before i get to the title, heres the news for today, the state govt for terengganu just spent almost 3.5 million ringgit on 14 mercerdes E200. the excuse? its cheaper to maintain....the old perdana v6 has a lot of maintenance problems like the gearbox which cost somewhere around 50 000 bucks to be fixed. ah yes, sure, try losing a key to a merc and you'd spend thousands ordering one from germany. no, serious, try losing one. or maybe, try break a headlamp, then its not just gonna hurt your wallet, cos it wont be enough....you'd need a credit card dude. fuel efficiency?? on a merc? 2 litre models? aint happening! go get a prius, use that stupid ngv thing an install in that trunk....thats saving money, but not a merc.
you are representing the govt, and you're getting more than a dozen mecrs for official use. sure, thats gonna put in some assurance in us that malaysian cars are actually good. thats like saying "hey, buy local products, buy national cars, support proton...psst, i bought 14 mercs with the PEOPLES MONEY!" all you ever need is a form of tranpsort....and if you need to get it for 14 dudes, get a bus! cos most of you people are gonna use two seats each anyway. hypocrites!
.........................................................................................
the title.....oh yeah, i think i finally get the green lights from mom to go debate...is it green? not sure, i cant see clearly....but i take it as green....and cross my fingers....lets not crash here eh? which means im going to kelantan, if the dates are really fixed this time...and of course, if i start revision ASAP! should be fun, the end of my life as a form five student is gona be a real roller coaster ride....including the risks of derailing. but hey, thats why its fun. the very least, i want to end my debate career properly. i want the last sentence to have a big full stop....maybe even a exclamation mark. just no more question marks, or commas. i want to put an end to this.....and i wont be needing a time machine for this decision..im pretty sure now....brimming with confidence eh?
just one last question, why on earth didnt anyone throw a couple of bricks at that dude the other day? c'mon, i feel like pushing him down the 4th floor, and followed by a couple of chairs to make sure he's not getting up again....hmm, my dictionary would do too.
yellow light
we are supposed to be on our way to kelantan next monday, that is until sir called the kelantan dude, and he said the debate national level has been postponed to mid august.
so we got extra time.......and a whole lot more shit to take care of.
a blessing in disguise? well, if so, this is truly the master of disguise, transormers? hmm....ok, maybe some extra time would do the team some good, we need some practice, and more brainstorming sessions. but mid august? dude, thats like 2 weeks before trials for spm, i repeat TRIALS FOR SPM!!!
this was my plan, focus on debate, get it done with, which was supposed to be on the 28th this month, then hit the books, hard, a month for trials, 3 months for spm. that should do, i guess, 3 months of complete studying should be enough, even if not, any longer would force me to burn the book and put them in those idiots' cars with the hope of burning the fuel tanks. not a bad plan eh?
not until a guy said mid august....so thats 2 weeks.....and impossible....because im not constantly studying.....im the last minute dude here, mid year, last minute, monthly, last minute, pmr....2 weeks. in other words, im gona start all over again.....which might be 2 years of education's worth, and cramp them in any way possible to avoid massive slaughtering in ibrahim.
my 1st response when i heard the news was WHAT THE FUCK? though i didnt say it out loud, couldnt, sir was nearby, as in 6 feet away. there goes my last minute plan! the thought of calling debate off crossed my mind, cos thats what my parents would say should they know about the dates....yeah, i can predict whats gonna happen. i am mad, and worried......debate or spm? it wont be that way. guess i have to juggle between the two. of course, spm comes 1st, like sir said.
come to think of it, its my fault that i end up where i am now. should have studied when i had the time eh? though i can already hear that coming, im not gonna punch the dude whos saying it, its true, yeah, my fault. but still, why add insult to injury? its not gonna help you know.....unless you enjoy making a misery out of my life.......but hey, thats why we got the word revenge for rite? might come in handy later. now? back to homework, class, study, debate, and still ps2. nope, nothings stopping me...at least not yet.
head or tail? neither....i want to get them both this time!
so we got extra time.......and a whole lot more shit to take care of.
a blessing in disguise? well, if so, this is truly the master of disguise, transormers? hmm....ok, maybe some extra time would do the team some good, we need some practice, and more brainstorming sessions. but mid august? dude, thats like 2 weeks before trials for spm, i repeat TRIALS FOR SPM!!!
this was my plan, focus on debate, get it done with, which was supposed to be on the 28th this month, then hit the books, hard, a month for trials, 3 months for spm. that should do, i guess, 3 months of complete studying should be enough, even if not, any longer would force me to burn the book and put them in those idiots' cars with the hope of burning the fuel tanks. not a bad plan eh?
not until a guy said mid august....so thats 2 weeks.....and impossible....because im not constantly studying.....im the last minute dude here, mid year, last minute, monthly, last minute, pmr....2 weeks. in other words, im gona start all over again.....which might be 2 years of education's worth, and cramp them in any way possible to avoid massive slaughtering in ibrahim.
my 1st response when i heard the news was WHAT THE FUCK? though i didnt say it out loud, couldnt, sir was nearby, as in 6 feet away. there goes my last minute plan! the thought of calling debate off crossed my mind, cos thats what my parents would say should they know about the dates....yeah, i can predict whats gonna happen. i am mad, and worried......debate or spm? it wont be that way. guess i have to juggle between the two. of course, spm comes 1st, like sir said.
come to think of it, its my fault that i end up where i am now. should have studied when i had the time eh? though i can already hear that coming, im not gonna punch the dude whos saying it, its true, yeah, my fault. but still, why add insult to injury? its not gonna help you know.....unless you enjoy making a misery out of my life.......but hey, thats why we got the word revenge for rite? might come in handy later. now? back to homework, class, study, debate, and still ps2. nope, nothings stopping me...at least not yet.
head or tail? neither....i want to get them both this time!
another moment of enlightenment
this is not the latest news, but again, ibrahim has won drama competition state level, and of course, this year is imbued with even more drama, from the drama team of bakar arang...and the teacher too, if i heard correctly. im not talking about that, because its stupid, full of rage, and hysteria.
what i speak of now, is only relevant to the state level drama. smk ibrahim bagged in the trophy again, and ket hwa got 2nd ( sorry bout spelling). i cant believe that i found putra's chinese clone in ket hwa, they are so alike...in fact, if putra went on stage, it would have been the greatest drama the world havent see. dude, congrats on the best actor, you deserve it. and the ket hwa dudes were really cool with us, took some pics, and did some interview with some unknown tv.
people of smki drama team, congrats, and eza, dude......you've nailed it this time.
the drama incident has brought something to my knowledge and consciousness. one happened during the prize giving ceremony back at our own school. when the drama team got their prizes and a bunch of people getting some wrapped gifts for unknown events during science week, i couldnt bother to listen to the speech when i was thinking about the teachers. they are sleeping, talking to each other, and only clapped ONCE when pengetua said "berikan tepukan gemuruh". oh yeah, patriotism my ass. your students has spent the last few months working their butts off to win, not to mention dealing with some twisted conflicts, negative impressions, staying back until 6pm, and most of the teachers couldnt even appreciate their work just by clapping. wheres respect? wheres gratitude? wheres the thank you? even the science week dudes suffered from the ill treatment. i've heard complaints from teachers about students who dont love their school....im not surprised now. the commitment we gave, that has bring the school, OUR SCHOOL pride and honour, was returned with silence from them. for 5 seconds of your life, clap! USE THAT HAND OF YOURS OTHER THAN TO POINT FINGERS, TO HOLD CANES, TO PINCH.....i dont remember what treatment we got for debate, but i tak puas when it comes to drama. c'mon, they gave OUR SCHOOL a challenge trophy, they gave us the feeling to be winners, they defended our IBRAHIM NOMBOR SATU vision/mission/motto/god knows. and you dont even have the will to move that hands of yours? do you need to be told to clap? thats what the pengetua should really stress on yesterday.
to make matters worst, some dudes tak syok us and accused us, of things we couldnt have possibly done even if we wanted to. wait, why am i talking about them? "nyamuk yang berani" is better than this story, sorry bout that.
.......how can i miss this one. back when we were in ket hwa, waiting for the results, i think, im not sure yet, i might have an idea why i lack the kepulunan to go to kelantan.
DEFEAT
i was afraid to face another moment of defeat. this is my last year, as a debater in smki, this is the year im gonna sit for spm, this is the year to repent for last year's lost, this is the year to prove to myself that we can snatch that national champion title from sabah ( no offence ), this year means a lot to me, and i'd hate to see one of the most important events this year end in defeat. i, we fell last year, but i believe we fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up....guess where that came from? now, lets hope that my stupid head can forget about defeat for the next 2 weeks....thats all im asking....2 weeks. im not asking too much am i?
what i speak of now, is only relevant to the state level drama. smk ibrahim bagged in the trophy again, and ket hwa got 2nd ( sorry bout spelling). i cant believe that i found putra's chinese clone in ket hwa, they are so alike...in fact, if putra went on stage, it would have been the greatest drama the world havent see. dude, congrats on the best actor, you deserve it. and the ket hwa dudes were really cool with us, took some pics, and did some interview with some unknown tv.
people of smki drama team, congrats, and eza, dude......you've nailed it this time.
the drama incident has brought something to my knowledge and consciousness. one happened during the prize giving ceremony back at our own school. when the drama team got their prizes and a bunch of people getting some wrapped gifts for unknown events during science week, i couldnt bother to listen to the speech when i was thinking about the teachers. they are sleeping, talking to each other, and only clapped ONCE when pengetua said "berikan tepukan gemuruh". oh yeah, patriotism my ass. your students has spent the last few months working their butts off to win, not to mention dealing with some twisted conflicts, negative impressions, staying back until 6pm, and most of the teachers couldnt even appreciate their work just by clapping. wheres respect? wheres gratitude? wheres the thank you? even the science week dudes suffered from the ill treatment. i've heard complaints from teachers about students who dont love their school....im not surprised now. the commitment we gave, that has bring the school, OUR SCHOOL pride and honour, was returned with silence from them. for 5 seconds of your life, clap! USE THAT HAND OF YOURS OTHER THAN TO POINT FINGERS, TO HOLD CANES, TO PINCH.....i dont remember what treatment we got for debate, but i tak puas when it comes to drama. c'mon, they gave OUR SCHOOL a challenge trophy, they gave us the feeling to be winners, they defended our IBRAHIM NOMBOR SATU vision/mission/motto/god knows. and you dont even have the will to move that hands of yours? do you need to be told to clap? thats what the pengetua should really stress on yesterday.
to make matters worst, some dudes tak syok us and accused us, of things we couldnt have possibly done even if we wanted to. wait, why am i talking about them? "nyamuk yang berani" is better than this story, sorry bout that.
.......how can i miss this one. back when we were in ket hwa, waiting for the results, i think, im not sure yet, i might have an idea why i lack the kepulunan to go to kelantan.
DEFEAT
i was afraid to face another moment of defeat. this is my last year, as a debater in smki, this is the year im gonna sit for spm, this is the year to repent for last year's lost, this is the year to prove to myself that we can snatch that national champion title from sabah ( no offence ), this year means a lot to me, and i'd hate to see one of the most important events this year end in defeat. i, we fell last year, but i believe we fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up....guess where that came from? now, lets hope that my stupid head can forget about defeat for the next 2 weeks....thats all im asking....2 weeks. im not asking too much am i?
copy paste.........i'd write
do you have an idol? do you have someone that you admire? someone you look up to? do you envy that person? do you want to be like that person?.........whatever you answer is, the last one can only have a NO as a reply. why would you want to be more of someone else?
people made mistakes, and i just found out that it was a big mistake for me, for having that thought "wish i can be more like him". im not trying to be like narcissus, i dont want to try to be like anyone. when i stepped into the life of a secondary school student, i once, looked up to him, and now, things make more sense when i ask myself "why should i?".
admiration, envy, jealousy, i had all that, and when i started to compare, i wanted to be more like him. i wanted to have his qualities, the things that attracted me to him. i was.....yeah, jealous. i wished my life was more interesting, like his, i wished my list of buddies was as long as his, i wished i can be outspoken like him, wished to be able to be more noticed. yeah, its lame. but the worst part was that i was lost in that shit, for quite a number of years....YEARS! i didnt see myself nowhere as good as he was.
i did try.....to be him....and now, im telling myself "what the fuck was wrong with me at that time?". heh, i wish i knew. i failed to see my own strength and his good side that seemed to be ideal, or more accepted, caught my attention....but like the moon, you cant see the other side if you aint going round it. and when i found the dark side.....i was glad, that i am me.
im not just talking about that dark side of the force.......im not just saying that darth vader is bad, im saying trying to be like anakin himself is already destroying your soul ( i hate that word ). self-esteem isnt something im full of, but now, im not lacking it either, at least compared to 4 years ago. im not telling that using someone else as an example to improve is suicidal, but trying to be like him is pretty much similar to go back in time and prevent your birth. it justifies your existence, in some degrees.
now i see, and understand, that my weaknesses is also something i should be able to claim MINE! im not smart like him, so? i cant act friendly in front of people i dont want to know, so? i cant be cool, im not talkative, i hate doing math, i hate working, i hate homework, i hate asking teachers questions i know they wont answer, i hate walking quickly, i hate happy songs, i mean, really happy songs, i dont get along the rest, i hate washing my face with the watercooler, i hate eating at the cafeteria, i hate clapping everytime a dude finishes his speech, i sweat more than anyone else, i hate walking about in school, i hate pretending to be interested in subjects, i hate making new, unknown friends, i like talking back, i like being ignorant, i like to use physical force when i need to, im no negotiator, i hate being the medium between two idiots who refuse to talk to each other, i hate saying yes to every single thing, i hate listening to people who talk rubbish, i hate high pitched people, i hate talking unnecessarily, i cant be holy, im a pervert, im a vehiclophile, i dont waste time with sudoku, i like reading only the comic strips in the newspapers, only comics, i have more toys than books, i hate being "happy", i hate people accusing me of some shit just because i was there, i like cursing and swearing, i hate useless advices..........yeah, thats me, its me alright. and i can say that again if anyone ask me. no shame in that......im not necessarily be proud of it, but i dont feel bad at all.
not that i hate him, its just that.......it occurred to me that.......the world doesnt need two similar people. im not perfect, no one is, honestly, im no good at all, but heck, if imperfection and flaws make the bigger part of me, im not changing it until i really want to, for my sake.
i aint doing it for anyone. i hate being told what to do......and when its done repeatedly, its not helping either. why must i be someone im not, let alone him?
right now, you can give me the choice to be anyone in the world, anyone.......and not one person since the beginning of time till now can make me feel that i dont want to be myself......no one.
if im at the losing end, too bad la, but at least i can say, whats so bad about me? that alone, is enough to glue my world back together. super glue is what everyone needs.
people made mistakes, and i just found out that it was a big mistake for me, for having that thought "wish i can be more like him". im not trying to be like narcissus, i dont want to try to be like anyone. when i stepped into the life of a secondary school student, i once, looked up to him, and now, things make more sense when i ask myself "why should i?".
admiration, envy, jealousy, i had all that, and when i started to compare, i wanted to be more like him. i wanted to have his qualities, the things that attracted me to him. i was.....yeah, jealous. i wished my life was more interesting, like his, i wished my list of buddies was as long as his, i wished i can be outspoken like him, wished to be able to be more noticed. yeah, its lame. but the worst part was that i was lost in that shit, for quite a number of years....YEARS! i didnt see myself nowhere as good as he was.
i did try.....to be him....and now, im telling myself "what the fuck was wrong with me at that time?". heh, i wish i knew. i failed to see my own strength and his good side that seemed to be ideal, or more accepted, caught my attention....but like the moon, you cant see the other side if you aint going round it. and when i found the dark side.....i was glad, that i am me.
im not just talking about that dark side of the force.......im not just saying that darth vader is bad, im saying trying to be like anakin himself is already destroying your soul ( i hate that word ). self-esteem isnt something im full of, but now, im not lacking it either, at least compared to 4 years ago. im not telling that using someone else as an example to improve is suicidal, but trying to be like him is pretty much similar to go back in time and prevent your birth. it justifies your existence, in some degrees.
now i see, and understand, that my weaknesses is also something i should be able to claim MINE! im not smart like him, so? i cant act friendly in front of people i dont want to know, so? i cant be cool, im not talkative, i hate doing math, i hate working, i hate homework, i hate asking teachers questions i know they wont answer, i hate walking quickly, i hate happy songs, i mean, really happy songs, i dont get along the rest, i hate washing my face with the watercooler, i hate eating at the cafeteria, i hate clapping everytime a dude finishes his speech, i sweat more than anyone else, i hate walking about in school, i hate pretending to be interested in subjects, i hate making new, unknown friends, i like talking back, i like being ignorant, i like to use physical force when i need to, im no negotiator, i hate being the medium between two idiots who refuse to talk to each other, i hate saying yes to every single thing, i hate listening to people who talk rubbish, i hate high pitched people, i hate talking unnecessarily, i cant be holy, im a pervert, im a vehiclophile, i dont waste time with sudoku, i like reading only the comic strips in the newspapers, only comics, i have more toys than books, i hate being "happy", i hate people accusing me of some shit just because i was there, i like cursing and swearing, i hate useless advices..........yeah, thats me, its me alright. and i can say that again if anyone ask me. no shame in that......im not necessarily be proud of it, but i dont feel bad at all.
not that i hate him, its just that.......it occurred to me that.......the world doesnt need two similar people. im not perfect, no one is, honestly, im no good at all, but heck, if imperfection and flaws make the bigger part of me, im not changing it until i really want to, for my sake.
i aint doing it for anyone. i hate being told what to do......and when its done repeatedly, its not helping either. why must i be someone im not, let alone him?
right now, you can give me the choice to be anyone in the world, anyone.......and not one person since the beginning of time till now can make me feel that i dont want to be myself......no one.
if im at the losing end, too bad la, but at least i can say, whats so bad about me? that alone, is enough to glue my world back together. super glue is what everyone needs.
an inch would really make a difference
this is far too common for everyone, that i know. but i also have my fair share of events where that sentence does make sense.
1. in football (germany could have won if it wasnt that silly move by the keeper).
2. in cycling....have your pedals touch the ground when you take take a sharp corner really fast, and then you hit a small tiny rock. the next minute, you would be flat on the road.
3. 4 days, thats all i needed...then my secondary school life would be a lot more interesting. ( go figure that one out son)
4. my dumb dumb habit when i got to the stairs. its serious adrenaline rush when you jump the 1st half of the stairs with 2 jumps. dangerous, like getting your chin slammed against the stairs, but still fun.....and it reminds you about how much you should treasure life. ( can be done to substitute rain when theres drought)
5. height.....an inch would really make u feel taller, at least i do. haha.
6. my neck was an inch away from a pen knife, thanks to a bunch of people back in form 1. could have died there.
7. another near death incident when i simply took a full metal knife, and absent mindedly decided to heat it with a direct contact with the heating wires in an electric toaster. im alive cos the circuit of my house broke....thank you circuit breaker!
1. in football (germany could have won if it wasnt that silly move by the keeper).
2. in cycling....have your pedals touch the ground when you take take a sharp corner really fast, and then you hit a small tiny rock. the next minute, you would be flat on the road.
3. 4 days, thats all i needed...then my secondary school life would be a lot more interesting. ( go figure that one out son)
4. my dumb dumb habit when i got to the stairs. its serious adrenaline rush when you jump the 1st half of the stairs with 2 jumps. dangerous, like getting your chin slammed against the stairs, but still fun.....and it reminds you about how much you should treasure life. ( can be done to substitute rain when theres drought)
5. height.....an inch would really make u feel taller, at least i do. haha.
6. my neck was an inch away from a pen knife, thanks to a bunch of people back in form 1. could have died there.
7. another near death incident when i simply took a full metal knife, and absent mindedly decided to heat it with a direct contact with the heating wires in an electric toaster. im alive cos the circuit of my house broke....thank you circuit breaker!
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