scars

i have scars. one of them is on my finger, my pinky. it's quite obvious and in turn, a lot of people ask me about it. i cut the story short and tell them "when i was two, i put that finger between a see saw and it sorta got crushed".

i never wear gloves, but that doesn't mean i don't try to hide it. either i walk with my right hand in the pocket, or just keep my fingers together so it wont show. i've always asked myself whether would it feel any different when i have handshakes. i don't want people to know about it. i was torn between being embarrassed about this scar or just didn't want to tell the story all over again. im not that much of a talker.

i've had this scar for 17 years now. the only way i've managed that is either by ignoring it or accepting the fact that it doesn't matter. do i pretend not to see it whenever i look at my hand or do i accept it as a part of me?

why would i ignore it? because i would be embarrassed? because its a deformity? because its a sign of a foolish mistake?

ignoring a problem would never solve it. i know that better than some. ignoring something is just another method of running away, an act of denial. it is to pretend it didn't happen. it is to constantly live in the past. im sorry but time doesn't wait for anyone.

so why not just accept the fact that i have a scar? to do that, is to admit i am somewhat incomplete, abnormal. but i guess it's better than living a lie, cause one day, i'll run out of excuses.
that's why stories should be written in pen and not pencil