind it. we walk forward because we dont have eyes behind our head, the water flows because of gravity, well, anything to do with common sense, or commonly lacking sense. these stuff can answer the "why/why not" questions.
but thats not the end of the story, because we have things that happen or exist without a reason...like us humans.
why do we write with our left/right hand?
why do we have left/right hand drives?
why does clock go clockwise?
why is this blog being read from left to right?
these kind of stuff does not need a reason to be that way, it just exist because some dude in the past said so, and the rest followed. so when something has no "why" behind it, certainly asking "why not" is just plain stupid because what difference would it make? though the idea of anti-clockwise watch is cool, thats just pointless isnt it?
so the "why not" must co-exist with they "why". one cannot exist separately because that would make the world spin the other way round if it did.
in this case, where i fail to see a logical reasoning behind the choice i must make, i need a coin, where its free from any prejudice, completely fair, with only the aid of my finger to flip it, gravity to pull it back down, and my hands to grab it. see, nothing wrong with it.
moral of the story : dont go asking why not this, why not that everywhere unless you have a reason to ask. to ask for the sake of asking is just another form of excessive boredom combined with kebodohan to annoy people. and always keep a coin by ur side.
decisions are made, with or without reasons. and of course, theres the "why" and "why not", but lets not forget, that isnt the way to question everything....well, because the world does not need a reason to revolve.
there are things we do with a reason behind it. we walk forward because we dont have eyes behind our head, the water flows because of gravity, well, anything to do with common sense, or commonly lacking sense. these stuff can answer the "why/why not" questions.
but thats not the end of the story, because we have things that happen or exist without a reason...like us humans.
why do we write with our left/right hand?
why do we have left/right hand drives?
why does clock go clockwise?
why is this blog being read from left to right?
these kind of stuff does not need a reason to be that way, it just exist because some dude in the past said so, and the rest followed. so when something has no "why" behind it, certainly asking "why not" is just plain stupid because what difference would it make? though the idea of anti-clockwise watch is cool, thats just pointless isnt it?
so the "why not" must co-exist with they "why". one cannot exist separately because that would make the world spin the other way round if it did.
in this case, where i fail to see a logical reasoning behind the choice i must make, i need a coin, where its free from any prejudice, completely fair, with only the aid of my finger to flip it, gravity to pull it back down, and my hands to grab it. see, nothing wrong with it.
moral of the story : dont go asking why not this, why not that everywhere unless you have a reason to ask. to ask for the sake of asking is just another form of excessive boredom combined with kebodohan to annoy people. and always keep a coin by ur side.
me?
My Existing Situation
Works well in cooperation with others but is disinclined to take the leading role. Needs a personal life of mutual understanding and freedom from discord.
My Stress Sources
Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains his attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off his feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on his emotional relationships as he must know exactly where he stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against his own tendency to be too trusting.
My Restrained Characteristics
An unadmitted lack of confidence makes him careful to avoid open conflict and he feels he must make the best of things as they are.
Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.
My Desired Objective
Considers the existing circumstances disagreeable and over-demanding. Refuses to allow anything to influence his point of view.
My Actual Problem
His natural ability to examine everything with critical discrimination has been distorted into an attitude of harsh disapproval, which opposes and denigrates without regard to the real facts.
wish its true, then at least i got a sense of certainty about myself
Works well in cooperation with others but is disinclined to take the leading role. Needs a personal life of mutual understanding and freedom from discord.
My Stress Sources
Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains his attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off his feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on his emotional relationships as he must know exactly where he stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against his own tendency to be too trusting.
My Restrained Characteristics
An unadmitted lack of confidence makes him careful to avoid open conflict and he feels he must make the best of things as they are.
Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.
My Desired Objective
Considers the existing circumstances disagreeable and over-demanding. Refuses to allow anything to influence his point of view.
My Actual Problem
His natural ability to examine everything with critical discrimination has been distorted into an attitude of harsh disapproval, which opposes and denigrates without regard to the real facts.
wish its true, then at least i got a sense of certainty about myself
what now?
today, could be the most important day of this year yet. today is the day we went to the state level debate of that wira dude.
1st, i want to say that i still dont like being the prime minister, whether its for the sake of the team or anything. call me playing safe, im not comfortable with other roles....and i still hate that feeling of taking over some other guy's job.....it does sound like stealing someone's dead girlfriend or something.
the debate today started off with the science is a threat to humanity motion, and we went against the host itself, kuala ketil, who was not so bad and asked us to take pictures with them...weird huh? 2nd round was the most important motion to me because it was the motion that kept me awake until 4am on the day of the competition, the motion we went against asma and won, and the motion where we lost in the nationals. this time, the twist is im going government as prime minister....not the best thing in the world you know. this is where i believe i fumbled again. it was like bakar arang all over again. i was.........not myself. i couldnt poi, i panic....bla bla bla. that made me feel like an ass for the whole day....i know that was not me, i could have done better! why? the final was media, putra's favourite motion and his only motion last year. i was really scared when he started to sing the mcd song, the pizza hut delivery number...that mockery of "but i beg to differ" fella, but since its putra, he pulled it off. hmm, he's got some stuff there.
ah yes, best speaker, km, you deserve it. no more arguing! vj and his usual style, relaxed, sarcastic, in control, cool.....he's good. adrian did not speak, maybe he wont this year, but he's getting better, at a scary rate. he's background sure helped him a lot. and i like his sarcasm when its combined with his monotone voice, it does sound very......casual. maybe my ex-son is not as fiery as his foster dad, but he's picking up. i can see those 3 juniors reaching our place next year....now just need a bumi.....i dont recommend my little brother, but i believe he deserves a shot at it. kugan can really do 2nd speaker....now we just need to change his habit of reading essays as his scripts. patricia is still lacking in confidence and authority....but i like her accent, or maybe pronunciation, there's this extra precision to it when she speaks. and mani, our retired 3rd speaker who's been hanging around us when we need her the most. i just want to say that her presence in the debate team has my deepest appreciation. thanks for being there, and for the food delivery.
with that over, now we are on our way to nationals, but looking at the motions, and the venue, i lack the drive to push myself to do better. at this very moment, i feel lost, i dont know how im supposed to feel. my team has just repeated our achievement last year, and that is something all of us should be proud of....i do mean all of us. but im not jumping. im not sad either. i dont know. suddenly, i feel guilty. to whom is a question i still cant answer. im glad we won, at the same time, im mad, disappointed, relieved, all these contradicting emotions at the same time.
i might have the answer to all that, i might not.
here's a question, if u know you are not going to like the answer, are you still going to solve the puzzle? maybe thats what im doing, running away. maybe i know something that my subconscious refuse to admit, something that caused my curiosity and rational to be blurred, what is it? i want to know it, but at the same time, i feel like im not allowing myself to answer it. and why? what will happen if i do find that answer? will the last piece of the jigsaw reveal the ugly picture? i wish i can be ignorant, like before. but now, with things getting more complicated, turning a deaf ear is impossible.
but the utmost important thing i wish to ask is that.....what happens when your principles are being challenged for the greater good? it doesnt necessarily mean your wrong, but then, what is that greater good? i just want to be able to answer for what i do....no matter how shitty it gets, as long as its under my principles. i want to be able to deny the opportunity to reverse time....and be able to say.....i did it! it was me! its because of me!
its always easier when it only involves one person.....because i cant answer for others, and im not asking for that either.
what im feeling right now? i wish i know. i do! i want to know what my feelings really are. i wish i can answer that too. all that question thrown at me, they might be random, but i cant look them in the eye and give them a straight answer. i ran away! thats what i've always been doing.
emo? fuck! this is deep shit!
1st, i want to say that i still dont like being the prime minister, whether its for the sake of the team or anything. call me playing safe, im not comfortable with other roles....and i still hate that feeling of taking over some other guy's job.....it does sound like stealing someone's dead girlfriend or something.
the debate today started off with the science is a threat to humanity motion, and we went against the host itself, kuala ketil, who was not so bad and asked us to take pictures with them...weird huh? 2nd round was the most important motion to me because it was the motion that kept me awake until 4am on the day of the competition, the motion we went against asma and won, and the motion where we lost in the nationals. this time, the twist is im going government as prime minister....not the best thing in the world you know. this is where i believe i fumbled again. it was like bakar arang all over again. i was.........not myself. i couldnt poi, i panic....bla bla bla. that made me feel like an ass for the whole day....i know that was not me, i could have done better! why? the final was media, putra's favourite motion and his only motion last year. i was really scared when he started to sing the mcd song, the pizza hut delivery number...that mockery of "but i beg to differ" fella, but since its putra, he pulled it off. hmm, he's got some stuff there.
ah yes, best speaker, km, you deserve it. no more arguing! vj and his usual style, relaxed, sarcastic, in control, cool.....he's good. adrian did not speak, maybe he wont this year, but he's getting better, at a scary rate. he's background sure helped him a lot. and i like his sarcasm when its combined with his monotone voice, it does sound very......casual. maybe my ex-son is not as fiery as his foster dad, but he's picking up. i can see those 3 juniors reaching our place next year....now just need a bumi.....i dont recommend my little brother, but i believe he deserves a shot at it. kugan can really do 2nd speaker....now we just need to change his habit of reading essays as his scripts. patricia is still lacking in confidence and authority....but i like her accent, or maybe pronunciation, there's this extra precision to it when she speaks. and mani, our retired 3rd speaker who's been hanging around us when we need her the most. i just want to say that her presence in the debate team has my deepest appreciation. thanks for being there, and for the food delivery.
with that over, now we are on our way to nationals, but looking at the motions, and the venue, i lack the drive to push myself to do better. at this very moment, i feel lost, i dont know how im supposed to feel. my team has just repeated our achievement last year, and that is something all of us should be proud of....i do mean all of us. but im not jumping. im not sad either. i dont know. suddenly, i feel guilty. to whom is a question i still cant answer. im glad we won, at the same time, im mad, disappointed, relieved, all these contradicting emotions at the same time.
i might have the answer to all that, i might not.
here's a question, if u know you are not going to like the answer, are you still going to solve the puzzle? maybe thats what im doing, running away. maybe i know something that my subconscious refuse to admit, something that caused my curiosity and rational to be blurred, what is it? i want to know it, but at the same time, i feel like im not allowing myself to answer it. and why? what will happen if i do find that answer? will the last piece of the jigsaw reveal the ugly picture? i wish i can be ignorant, like before. but now, with things getting more complicated, turning a deaf ear is impossible.
but the utmost important thing i wish to ask is that.....what happens when your principles are being challenged for the greater good? it doesnt necessarily mean your wrong, but then, what is that greater good? i just want to be able to answer for what i do....no matter how shitty it gets, as long as its under my principles. i want to be able to deny the opportunity to reverse time....and be able to say.....i did it! it was me! its because of me!
its always easier when it only involves one person.....because i cant answer for others, and im not asking for that either.
what im feeling right now? i wish i know. i do! i want to know what my feelings really are. i wish i can answer that too. all that question thrown at me, they might be random, but i cant look them in the eye and give them a straight answer. i ran away! thats what i've always been doing.
emo? fuck! this is deep shit!
beauty and the beast
to clarify one thing here, its not about the musical mix fm has been going on about lately, but rather the disney animation. not the new one, there's only one beauty and the beast animation from disney that i know....and it was the only one i have ever watch. the very 1st time i watch it was when it was still in available on vcr, the tape player...and by that means, it was way way back then, when i was a kid.
i've got snow white, cinderella and beauty and the beast...thats all i remember, but the one that really had its disney magic on me back then was the last one. it might be weird coming from a vehicophile, but something from that movie really had a lasting effect on my memory. i still remember the rose, i still remember the dance, i still remember that there was rain. for some reason, i never get to see the ending, because the tape was faulty at that time....so i didnt have the chance to see how the beast transform back into a prince. there were a lot of missing pieces in the movie for me, which is the reason why i watched it again the other day, the day before i have to sit for 4 papers consecutively. i couldnt study, didnt bother to hold the book at all, but instead i watch the movie, again and again, for the whole day.
and i gotta say, it was still nice. i still like the fact that the beast was full of real life character, so did the girl....it didnt feel so fake for a disney. though it had lost the magic touch on me, even though it had one last time, i'd blame age for that. im too old for these kind of things, but it doesnt matter does it? all i can say is that......if a movie, or anything, can have a place in your memory, though its in pieces, for a long time, it shows that it has some importance to you, so yes, the movie was somehow important to me. i grew up with disney movies anyway, but the new ones are forgetable, just like movies nowadays. so the next time i forget something, it shows i couldnt care about it....but i am forgetful in everything.....ah, that explains then.
i've got snow white, cinderella and beauty and the beast...thats all i remember, but the one that really had its disney magic on me back then was the last one. it might be weird coming from a vehicophile, but something from that movie really had a lasting effect on my memory. i still remember the rose, i still remember the dance, i still remember that there was rain. for some reason, i never get to see the ending, because the tape was faulty at that time....so i didnt have the chance to see how the beast transform back into a prince. there were a lot of missing pieces in the movie for me, which is the reason why i watched it again the other day, the day before i have to sit for 4 papers consecutively. i couldnt study, didnt bother to hold the book at all, but instead i watch the movie, again and again, for the whole day.
and i gotta say, it was still nice. i still like the fact that the beast was full of real life character, so did the girl....it didnt feel so fake for a disney. though it had lost the magic touch on me, even though it had one last time, i'd blame age for that. im too old for these kind of things, but it doesnt matter does it? all i can say is that......if a movie, or anything, can have a place in your memory, though its in pieces, for a long time, it shows that it has some importance to you, so yes, the movie was somehow important to me. i grew up with disney movies anyway, but the new ones are forgetable, just like movies nowadays. so the next time i forget something, it shows i couldnt care about it....but i am forgetful in everything.....ah, that explains then.
what i saw a few days ago
i gotta say this, driving in kl is such a pain in the ass....which is why i didnt go anywhere while i
was in kl. you cant possibly go anywhere in kl in 4 hours, because thats just how much time i got
there before my dad finish his meeting at the public bank tower/huge building. considering the fact that klcc was just across the road, i walked there, crossing the roads with a traffic light that simply ignored me pushing the damn button. so on the road, i was avoiding cars, inside suria, i was avoiding people. i dont know why there were so many people there, sardines enjoy more space compared to them. wandering inside for 4 hours isnt much fun, but i did notice, there were three busese of japanese tourists that just ate up any space left inside.....and they are all old people! the only thing that caught my attention there was the lv glass wall, which looks like an optical illusion as you move near it, the watches that cost 300 000 bucks each and i only bought this :
there before my dad finish his meeting at the public bank tower/huge building. considering the fact that klcc was just across the road, i walked there, crossing the roads with a traffic light that simply ignored me pushing the damn button. so on the road, i was avoiding cars, inside suria, i was avoiding people. i dont know why there were so many people there, sardines enjoy more space compared to them. wandering inside for 4 hours isnt much fun, but i did notice, there were three busese of japanese tourists that just ate up any space left inside.....and they are all old people! the only thing that caught my attention there was the lv glass wall, which looks like an optical illusion as you move near it, the watches that cost 300 000 bucks each and i only bought this :
which means i found cherry coke........yes, i found it! it costs 6 bucks because its imported. apparently, malaysian coke company dont produce this coke, but the one in uk does, which means the only way you are gonna have this is by importing them. heck, i proved it, it exists!
that means my list of things to do or see has been shorter. and this also proves another thing, i do have luck, on certain occasions though.
this are random photos i got last week :
the autopay parking machine in tesco which is already spoiled in the 1st week since its installment
the cherry that looks like a cherry, cost like a cherry, taste like grape and has seeds. i sense biotech here.
a kawasaki smtg smtg which has a 1.4 litre engine, which means it has a bigger engine than a saga, and its a hell a lot lighter than the saga. top speed around 300km/h
look closely and you'll see bras in the pic. this is the food section in tesco, and the part which has bras is labelled ten ten cup jelly....it sounds so wrong when the cup is not for food. how it end up there, well, its bolehland, anything can happen!
the honda smtg which is a coupe which is terribly confused between nsx.......THE HONDA NSX is a legend...that...is just a car.
the honda smtg which is a coupe which is terribly confused between nsx.......THE HONDA NSX is a legend...that...is just a car.
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