i used to believe that i can always do something, change something i didn't like, and do better if i just put in more hours and effort into it. i used to believe that impossible is nothing. i refused to give up, and to follow the course fate has set me for. i ignored what everyone said, i thought, i can always do something, regardless how little the effects would be, i wanted to make a difference. so much for my raison detre.
it doesn't matter if it was about scoring higher for add math, or running a bit further than usual, or jumping an inch higher than the day before. i always had this mindset, that i could do something about everything. destiny and fate meant nothing to me. i wouldn't even let the god factor interfere. i make my luck....no matter what happens, if it's me thats rolling the dice, then nothing else matters.
lately i realised something. i came to accept that there are certain things that i can never change afterall. i lost my grandad recently, and i was in college. we're not close, but i wanted to do something for him....to be there. i couldn't. it just hit me.....im just a tiny chess piece in this mad world. there's just so much i can do.....the rest is up to the big guy. im still an agnostic by virtue. big guy isnt an omnipotent being controlling the universe, he's just randomness, coincidence, the sum of cause and effect of every single action taken by everyone.
perhaps.....the truth is, life is indeed larger than ourselves. this time, i have to accept it. ngeh
because my hands would be in my pockets this time...
5 comments:
Being a doctor-to-be is a big guy thing, you know. Fire up. Chill. Go for what you want. Then you'll be a real big guy.
btw isnt this gender discrimination? Why isnt there something like big girl thing? Why is it always big guy?
ps: I signed in this time.
pps: Sorry i deleted the previous one accidentally =/
cos you always refer to god as him. if i call him it, so theists would think im insulting god, so i follow the normalities
You know what would be nice? Outbeating life and screwing reality.
I wonder if there is way to do so? Let me know if you happen to find the means to do so. Am still searching over here..
yea, reality sucks. and i still wana change it, no matter how powerless i am. still refusing to give in
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