nope, we haven't met before. and i don't think i have you on facebook. wanna have coffee or something later?
your soon-to-be acquaintance,
benjamin
day five
hey
finally, time to set things straight. i have no idea what kind of dream you are. you come and go as you please and lately, you've taken the most hideous form. maybe you were nice when i was a kid. but seriously, i don't remember having a good dream for years.
think im bullshitting? you managed to scare the shit out of me when you showed me how i was murdered either with a gunshot at the back of my head or getting stabbed with a kitchen knife. if that wasn't enough, you've even made me feel like im invisible. yea, thanks a lot. you really are a good reason to hate sleep.
even your deja vu's aren't helpful. im no fortune teller, but it'd be nice to get a warning sometimes you know.
try to be nice sometimes. i've had reality bad enough.
your sad pathetic victim,
benjamin
day four
er...hey
i honestly have no idea what to say. and i think you'd prefer i keep my mouth shut. but i don't want to quit doing this letter thing just yet. we don't really look like we're close huh. we don't even look alike. but our interests are the same. well, im more obsessed towards eva green than leah dizon if you really want go into details. we only meet up once in a while, either for yong tau fu or getting stuff from lowyat. and i know we don't ever call each other unless there's something. i think it'd be cooler that way. im not saying we're cold, just cool with each other. don't think there's awkwardness whenever we talk.
you're a great brother. with an even greater sense of humour. you comments on my blog is worth a good laugh. i know you've sorta set a benchmark for us. the good thing is im not competitive, and have no interest in sibling rivalry. the things i did, debate, jpa....i didn't do them to prove im better. i just want to be different. i've already felt like a nobody in school. being someone's shadow at home would have driven me off the bridge.
here's some facts. you're a great driver. crazy yes, so was ayrton senna, im not saying you're that great. but it's fun experiencing locking brakes, or G's in normal roads. you're smart. up to the point i hate the way you can do add math so easily. you play games the night before an exam. well, i do too, but our results would differ. you're a tech geek and you're really good at it. and i think you've got a good girlfriend that you've yet to introduce to me. im still waiting.
one last thing, whatever happened to my other power supply? =p
your brother,
benjamin
day three
dear mom,
i bet you didn't see this coming huh. mom, i owe you a lot. gratitude and apologies. you have been a wonderful mother. anyone can make babies, but you certainly know how to raise them. i wouldn't say that we siblings are the best sons, but i know none of us will do anything to dishonour our family. marrying someone with a completely different family background must be something big for you. and yet, our family stands right in the middle of the differences. we have our own cultures, our own way of living. we didn't just take bits from dad's family and yours, we took the best of both.
sometimes, a child with parents of different races feels lost without an identity. that never happened to us. we know what we are and we are proud of it. i remember what you used to tell me, "you are not a chinese or a malay. you are ahmad benjamin". one hell of a way to tell your kids they are unique mom =).
i know you've help me make important decisions in my life. i know i wouldn't be here without you. and i thank you for that. you've driven us to excel in our studies. im pretty sure the we have some sort of reputation in ibrahim school. even with different religious backgrounds, you managed to instill moral order in us. im not religious, but i still know what is right and what is wrong better than some.
mom, i want to say im sorry. i've lied to you about a certain things. i did tell you everything about it, but you don't seem to remember it. so i thought why not play along and wait for the right moment. you don't like me going out with my friends so often. and i understand why. even a friend laughed at me and said we are 19 year olds and we don't really need permission to go out. but i didn't mind. i dont think being able to go out freely is a sign of becoming an adult. sometimes, i don't mind staying home for the whole day. though a trip to mee thajuddin for tahpau-ing would be nice.
im 19 now mom. and im kinda proud that i don't have to burden dad with my daily expenses. i just want to tell you that im grown up now. you have raised me well. so i doubt i'll make any major mistakes in life. im glad you listened to me about moving from matriculation to ktt. i know it was hectic. coming down to nilai from kedah, without an offer letter. but it worked. im doing medicine because you wanted me to, and because i think i can make this world a better place. sure, there's plenty of other ways of going around that. but why not do something that others can't do and get paid generously right?
mom, maybe i don't tell you this, but i like being home. 6 hours of a bus ride is nothing short of a signboard with neon lights.
your dearest son,
benjamin
dear dad,
thank you for being a great dad. we've never been compromised when it comes to spending. i know you don't pamper us with gifts or toys. i know the tax and the bills are sucking away your salary. and seeing what we have now, with how much you get paid. i think we're doing great. i know you think going to starbucks is a waste of money. like vj's dad said, "you're not paying for the coffee, you're paying for the lifestyle". but you don't mind spending a lot everyday for good food.
i know we don't talk a lot. sons tend to be closer to the mothers. i remember the time when my friends came over. that's when you realised i can speak good english and vice versa. that was really funny. plus, my friends think you're a cool dad. i guess your jokes about girlfriends work.
im sorry for the insane phone bills. i did the math wrongly. it was supposed to be 200, not 600. and thank you for not exploding. i hope you see that i've taken some responsibility by using prepaid now. and im still spending using my jpa allowances. im glad i don't have to take any more money from you, yet. which is why i took the jpa offer. i want to be independent. thank you for letting me make most of my decisions. and thanks for giving a second opinion. it helped a lot. you treat me as an adult already and it feels really good.
dad, the next time you want to buy a car. please test drive it first. i think the new tuscon is a good option. still, you gotta test drive it. if you feel really generous about getting me a car for my first year in medic school, the ford fiesta would be nice. but i don't mind driving brother's saga till i save up my own money for my car. and i know you don't want me to ride bikes. but the ninja is way too seducing. i promise i won't go above 160km/h, k.
your dearest son,
benjamin
day two
hey,
i never thought that i would write you a love letter, not one like this anyway. you may not realise it, but i find myself helplessly falling in love you again and again and again.
it has been quite a while since we first met. im kinda glad that it wasn't like any other hollywood love at first sight. i wouldn't want the story of my love life start ordinarily like the rest. maybe that's why i fell for you. because you are different. anyone who knows you well enough would agree with me.
you have been my source of inspiration. in fact. that was my initial feeling towards you. awe. and that somehow changed into the inevitable. it wasn't easy for me to admit it. i might risk losing a good friend and that is not worth it. so i kept myself in a bubble of denial. wasn't long till the bubble burst. funny they call it falling in love when it actually feels like flying. that's how you make me feel. thank you. now, all i ask is for you to take my hand and i'll return the favor.
i love you.
yours with love
benjamin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)