ever been on a roller coaster ride of a gamut of emotions that left you speechless? life is like a roller coaster, and it's full of twists and bends that give you the thrill, loops that, for a split second, give you zero gravity, straights that make your eyes struggle to keep pace with the rails and the stop that lets you breathe a sigh of relief. i've seen people shouting their lungs out on roller coasters, kids crying refusing to hop in for a ride. some can't wait to get on it, some can't wait to get off it. it's not just a metaphor. it's real. and so was yesterday.

problem is, i don't know what i felt yesterday or what i feel right now. some were jumping, some cried, some laughed. emotions like happy, satisfied, depressed, guilty, dissapointed, relief.....these words should describe yesterday. but i can't say the same for myself. i just don't know what i felt, or what i should have feel. im just lost. i know life isnt full of certainties, but this void of doubt and second thoughts is consuming me.

some said i should be happy or perhaps glad..........and that's what i told other people too. who am i kidding? for someone who's got this hell hole to deal with, who cant even understand himself, i would be the worst person to act like i know what they felt.

by the way, congrats to everyone....not for the outcome, but for putting one chapter of our lives behind us. it may not be the best day in the world, but it's over. now, i could really use a pair of wings and fly away for a while.