im not much of a planner. i barely have things laid out for tomorrow, let alone my plan for my future. this could be one of the deciding moments in life that one rarely finds a restart button, and i still dont know what im doing.
the constant things that my parents have been telling me for the past two years is "medicine, doctor, colourblind, gifted". im supposed to do medicine to become a doctor because i should not waste my gift and because my colourblindness limits my choice of career. i don't see any reason why i shouldn't be a doctor, but the same applies vice versa. but somehow, they do. it's a stable career, there's always a high demand, good pay, relax working life, and you'll be giving your service to the public. what they forgot is to ask me whether im afraid of blood. 2 years of brainwashing and they left out the most important part. so much for planning, it must run in the family.
so, i have absolutely no idea what the next 5 years or 10 have in store for me, and i have no question either, but one. suppose i do become a medical officer, or perhaps a specialist, and i screw up......what's going to happen to me. i actually asked this today to the doctor who was in the accidents & emergency dept. her reply, was rather hypothetical; as long as you have done your best, then you shouldn't feel guilty. back to reality, shit happens and people make mistakes. i mean, no one is at their best every day. one day, i might just give the wrong meds, or cut the wrong parts.....fact is, no one's perfect, and that's going to catch up on me sooner or later. the main difference is, if i choose other fields, or careers, my mistakes would not be so severe, or perhaps, would not be give a direct impact. worst come to worst, i trigger a chain of reaction of mistakes and a whole lot of people are in deep shit, and we all share the blame. but as a doctor, my mistakes or misconduct would consequently affect the life and death of a patient. how can i handle death if im the one who invited him over to see my patient? can anyone? as realistic as i try to be, i don't see a carbon-based life form developed by eons of evolution undergoing a natural process of dying when i screw up. i see my hands around their necks......
no thanks to the mices
i might be a whole lot shallower than i thought. im jumping and screaming for passing my jpj test. this is weird, but getting my P is more exciting than getting a bloody straight As. ok, so i spilled the beans........i didnt plan to put my results here, but heck, it's been 5 days, it's no big stuff, not anymore. i don't think the feeling when i got my upsr, pmr and spm results all combined into one could match this one. i think driving really turn my hyper switch on. i know driving won't be fun, because you need to make sure you don't kill little kids when your doing 120km/h without spilling your milo bungkus, because you need to make sure you don't scratch the car that you're paying for the next 10 years of your working life, and because malaysia has bad drivers and bad roads. still, right now, i dont care how reality works.
went to jvc driving school at 9, got back at 5.30. says a lot about rotting away right? and i ate the food there for the 1st and last time. cant believe a plate of rice with only one type of dish and iced milo cost 5.90. the bike test went on smoothly, but the car was ciplang, really ciplang. because i was doing bike and car on the same day, i had to do bike, then only car. by the time i finish bike test and took my number for car.....it was 178. then there was the car. the kancil for the bukit was fine, except that the throttle isn't as sensitive as the one i practised with. then the kancil for the parking and three point turn had mices running the wheels instead of an engine. if ever there was a "perlumbaan ketiga" between a kancil and kura kura.....kura kura would win again. but the worst was the jalan raya kancil. i stalled 3 times even before crossing the start line....stupid malaysian car. then there was the tester, which was a liar. he said i didn't check whether the gear was in neutral, didn't check the mirrors and that i didn't overtake properly. just because the engine died three times didn't mean it wasn't in neutral, it means you need a new car. then i did check all the mirror, because i rolled down the window, which he completely saw, because he told me not to roll it up again. then the reckless overtaking. i was not reckless, and i didnt bloody overtake anycar. what on earth with a motor engine can you overtake when you're doing 50 in a 90 road. i overtake no car, because i wasn't fast enough to get close to the one 50 metres in front of me. stupid lying tester. when i was driving, i think i saw a harley davidson....im not sure, im not good with bikes.....but it was the coolest bike i've ever seen. forget batman's or terminator's bikes, this is far cooler by a whole mile. too bad the mices in the bonnet were tired, so i couldnt make a deadly U-turn and catch up with the rider to ask him about the model.
by the way, on the eve of hyper-ness, i bought a P sticker for bike. I DON'T HAVE A MOTORCYCLE!!!!
went to jvc driving school at 9, got back at 5.30. says a lot about rotting away right? and i ate the food there for the 1st and last time. cant believe a plate of rice with only one type of dish and iced milo cost 5.90. the bike test went on smoothly, but the car was ciplang, really ciplang. because i was doing bike and car on the same day, i had to do bike, then only car. by the time i finish bike test and took my number for car.....it was 178. then there was the car. the kancil for the bukit was fine, except that the throttle isn't as sensitive as the one i practised with. then the kancil for the parking and three point turn had mices running the wheels instead of an engine. if ever there was a "perlumbaan ketiga" between a kancil and kura kura.....kura kura would win again. but the worst was the jalan raya kancil. i stalled 3 times even before crossing the start line....stupid malaysian car. then there was the tester, which was a liar. he said i didn't check whether the gear was in neutral, didn't check the mirrors and that i didn't overtake properly. just because the engine died three times didn't mean it wasn't in neutral, it means you need a new car. then i did check all the mirror, because i rolled down the window, which he completely saw, because he told me not to roll it up again. then the reckless overtaking. i was not reckless, and i didnt bloody overtake anycar. what on earth with a motor engine can you overtake when you're doing 50 in a 90 road. i overtake no car, because i wasn't fast enough to get close to the one 50 metres in front of me. stupid lying tester. when i was driving, i think i saw a harley davidson....im not sure, im not good with bikes.....but it was the coolest bike i've ever seen. forget batman's or terminator's bikes, this is far cooler by a whole mile. too bad the mices in the bonnet were tired, so i couldnt make a deadly U-turn and catch up with the rider to ask him about the model.
by the way, on the eve of hyper-ness, i bought a P sticker for bike. I DON'T HAVE A MOTORCYCLE!!!!
ever been on a roller coaster ride of a gamut of emotions that left you speechless? life is like a roller coaster, and it's full of twists and bends that give you the thrill, loops that, for a split second, give you zero gravity, straights that make your eyes struggle to keep pace with the rails and the stop that lets you breathe a sigh of relief. i've seen people shouting their lungs out on roller coasters, kids crying refusing to hop in for a ride. some can't wait to get on it, some can't wait to get off it. it's not just a metaphor. it's real. and so was yesterday.
problem is, i don't know what i felt yesterday or what i feel right now. some were jumping, some cried, some laughed. emotions like happy, satisfied, depressed, guilty, dissapointed, relief.....these words should describe yesterday. but i can't say the same for myself. i just don't know what i felt, or what i should have feel. im just lost. i know life isnt full of certainties, but this void of doubt and second thoughts is consuming me.
some said i should be happy or perhaps glad..........and that's what i told other people too. who am i kidding? for someone who's got this hell hole to deal with, who cant even understand himself, i would be the worst person to act like i know what they felt.
by the way, congrats to everyone....not for the outcome, but for putting one chapter of our lives behind us. it may not be the best day in the world, but it's over. now, i could really use a pair of wings and fly away for a while.
problem is, i don't know what i felt yesterday or what i feel right now. some were jumping, some cried, some laughed. emotions like happy, satisfied, depressed, guilty, dissapointed, relief.....these words should describe yesterday. but i can't say the same for myself. i just don't know what i felt, or what i should have feel. im just lost. i know life isnt full of certainties, but this void of doubt and second thoughts is consuming me.
some said i should be happy or perhaps glad..........and that's what i told other people too. who am i kidding? for someone who's got this hell hole to deal with, who cant even understand himself, i would be the worst person to act like i know what they felt.
by the way, congrats to everyone....not for the outcome, but for putting one chapter of our lives behind us. it may not be the best day in the world, but it's over. now, i could really use a pair of wings and fly away for a while.
driving
ok, great, another driving session. im supposed to be enjoying this more than anyone, since im a petrol head. i know they only give you a damn kancil, but when you're burning someone else's clutch, it's still supposed to be fun. the bike stuff is really pissing me off, because i keep getting fucked up kapcais that keep dying when i lock the rear wheels. either im the only one who actually went full speed and really jam the brakes in the emergency braking test, or the bikes they provide need new engines. this whole driving experience so far is nowhere near tolerable. to be exact, it's like going to school when i was ten, almost identical. i hate getting up early so i can be somewhere i don't like, i hate wasting one hour to get to drive a car i feel like crashing. the psp isn't much help because then people will think im some rich bastard showing off or some geek will approach me and ask what game im playing. on the brightside, im getting pretty good at bikes. heck, only rode them twice. and im getting used to the steering wheel and pedals. my life revolves around the ps2, which means im so used to the dualshock, where X means go, square means stop, and circle means im losing it. so adjusting to a real life driving tools takes some time, on the road and off the game.
just a few questions on driving though. with the younger generation are accustomed to dualshocks, why not use them in cars? if it works in the virtual world, why won't it work in the real world. it will solve a lot of problems too. it will definitely be a solution to the right/left hand drive issue. and it will save a lot of cabin space as well. and it will prevent the brake pedal from crushing your foot or the steering wheel from breaking your ribs, because they wont be there at all.
then, we come to manual cars. you see, there are a lot of transmission in the world today, we have auto, semi-auto, manual, and single gears. even in a manual car, you can have them without clutches, like those with the flappy paddle gearbox. so why must all of us be tested with only one type of transmission that will be obsolete in the future? as you are aware, we are running out of petroleum soon. and the alternatives are bio fuel, electric and hydrogen. so far, the most promising one would be in the form of a honda clarity which runs on liquified hydrogen. it mixes hydrogen with oxygen which results in electrical energy and pure water. the electricity will run an electric motor which drives the wheel. for your information, electric motors have only one moving part, which means there's no gear, which means there's no need to shift, which means we wont need a damn clutch anymore soon. so just get rid of it before i burn all the clutches in the driving school.
just a few questions on driving though. with the younger generation are accustomed to dualshocks, why not use them in cars? if it works in the virtual world, why won't it work in the real world. it will solve a lot of problems too. it will definitely be a solution to the right/left hand drive issue. and it will save a lot of cabin space as well. and it will prevent the brake pedal from crushing your foot or the steering wheel from breaking your ribs, because they wont be there at all.
then, we come to manual cars. you see, there are a lot of transmission in the world today, we have auto, semi-auto, manual, and single gears. even in a manual car, you can have them without clutches, like those with the flappy paddle gearbox. so why must all of us be tested with only one type of transmission that will be obsolete in the future? as you are aware, we are running out of petroleum soon. and the alternatives are bio fuel, electric and hydrogen. so far, the most promising one would be in the form of a honda clarity which runs on liquified hydrogen. it mixes hydrogen with oxygen which results in electrical energy and pure water. the electricity will run an electric motor which drives the wheel. for your information, electric motors have only one moving part, which means there's no gear, which means there's no need to shift, which means we wont need a damn clutch anymore soon. so just get rid of it before i burn all the clutches in the driving school.
it's all messed up
that's it. i can't take anymore of this stupid deliberate distortion from them. they who called themselves righteous and stand in the right path. first yoga, then valentine's day, what's next, banning english films? banning US products? banning new year celebration? banning the way i live my life?
it's on tv, it's in the paper, it's everywhere. muslims shouldn't celebrate valentine's day, they shouldn't practise yoga, they shouldn't buy american products.......you get the idea. let's start with valentine's day. there are many theories on the origin of that particular day. the 1st is about the ancient Rome celebration, Lupercalia. then we have two version of the st valentine's story, the one who wrote the letter, and the one who performed marriages for young lovers in secret. and other is about st. valentine who was responsible for the fall of an islamic empire. civilization has begun thousands of years ago, and in that period, many many 14th february has passed, and many people with the name valentine got their names in the pages of history. it's just a coincidence, not a conundrum. many things happened years ago, just that certain events just had to occur on the 14th of february, or regarding someone named valentine. which is why one side of the story does not explain the celebration we had yesterday. i admit, we don't know which one is the true version, so why risk celebrating for the wrong cause? but let's not forget, religions had their versions too, you know which is which, and several million people are holding on the each version without doubt, fear of being wrong, or second thoughts. so why the injustice? secondly, dates. yes, maybe st valentine did brought down an islamic empire to its knees on the 14th, but maybe another st valentine did write that letter as well. both might be true, but the reason for the valentine's day of the modern world significantly is based on the letter, the romantic version, not another boring chapter of history. here's a perfect example, 31st of august is the day we celebrate the independence of our country. 31st of august is also the day princess diana lost her life in the car crash in paris. so while malaysian are celebrating, the british, and the rest of the world, are mourning. it might sound like we are celebrating for the loss of a royal family member of a country that has invaded ours before, but that's not the real story now is it. same logic applies to valentine's day. the last puzzle piece is intent. let's pick another date, say 6th of august 1945....hiroshima bombing. its the day thousands of civilians died in a single attack. so if i were to get married to an american on the 6th of august, does it mean that im offending any japanese on purpose? it boils down to personal intentions. if one celebrates valentine's for the sake for treasuring love, then let it be, despite the controversial anecdotes of its origin. isn't intent important in religion? what's the point of doing good if there's no sincerity?
now, yoga. it's old stuff, but that doesn't mean we can put it behind us so easily. yes, it's true yoga has the essense from the hindu religion. some of its posture can be traced back to religious elements in hindu. so what? if a muslims practises yoga to have a healthier life, so be it. a posture means nothing without intentions. just because im showing my middle finger, doesn't mean im telling you to fuck off.......because i've seen a lot of those, in school, in public, when old people talk, and it's ok, cos they didn't mean it. but when some yoga practioners do some moves, these preachers just had to say something. cant these people see, that standing with one's limbs twisted and turns doesn't mean he or she is commiting himself to the gods, it means he's stretching his damn arms and legs because he don't want to end up with a walking stick when he's 50. the issue is resolved, i know, but the problem is, it was never an issue at all. then some boisterous old man can't find anything else to do than giving every yoga practioner a tough time, then it became an issue.
the problem with religion today is not the lack of faith, commitment or kindness. it's those people who claimed themselves to be correct, to be righteous and decide that the rest must follow anything he says. that's not religion in my opinion, that's didacticism hiding cowardly behind god.
it's on tv, it's in the paper, it's everywhere. muslims shouldn't celebrate valentine's day, they shouldn't practise yoga, they shouldn't buy american products.......you get the idea. let's start with valentine's day. there are many theories on the origin of that particular day. the 1st is about the ancient Rome celebration, Lupercalia. then we have two version of the st valentine's story, the one who wrote the letter, and the one who performed marriages for young lovers in secret. and other is about st. valentine who was responsible for the fall of an islamic empire. civilization has begun thousands of years ago, and in that period, many many 14th february has passed, and many people with the name valentine got their names in the pages of history. it's just a coincidence, not a conundrum. many things happened years ago, just that certain events just had to occur on the 14th of february, or regarding someone named valentine. which is why one side of the story does not explain the celebration we had yesterday. i admit, we don't know which one is the true version, so why risk celebrating for the wrong cause? but let's not forget, religions had their versions too, you know which is which, and several million people are holding on the each version without doubt, fear of being wrong, or second thoughts. so why the injustice? secondly, dates. yes, maybe st valentine did brought down an islamic empire to its knees on the 14th, but maybe another st valentine did write that letter as well. both might be true, but the reason for the valentine's day of the modern world significantly is based on the letter, the romantic version, not another boring chapter of history. here's a perfect example, 31st of august is the day we celebrate the independence of our country. 31st of august is also the day princess diana lost her life in the car crash in paris. so while malaysian are celebrating, the british, and the rest of the world, are mourning. it might sound like we are celebrating for the loss of a royal family member of a country that has invaded ours before, but that's not the real story now is it. same logic applies to valentine's day. the last puzzle piece is intent. let's pick another date, say 6th of august 1945....hiroshima bombing. its the day thousands of civilians died in a single attack. so if i were to get married to an american on the 6th of august, does it mean that im offending any japanese on purpose? it boils down to personal intentions. if one celebrates valentine's for the sake for treasuring love, then let it be, despite the controversial anecdotes of its origin. isn't intent important in religion? what's the point of doing good if there's no sincerity?
now, yoga. it's old stuff, but that doesn't mean we can put it behind us so easily. yes, it's true yoga has the essense from the hindu religion. some of its posture can be traced back to religious elements in hindu. so what? if a muslims practises yoga to have a healthier life, so be it. a posture means nothing without intentions. just because im showing my middle finger, doesn't mean im telling you to fuck off.......because i've seen a lot of those, in school, in public, when old people talk, and it's ok, cos they didn't mean it. but when some yoga practioners do some moves, these preachers just had to say something. cant these people see, that standing with one's limbs twisted and turns doesn't mean he or she is commiting himself to the gods, it means he's stretching his damn arms and legs because he don't want to end up with a walking stick when he's 50. the issue is resolved, i know, but the problem is, it was never an issue at all. then some boisterous old man can't find anything else to do than giving every yoga practioner a tough time, then it became an issue.
the problem with religion today is not the lack of faith, commitment or kindness. it's those people who claimed themselves to be correct, to be righteous and decide that the rest must follow anything he says. that's not religion in my opinion, that's didacticism hiding cowardly behind god.
looking back
come this march, i will be no longer a student of ibrahim, officially at least. heck, we're getting a cert for that, which does sounds like they're kicking us out after 5 years of a hectic roller coaster ride. really, if school life was a roller coaster ride, the last two years was full of loops and missing rails.
the first time i step into any school was back when i was in bukit kayu hitam, and it's worse than lembah beringin. trust me. it was sekolah kebangsaan bandar bukit kayu hitam, SKBBKH. actually, i didn't enter standard one yet, i was there for kindagarten. there's absolutely no other race in that school, only malays, or at least bumiputras. so imagine a half chinese falling from th sky into that kind of environment. day one of kindagarten, i didn't cry, no, i didn't, because i've stop crying a long time ago. met some kids there, who i grew up with, as friends and enemies. there was this baldy who always had something agaisnt me, showing off around, acting like he's the boss. and the best part, i've made him cry. before you think im a bully, remember that we're the same age, and size, just that he talked so big and i proved that he was an empty can.
fast forward to standard one, i learnt ABC...air batu campur. i've known the alphabets earlier than i know what air batu campur is. then standard two and three just blurred. i don't remember what happened each year. i remembered some teacher's son acting smart in front of me, he's got that snobbish look, especially the nose. there's this kid who's insane about hindustan, he can sing any song in hindustan films. i can even pair up some names with faces, theres fatah, suhaila and syamim. the rest are nameless faces now. in standard three, i entered some english story telling competition, because i was all they got, and they got themselves a loser. i got knocked out in the first round. then it was PTS. im not sure if the system applies to other schools, but back in that school, only selected students are allowed to sit for PTS. other than that, the school had two fields, one huge huge taman, some ponds with fishes, a mini soccer field, when i said mini, the goal post is two inches tall. i even remember the parachute toy. the one made of polystrene with a plastic chute. i threw one from the school block and it flew so far it almost made it to the gate. that huge huge taman was in between the block and the gate, so it was very windy back then. the worst part of that school is that we had extra agama classes. it's from 1 to 3, and we had to dress up in baju melayu for the guys and baju kurung for girls. i didn't know one jawi alphabet back then, and i survived three years of that. in the last day in that school, i knew i had to make a grand exit, so i cycled despite the rain and lightning. i was sitting on a metal object, and to get home, i had to go up some hill, because my house is like the highest point in the area. im pretty sure some of them think im already dead.
then, i went to sekolah kebangsaan ibrahim as a standard four student. i almost didn't get it because i was some kampung student. luckily, PTS helped me out. there wasn't much going on in standard four, but the fact the primary ibrahim was an all boys school sure meant it was rather insane. if not mistaken, i entered choral speaking twice in that school, just that i dont remember when. in standard four, i was closer to the malays, because 4 years in bukit kayu hitam made some impact to me. standard 5, got into prefect, standard 6 upsr. nothing special about those 3 years, because it kept getting crazier every year. i used to play in the middle of the field before becoming a prefect, playing aci ligan, whatever that means. and everytime theres pjk lesson, we run around the field, chasing after one ball and spent half of the time arguing who goes which side, whether the ball was in or out and etc. i blame steve and tengku for that. there was a mandarin class in standard five, which i joined for fun. we had a nice teacher who actually bought us stuff for doing homework. i got like 3 plush toys. standard 6, i had my saviour in math, pn khew. i'll never understand fraction without her.
it wasn't long till i got my place in ibrahim secondary. form 1 was really stupid, form 2 was boring, form 3 was hell, and the last two years was the best. in form 1, i was really a nobody, well i am anyway, but form 1 was like the highest point of nobody-ness. at least i got friends there. form 2, it was the starting point for debate. form 2 was still ok, because steve and km were still thre. but when it came to form 3, i was alone. the malay guys are ok, but i wasn't close to them. in fact, the most alim dude in my class sabotaged my kh project by putting a dead lizard there. i didn't realise till after 3 days. so i've got my reasons. the only time i had fun was pj. it was the only thing i looked forward to in school. i always run to other classes when there's no teacher, because it was so boring. i didn't make friends because im not friendly, and because it would be pointless anyway. wear my shoes and you'll know. im glad im not close to most of them now.
form 4 was the turning point. i almost live form 3 all over again because of the stupid streaming system. i got into the wrong class, take my word, i won't survive that one for sure. at least i found my way to 4sn2. that was really fun. i've had one of the best english teachers ever, i had one of the worst ustaz ever, i had the devil for maths, but most importantly, i had someone there. friends who look out for you. i can go for debate sessions at any time, and leave my mess on the table, they'll pack everything for me, carry my bag down and hand it to me. when debate's over, i found another excuse to skip classes. drama. at least i helped out. even ustaz thought i was in drama as well because i've almost not enter his class at all through out the year. thats why form 4 felt so good. form 5 had its pressure on me. spm and debate. at least that worked out well. we defended our state trophy and had time to prepare for spm. well, almost i guess. march will tell me whether it really worked or not.
it's not the best way to sum up 12 years of school for me, but that's the way i remember it.
the first time i step into any school was back when i was in bukit kayu hitam, and it's worse than lembah beringin. trust me. it was sekolah kebangsaan bandar bukit kayu hitam, SKBBKH. actually, i didn't enter standard one yet, i was there for kindagarten. there's absolutely no other race in that school, only malays, or at least bumiputras. so imagine a half chinese falling from th sky into that kind of environment. day one of kindagarten, i didn't cry, no, i didn't, because i've stop crying a long time ago. met some kids there, who i grew up with, as friends and enemies. there was this baldy who always had something agaisnt me, showing off around, acting like he's the boss. and the best part, i've made him cry. before you think im a bully, remember that we're the same age, and size, just that he talked so big and i proved that he was an empty can.
fast forward to standard one, i learnt ABC...air batu campur. i've known the alphabets earlier than i know what air batu campur is. then standard two and three just blurred. i don't remember what happened each year. i remembered some teacher's son acting smart in front of me, he's got that snobbish look, especially the nose. there's this kid who's insane about hindustan, he can sing any song in hindustan films. i can even pair up some names with faces, theres fatah, suhaila and syamim. the rest are nameless faces now. in standard three, i entered some english story telling competition, because i was all they got, and they got themselves a loser. i got knocked out in the first round. then it was PTS. im not sure if the system applies to other schools, but back in that school, only selected students are allowed to sit for PTS. other than that, the school had two fields, one huge huge taman, some ponds with fishes, a mini soccer field, when i said mini, the goal post is two inches tall. i even remember the parachute toy. the one made of polystrene with a plastic chute. i threw one from the school block and it flew so far it almost made it to the gate. that huge huge taman was in between the block and the gate, so it was very windy back then. the worst part of that school is that we had extra agama classes. it's from 1 to 3, and we had to dress up in baju melayu for the guys and baju kurung for girls. i didn't know one jawi alphabet back then, and i survived three years of that. in the last day in that school, i knew i had to make a grand exit, so i cycled despite the rain and lightning. i was sitting on a metal object, and to get home, i had to go up some hill, because my house is like the highest point in the area. im pretty sure some of them think im already dead.
then, i went to sekolah kebangsaan ibrahim as a standard four student. i almost didn't get it because i was some kampung student. luckily, PTS helped me out. there wasn't much going on in standard four, but the fact the primary ibrahim was an all boys school sure meant it was rather insane. if not mistaken, i entered choral speaking twice in that school, just that i dont remember when. in standard four, i was closer to the malays, because 4 years in bukit kayu hitam made some impact to me. standard 5, got into prefect, standard 6 upsr. nothing special about those 3 years, because it kept getting crazier every year. i used to play in the middle of the field before becoming a prefect, playing aci ligan, whatever that means. and everytime theres pjk lesson, we run around the field, chasing after one ball and spent half of the time arguing who goes which side, whether the ball was in or out and etc. i blame steve and tengku for that. there was a mandarin class in standard five, which i joined for fun. we had a nice teacher who actually bought us stuff for doing homework. i got like 3 plush toys. standard 6, i had my saviour in math, pn khew. i'll never understand fraction without her.
it wasn't long till i got my place in ibrahim secondary. form 1 was really stupid, form 2 was boring, form 3 was hell, and the last two years was the best. in form 1, i was really a nobody, well i am anyway, but form 1 was like the highest point of nobody-ness. at least i got friends there. form 2, it was the starting point for debate. form 2 was still ok, because steve and km were still thre. but when it came to form 3, i was alone. the malay guys are ok, but i wasn't close to them. in fact, the most alim dude in my class sabotaged my kh project by putting a dead lizard there. i didn't realise till after 3 days. so i've got my reasons. the only time i had fun was pj. it was the only thing i looked forward to in school. i always run to other classes when there's no teacher, because it was so boring. i didn't make friends because im not friendly, and because it would be pointless anyway. wear my shoes and you'll know. im glad im not close to most of them now.
form 4 was the turning point. i almost live form 3 all over again because of the stupid streaming system. i got into the wrong class, take my word, i won't survive that one for sure. at least i found my way to 4sn2. that was really fun. i've had one of the best english teachers ever, i had one of the worst ustaz ever, i had the devil for maths, but most importantly, i had someone there. friends who look out for you. i can go for debate sessions at any time, and leave my mess on the table, they'll pack everything for me, carry my bag down and hand it to me. when debate's over, i found another excuse to skip classes. drama. at least i helped out. even ustaz thought i was in drama as well because i've almost not enter his class at all through out the year. thats why form 4 felt so good. form 5 had its pressure on me. spm and debate. at least that worked out well. we defended our state trophy and had time to prepare for spm. well, almost i guess. march will tell me whether it really worked or not.
it's not the best way to sum up 12 years of school for me, but that's the way i remember it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)