one down, a lot more to go

spm trials is kinda near, and im here. to get rid of the guilt of not sitting down trying to study for sejarah, i stayed up till 3 yesterday, so i can update this blog.....and talk about stuff that has been on my mind for....quite a number of days. well, after reading that dude's blog, im pretty sure one thing has been cleared. its weird that i dont feel like killing the dude, so i guess thats the way it is, and i'll leave it be, sit back, and watch a story unveiling itself in a matter of time.....and what a good story that is. so i was wrong, and im glad i was.

if anyone can figure that out, they wouldnt have a problem cracking the da vinci code.

i can go on and make you more confused, but im changing the topic, and poof, DEBATE. the dates are the 8th of october, though its not been fixed yet, nothing was ever fixed at all. so thats a month before spm. that would be the best reason not to go.......but as always, its never that easy. sir has been preaching to us about the prospects of going, take it positively, its our last year, our last chance, and what a waste it would be to put it aside. sure, we can have a debate whether we should go or not, but i predict that the outcome is gonna in the form of jigsaw puzzles, with half of the pieces missing. i've heard it way too many time, "it'd be a waste not to go and finish the job" in my head.....but if its a job, then its not fun, so it pointless in doing something thats not fun.

debate is supposed to be a fun thing to do, and when obligation starts to swirl in that room and posses everyone, its a job, which makes me feel like not going at all. i hate to rebut sir, but i dont see that as a waste, two years in the debate team is never a waste, even if we lose or die on our way to kelantan, and pulling out is not a waste either. i've gain so much because it was fun, but this time, i doubt it'd be like last year, where we were there just to try our luck. if we go this time, im sure the form five dudes are going to find a reason to justify their presence in kelantan instead of at home studying their asses off....and if we lose in that condition, im afraid its gona do us some damage, and definitely spm. even if we win, i dont think the trophy is worth it.

thanks to that endless postponements, i've lost my spirits, and so have some of us, minus putra. without it, we are better off reading textbooks, rather than forcing ourselves to go debate. i have the ability to go, i got the permission to go, i just dont want to go. i got the "can", but i dont have the "want"...thats what really matters.....desire, objective...u name it.

if we go, then we are trying to do some justice to the hours we put in debate. then, we would be trying to claim the lost time by having the national trophy. i felt that sir is trying to do that, he's trying to justify that countless of hours of debate session. but the more we do that, the more we are afraid those hours spent will do us no justice, that it'd be gone to waste.

LET IT GO, the hours, the effort, do not try to justify that by going to kelantan, that is not way it is supposed to be. go if you WANT TO GO! too bad i lost that feeling already. im letting it go, the chance of being national champ, the chance to go up the stage and blast some debaters.....because i just dont want it anymore.

and dude, as in the one confused, if you are reading this, good luck with that confusion of yours....deep shit eh? me? i just got out of it, thanks to the freedom of speech, and the beauty of words...plus the internet.