42: November 2009

i used to believe that i can always do something, change something i didn't like, and do better if i just put in more hours and effort into it. i used to believe that impossible is nothing. i refused to give up, and to follow the course fate has set me for. i ignored what everyone said, i thought, i can always do something, regardless how little the effects would be, i wanted to make a difference. so much for my raison detre.

it doesn't matter if it was about scoring higher for add math, or running a bit further than usual, or jumping an inch higher than the day before. i always had this mindset, that i could do something about everything. destiny and fate meant nothing to me. i wouldn't even let the god factor interfere. i make my luck....no matter what happens, if it's me thats rolling the dice, then nothing else matters.

lately i realised something. i came to accept that there are certain things that i can never change afterall. i lost my grandad recently, and i was in college. we're not close, but i wanted to do something for him....to be there. i couldn't. it just hit me.....im just a tiny chess piece in this mad world. there's just so much i can do.....the rest is up to the big guy. im still an agnostic by virtue. big guy isnt an omnipotent being controlling the universe, he's just randomness, coincidence, the sum of cause and effect of every single action taken by everyone.

perhaps.....the truth is, life is indeed larger than ourselves. this time, i have to accept it. ngeh
because my hands would be in my pockets this time...

can you legally drink?
yes, by civil law
will you be married in the next 2 years?
yes, to books and exams.
is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
yea, kinda
what are your least favourite school subjects?
er, add math
who was the last person you called?
alia'a
do you prefer to call or text?
call
do you have a pet?
nope
what did you do today?
stuff, let's not get to the details
do you like carrots?
nope, they suck
when was the last time you saw your mom?
last week
do you believe in karma?
i believe shit happens
are you taller than 5'5"?
yea
how many city/town have you lived in?
alor star, bukit kayu hitam, sungai petani and nilai/bbst
do you prefer shoes, socks or bare feet?
bare feet
are you a social person?
nope
what was the last thing you drank?
plain water
what are you favourite colours?
black and white
do you like coffee?
yupp
would you rather have love or money?
money, cos i choose to give love.
have you ever sat on a roof?
yupp, buncit's
what are you listening to?
background noise
do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
not when i occupy the entire bed already
do you know how to play poker?
a bit.
what are you thinking about right now?
wondering if i should bring my digicam over to college next semester
any plans for the weekend?
yup, big one
what time do you get up in the morning?
random hours, sometimes, i dont wake up at all.
do you eat ranch with your pizza?
i dont get it
last person you IM'ed?
wenyi
have you ever been in an ambulance?
nope
do you prefer an ocean or pool?
ocean, i like sand
what colour shirt are you wearing?
yellow
do you know how to drive a stick shift?
i assume it's a manual, then yes
what's bothering you right now?
chemistry
do you hold grudges?
not really
whose myspace page did you last visit?
don't have myspace
are you a Lost fanatic?
nope. not at all
earphones or headphone?
earphones
at this very moment, what should you be doing?
doing math
do you read novels often?
none at all
what is the colour of your bedroom wall?
no idea, cream?
do you shut off the water while you brush your teeth?
depending on mood
are you mad about anything?
yea, about not being smart enough
do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
only with people im comfortable with
last two people to call you?
mom and alia'a
have you ever thought you didn't like someone, and then found out that you really liked them?
yupp....long story this one
how was this weekend?
cool. almost got lost in kl and endeup in johor
do/did you listen to your parents?
yeap
stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
threw it around and flipping it
is there anyone that doesn't like you because of something you did?
dunno....speak now or forever hold your peace
do you think your first love affects the way you go on with life?
it does, in way you couldn't imagine.
the phone rings, what is your ring tone?
evening news - jason lo
did you go anywhere yesterday?
the hill, in the rain
who was the last person you share beds with?
bro
favourite drink?
coke
does the person you like know that you like them?
yeap, i constantly remind her too
where are you right now?
in ktt, ulu central
if you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
i dont get this one
favourite gadget in the kitchen?
fridge
favourite pie?
none
how is your hair?
messy
where's the last place you walked to?
my room
last time you had a sleepover?
at steve's, but i forgot when
latest you stayed up in the past week?
7.38am
what are you doing, aside from answering this questions?
thinking about saturday
have you been in a car accident?
yeap, but mom drove
what is the last thing you said aloud?
don't remember
who's the first person on your missed calls list?
mom
what did the last text message you received say?
nak pergi now tak?
last time you went to church?
never

DESCRIBE YOUR :
wallet?
black, leather, almost empty
eyes?
black, sleepy
life?
shit happens

WHAT ARE YOU :
doing this weekend to come?
go mcd and giant and klia the next day
wearing?
tshirt and shorts
wanting?
a confession
listening to?
noise
what do you smell?
dunno
do you sleep naked?
nope
do you like seafood?
not really
do you remember your dreams?
not all
do you consider yourself a study freak?
nope
do you speak another language other than english?
bahasa melayu
what did you do last might?
math
what do you hate?
math
orange or apple juice?
apple
who were the last people you went out to lunch with
hafiz and aidzat
last thing you hate?
mooncake

and here is meme number 2
what is on the walls in your room?
paint
one of your scars, how did you get it?
put my finger in the middle of a see saw when i was a kid
what does your cell phone look like?
a phone?
what music to you like to listen to?
good ones
do you know what time were you born?
10.40am
what do you want more than anything right now?
a perfect ending to my love story
what do you miss?
the good old times
what is your most prized possession?
no idea
what is your favourite smell?
food
do you get claustrophobic?
yes
do you get scared of the dark?
yes
what is your favourite cologne?
don't use one, but i like polo explorer
what kind of hair do you like on someone you are attracted to?
doesnt matter
where can you see yourself being proposed to at?
in my dreams
coffee or energy drinks?
coffee, black
what is your favourite pizza topping?
er er er, everything
if you could eat anything right now, what would that be?
ice cream
who is the last person you made mad?
dunno,.sorry
do you speak a foreign language?
english counts?
what is the first gift someone of the opposite sex ever gave you?
don't remember..wait, my mom counts kan. hhahahaha
do you like anybody?
nope
are you double jointed?
dunno
favourite clothing brand?
none
dream car?
dream CARS, all of them
what is one of your dreams?
getting a shot in the head from the back
what is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you?
subtly
say a number from one to a hundred
42
blondes or brunettes?
dont really care
what is the one number you call most often?
alia'a's number
what annoys you most?
my inability to sleep
have you been out of the US?
always
your weakness?
er, not telling
where do you want to live?
anywhere that makes me happy
first job?
still studying
ever done a prank call?
nope
what were you doing before you filled out this survery?
another tag
if you could get plastic surgery, what woud it be?
nothing
why did you fill out this survey?
cos wenyi asked me to
what do you get complimented about most?
i dont know
what would you do if alcohol became illegal?
nothing?
what do you want for your birthday?
a cake and one huge ass burger
how many kids do you want?
no idea
were you named after anyone?
dont think so
do you wish on stars?
nope
which finger is your favourite?
the middle always gets the message across quickly
when did you last cry?
cant remember
do you like your handwriting?
not really
what is your favourite lunch meat?
beef
any bad habits?
being an ass
what is your most embarassing cd on the shelf?
no cd
if you were another person, would you be friends with you?
maybe
have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
nope
do looks matter?
in what aspect?
how do you release anger?
i run
where is your second home?
college
do you trust others easily?
no
what was your favourite toy as a child?
gundam figures
what are the first three numbers in your cell?
not saying, this is stupid
do you use sarcasm?
all the time
have you ever been in a mosh pit?
huh?
what do you look for in a woman?
a smile
what are your nicknames?
ben?
do you un-tie your shoes when you take them off?
nope
who is your crush?
eva green
what's your favourite ice cream flavour?
chocolate
when is the last time you went on a date?
define a date please
who do you miss most right now?
not telling
do you want everyone to answer these questions?
nope
what are you listening to right now?
the voice in my head saying "ben, stop whatever you're doing now and go to bed"

i give up. cant finish it. crap

42

lesson 2

lesson learnt

puts down chemistry book

oi

two

hey

one

tagged

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