it's almost been a month in ktt and i must say, i kinda miss matrix. ironic since i wanted to get out of matrix so badly before. things are looking pretty good in the rear view mirror. i know i should be looking ahead, heck exam's somewhere in august, presentation is on monday, quiz saturday.....and some other stuff as well. but it feels like im not moving forward. everytime i try to take a step, something else happens. yesterday was no exception. i know you wont read this, but if you happen to come across this by some improbable cosmic fate, i just want to say im sorry. didnt mean for it to happen. it wasnt supposed to end up like that, not by my calculation the very least......but people make mistakes. so, sorry eh.
to be tangential to that, sara bareilles' bittersweet finally made sense the other day, and boyce avenue's change your mind too. i dont want to make another guess of its meaning, my previous mistake was more than enough as a reminder. i'll leave that to you.
ps : you might not get it, but trust me.....let go.
the storyteller
i dont do tributes and stuff....but you're an exception.
yasmin ahmad, thank you for you stories. they were inspirational, thought provoking and most importantly, they meant something to everyone.
you'll be dearly missed.
farewell.
yasmin ahmad, thank you for you stories. they were inspirational, thought provoking and most importantly, they meant something to everyone.
you'll be dearly missed.
farewell.
excuses
these days, i cant write. not because i cant put my thoughts to words. but because i dont even know what im thinking in the first place. its like being in a dark room with a torchlight that blinks every damn a fraction of a second. you know you're seeing something, but you cant make out what it actually is.
why?
i may have the answer......but i prefer silence for now
why?
i may have the answer......but i prefer silence for now
just random
Take piano: keys begin, keys end. You know there are 88 of them. Nobody can tell you any different. They are not infinite. You're infinite... And on those keys, the music that you can make... is infinite. I like that. That I can live by...
You rolled out in front of me a keyboard of millions of keys, millions and billions of keys that never end. And that's the truth Max, that they never end. That keyboard is infinite... and if that keyboard is infinite, then on that keyboard there is no music you can play. You're sitting on the wrong bench... That is God's piano.
Christ, did you... did you see the streets, just the streets? There were thousands of them! Then how you do it down there, how do you choose just one... one woman, one house, one landscape to look at, one way to die...?
-1900-
the legend of 1900
You rolled out in front of me a keyboard of millions of keys, millions and billions of keys that never end. And that's the truth Max, that they never end. That keyboard is infinite... and if that keyboard is infinite, then on that keyboard there is no music you can play. You're sitting on the wrong bench... That is God's piano.
Christ, did you... did you see the streets, just the streets? There were thousands of them! Then how you do it down there, how do you choose just one... one woman, one house, one landscape to look at, one way to die...?
-1900-
the legend of 1900
ktt : week1
i suppose everyone doesnt like that feeling when they are leaving their comfort zone. for 17 years, my comfort zone was home....and my family. nope, didnt go to boarding school, didnt go anywhere without my parents. leaving home for matrix was something rather drastic in my life. considering the fact that i dont do laundry, iron, or any house chores.....apart from vacuuming and wiping every single surface in my room whenever exam approaches, or any major events instead of studying. back in matrix, i was still ok with the new environment, because i took into consideration that home is half an hour away....20 minutes if im driving, and if i dont like matrix, i can always opt to go for jpa. plus, i can go back home every week. with this in mind, leaving home wasnt hard, because i never really left it in the first place, considering the fact that i send my laundry home, and because i had an alternative should i hate matrix....which is jpa.
orientation week in matrix made things better, as i found a few friends who are equally insane and hyper at the same time. blending in with everyone isnt my thing, but at least i wasnt the odd one out there. some said their first impression of me was that i was proud....maybe due to the fact that i rarely start a conversation or reply in the least amount of words possible. but things got better. i made more friends, i know more lecturers, i can cope with the studying method there. i was already adjusting to the new atmosphere......i found my comfort zone again in matrix. and thats why matrix didnt feel so bad. well, of course im not the most popular guy in the campus, nor i had a buddy to go makan dinner with or even a friend to go to the library with everyday. but that didnt really matter plainly because i was used to solitude in certain ways.....those ways. point is......i made myself home.
taking up the jpa offer meant that i had to change places. right now, im in ktt, kolej teknologi timur, in sepang. i dont mean to exaggerate, but my first impression of this place was "oh fuck, i screwed up". orientation week was kinda of a task for the first few days....but when it reached the end, we had fun. serious fun. i may not know the names of everyone in my group, nor have i made friends out of these new acquaintances, and the ghost stories i heard from the seniors yesterday didnt make me feel any better....but for once, i think i can learn to be independent. for once, i believe i can create my sanctuary anywhere in the world. but as always, i need someone else to do my laundry and ironing.
orientation week in matrix made things better, as i found a few friends who are equally insane and hyper at the same time. blending in with everyone isnt my thing, but at least i wasnt the odd one out there. some said their first impression of me was that i was proud....maybe due to the fact that i rarely start a conversation or reply in the least amount of words possible. but things got better. i made more friends, i know more lecturers, i can cope with the studying method there. i was already adjusting to the new atmosphere......i found my comfort zone again in matrix. and thats why matrix didnt feel so bad. well, of course im not the most popular guy in the campus, nor i had a buddy to go makan dinner with or even a friend to go to the library with everyday. but that didnt really matter plainly because i was used to solitude in certain ways.....those ways. point is......i made myself home.
taking up the jpa offer meant that i had to change places. right now, im in ktt, kolej teknologi timur, in sepang. i dont mean to exaggerate, but my first impression of this place was "oh fuck, i screwed up". orientation week was kinda of a task for the first few days....but when it reached the end, we had fun. serious fun. i may not know the names of everyone in my group, nor have i made friends out of these new acquaintances, and the ghost stories i heard from the seniors yesterday didnt make me feel any better....but for once, i think i can learn to be independent. for once, i believe i can create my sanctuary anywhere in the world. but as always, i need someone else to do my laundry and ironing.
realise
thank you for making me realise that im only human.
but it's about time for you to do the same.
give yourself a chance to be happy again
but it's about time for you to do the same.
give yourself a chance to be happy again
photo-ish mood again
things i'll never say
meet sam
meet maltose
public shower?
jet boiling water for maggi
walk and more walk
our little mascot lost her left wing
our banner
banner making process
gundams on display in gurney
i might just flip it again
HEADS
go to kolej teknologi timur in sepang for a 2 year foundation programme, pass the minimum requirement which i dont know yet, go to rcmp, royal college of medicine perak in ipoh for degree for 5 years, most likely living in the new hostel, 2 year houseman, 3 year serve govt hospital, 5 remaining years bonded with jpa, take masters. its safer this route, but A levels is going to be hard i suppose and its going to take a longer time, max 2 years extra.
TAILS
stay in matrix for one year, it's halfway through the first semester, work my ass off the get into a decent university that offers me to do medicine, most likely i'll need a 4.0, finish degree in 5 years, 2 years houseman, 3 years serve govt hospital. after that, im a free man, no bloody ten year bond with jpa. this road is way faster, but i would need to compete to get into a proper university....and im doing medicine......putting aside the fact that im a bumiputra, i would still need rather good results to do medicine. and who knows where i'll get.
gravity would resume its services on monday
go to kolej teknologi timur in sepang for a 2 year foundation programme, pass the minimum requirement which i dont know yet, go to rcmp, royal college of medicine perak in ipoh for degree for 5 years, most likely living in the new hostel, 2 year houseman, 3 year serve govt hospital, 5 remaining years bonded with jpa, take masters. its safer this route, but A levels is going to be hard i suppose and its going to take a longer time, max 2 years extra.
TAILS
stay in matrix for one year, it's halfway through the first semester, work my ass off the get into a decent university that offers me to do medicine, most likely i'll need a 4.0, finish degree in 5 years, 2 years houseman, 3 years serve govt hospital. after that, im a free man, no bloody ten year bond with jpa. this road is way faster, but i would need to compete to get into a proper university....and im doing medicine......putting aside the fact that im a bumiputra, i would still need rather good results to do medicine. and who knows where i'll get.
gravity would resume its services on monday
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