a post about independence? im not patriotic, but what the heck
happy merdeka day malaysia.
climb, stare into nothingness, breathe
it may not be a beautiful scenery, it may mean nothing, it might just be me.
but it empties my mind.
ps : can you read my mind? because i can't.
the kartika case...........
that might change something. things like having 2 law systems in one country, things like having loose definitions, things like misconduct, things that sounded to me like injustice and prejudice, things that redefines what the law must be about and what it should really do. people forgot that there are reasons why some punishments are done in the afterlife, they forgot that some things are out of their power and position.
and most importantly, they forgot what is the true purpose of religon and faith. and yet, they claim they are rightful. FUCK. im sorry for the language, but that's the only word that fits perfectly in a such fucked up situation.
and most importantly, they forgot what is the true purpose of religon and faith. and yet, they claim they are rightful. FUCK. im sorry for the language, but that's the only word that fits perfectly in a such fucked up situation.
packed 2 bags with clothes and books...just to look pulun. took saba taxi to ktm nilai, took the train to salak selatan, stood all the way because it was kinda packed, saw a small kid who i think, called me "kakak".......is my hair that long?, waited at station for uncle, raining and lightning strikes, saw a cold cat and didnt have any food with me......felt kinda bad, dinner in petaling street, went to pavilion for thai horror movie....in shorts....for the 11.35pm screening, borrowed uncle's jacket because it was cold, really cold, went through the first half an hour of the movie eager to be scared, couldn't stop laughing when uncle screamed at the ghost, and finally got bored when it was near the ending. yamcha....however you spell it, after movies, went back to uncle's place, slept at 3, woke up at 5, bus is at 10, reach home around 5.
ok, now, updates done.
hey, do remember that the helpline is 24/7.........
ok, now, updates done.
hey, do remember that the helpline is 24/7.........
hey...
it's raining here, coupled with a few lightnings, cool ones if i may. whenever im confused, its either i write a post without the minutiae or just crap and start keyboard bashing. its easy, because i can empty my mind and people won't trouble themselves trying to help me because they would have no idea what's going on. i blog without making sense because my mind doesnt too.
now, i've found my sanctuary, right in the middle of this pandemonium. funny i suppose, to the extend of irony perhaps. climbing the hill does help, of course, the walkman is an indispensable item as well. it's not that i find the solution to my problems, but rather, it just take my mind off everything. i mean, i have to actually pay attention to my footing when i get to the rocky parts, so the only thing that would be running in a tape loop in my head is "ben, don't slip, don't fall, don't screw up". it does work, and that would explain the lack of updates from me. thats a darn long excuse eh?
but today, well, siren didnt call because i forget to ask, and i set my alarm at 6am instead of 6pm and i overslept. which directly translates to i didnt get my uphill walk and im here trying to write what i feel without letting anyone actually escape this conundrum im setting up.
honestly, im lost for words, im in a nonplussed condition and i have no idea what im talking about. i've been thinking about what would happen if i told you everything 2 years earlier. i wonder whether it can last till now. wonder if it's ever going to work. did i just miss my window 2 years back? i know things would be different, but i can't say for the better because im not judgmental......but at least i would know where i stand.
shit, i gotta stop before i start comparing. its not fair. what im trying to say is........nevermind.
how can you keep saying "No" when you still call me up when there's a thunderstorm?
now, i've found my sanctuary, right in the middle of this pandemonium. funny i suppose, to the extend of irony perhaps. climbing the hill does help, of course, the walkman is an indispensable item as well. it's not that i find the solution to my problems, but rather, it just take my mind off everything. i mean, i have to actually pay attention to my footing when i get to the rocky parts, so the only thing that would be running in a tape loop in my head is "ben, don't slip, don't fall, don't screw up". it does work, and that would explain the lack of updates from me. thats a darn long excuse eh?
but today, well, siren didnt call because i forget to ask, and i set my alarm at 6am instead of 6pm and i overslept. which directly translates to i didnt get my uphill walk and im here trying to write what i feel without letting anyone actually escape this conundrum im setting up.
honestly, im lost for words, im in a nonplussed condition and i have no idea what im talking about. i've been thinking about what would happen if i told you everything 2 years earlier. i wonder whether it can last till now. wonder if it's ever going to work. did i just miss my window 2 years back? i know things would be different, but i can't say for the better because im not judgmental......but at least i would know where i stand.
shit, i gotta stop before i start comparing. its not fair. what im trying to say is........nevermind.
how can you keep saying "No" when you still call me up when there's a thunderstorm?
to old and new readers
ok, since one kttian found my link, more people know about my blog, and rather odd events has occured. but heck, i dont think its gona change anything because, one, i dont care what people see me as; two, its my blog, and i can write anything i want here.
so i guess people's perception towards me might change with a certain degree of unexpected acceleration. i dont know whether thats good or bad, since playing jekyll and hyde can be quite interesting sometimes.
anyway, if you're reading this again, looking for clues or signs, you're not getting it here. hey, it wont be fun if you know about it. im serious, you spoil this one intentionally, you're not getting the bonus reward...ok? by the way, it's time the stars part from actions eh? i want to make them real.
because my cracked lips are.
so i guess people's perception towards me might change with a certain degree of unexpected acceleration. i dont know whether thats good or bad, since playing jekyll and hyde can be quite interesting sometimes.
anyway, if you're reading this again, looking for clues or signs, you're not getting it here. hey, it wont be fun if you know about it. im serious, you spoil this one intentionally, you're not getting the bonus reward...ok? by the way, it's time the stars part from actions eh? i want to make them real.
because my cracked lips are.
its not supposed to make sense anyway
out of nowhere, i finally felt the gap, the distance. it has always been there, both literally and metaphorically, but i have always ignored it.....for 2 years....distance wasnt a problem. but today would be a watershed.
im not fond of socializing with people, and i would prefer some degree of solitude for most of the time. but today, i feel so alone. literally. no friends, no class, no jogging because my foot still hurts, no games, no nothing. shit. what the hell is going on. i need to feel alive. and no one is around to help with me that.
there's only futsal, volleyball, badminton and ping pong here. im not much of a sports person, and these games actually requires someone fit enough to play. im not. i dont hang around with everyone in college. i dont go to the library and study because its a bit cold for me, and the librarian hasnt got the best smile in the world. i usually go out on weekend, looking for my uncle, staying over at his place, walk around kl for food, and shopping for random stuff..like apples and skittles.
let's see if i can change myself and what i think about college life in ktt.
ps : sorry if i was of any trouble
im not fond of socializing with people, and i would prefer some degree of solitude for most of the time. but today, i feel so alone. literally. no friends, no class, no jogging because my foot still hurts, no games, no nothing. shit. what the hell is going on. i need to feel alive. and no one is around to help with me that.
there's only futsal, volleyball, badminton and ping pong here. im not much of a sports person, and these games actually requires someone fit enough to play. im not. i dont hang around with everyone in college. i dont go to the library and study because its a bit cold for me, and the librarian hasnt got the best smile in the world. i usually go out on weekend, looking for my uncle, staying over at his place, walk around kl for food, and shopping for random stuff..like apples and skittles.
- i dont feel like going to the library and study.
- i dont feel like making friends at all right now.
- i dont want to play any kind of sport.
- i dont wana pick up a book and read it
- i dont feel like starting a conversation with my classmates
- i dont want to be known
- i dont want to try to close the gap just to impress someone
- i dont care what people think of me
- i dont like going out to town cos theres nothing there
- i dont like being here
let's see if i can change myself and what i think about college life in ktt.
ps : sorry if i was of any trouble
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