malaysians, strangely, have this taboo or superstition about numbers. maybe even the rest of thw wolrd does that, but i still dont see why is there a need to do so. numbers are plainly numbers, what could they possibly mean, other than a degree of measureable quantity. how could one ever link one particular number to anything else other than math.
so far, this is what i know about numbers.
1= the smallest, least used number, which everyone wants but not bold enough to admit it except for my "proud" school, with is "ibrahim nombor satu" motto....haiyo!
3=something to do with longevity
4=death
666=devil's number, but who needs to call when he's always nearby.
7=somesort of lucky number, 7 seas, 7 continents, 7 wonders of the wolrd, 7th heaven.
8=MONEY MONEY MONEY!
9=was this beck's number?
10=usually the biggest anniversary for people, or companies
13=friday the 13th, oh yeah, sure, thats famous all right
24=the number of hours that we officially live in a day, but the reality is, its less, minus sleep.
30=the maximum age for singles, pass this, and your considered a loser in life
40=i forgot, maybe its ancient for women, hhmm, not sure about this one.
50=who can forget, its the day where our govt used up money, faster than they can count.
60=is it a normal age for people to pass away? im not even planning to reach there yet. and the number of minutes in an hour, the number of seconds in a minute,
80=pass this age, people call you healthy
90=pass this one, people cant wait for you to cross over
100=your famous, a bit more, your name will be in the guiness
300=a weird spartan movie, where guys only wear suspenders and capes in war
point is, why is it the way it is?
to me, numbers are nothing compared to words. a 1000 words can bring one to tears, a 1000 digit number usually make people loose count. it is merely a symbol to count, as symbol of physical measurement, that can only do so much today.
can it represent how much you feel towards that person, can it show how much you love your other half, can it tell you how relieved i'd feel if i run in the middle of the school field shouting "fuck you and your stupid talks in class", can it measure the value of that trip you had with your friends?
NO!
which is why i like hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, especially the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything, and the answer was
42
for that alone, i'd give the movie 4 out of 5. why? why not? ( you should have seen that coming) life itself is subjective and various according to each individual. likewise, 42 can mean anything as well......its up to you to decide.
those numbers up there, they are generalized by the corrupted minds of the society, propagating nonsense among us. so according to them, this means this and that means that.
numbers can mean anything, they are not fixed to a certain meaning, they never were, they should never be at all, its you who's calling in the shots.
to be continued.........
man's best friend
i dont have a dog, my ustaz would kill me if he pass by my house. but my grandma has. actually, there was another one before this one.
it has this white long fur/hair, kinda small, and i used to sit next to it without it going licking all over me. my grandma used to have that when i was small, so whenever i went over to her house, i'd be playing in the compound, trying to teach that dog some tricks....which end up in total failure, because it was taught in chinese, SIT wont work, but at least i didnt have to DONT BITE ME. it was really smart, it never touch me, heck, i wouldnt care anyway. maybe my grandma told the dog i was muslim, so it cant touch me or something, maybe she brainwashed the dog, put it into special training.....i wouldnt know. that was the only dog i wasnt scared of....i freaked out when i see other stray dogs, my neighbour's loose rottweiler and etc. but when my grandma fell sick, she had to release the dog as she couldnt take care of it anymore, my auntie and uncle too occupied, and i cant exactly been seen with a dog, playing fetch in the park eh? we dont know where it went, what happened to it, but we can only hope for the best.
when my grandma got better, she had another one, and again, this dog can only understand chinese, and im scared of this one. the names either ronnie or brownnie, my grandma cant pronounce well, so i got confused. it aint that smart compared to the previous one, and it only respond by barking even louder when i said "dont get close". thinking of it, i miss the old dog, the one and only that i wont run away from.
now, i have a fish, a flowerhorn or louhan, whatever. its red, it used to have a swelling eye, maybe the horn or the bump went to the eye instead of its head and most importantly, its emo! what kind of fish that goes emo when you forget to feed it. try putting your hand and it wont hesitate to bite it, and once it does, forget about it letting go. at this stage, tamagochi/digital pet, or not having a pet at all seems like a good idea. yeah, thats rite, my best friend is my ps2, it wont bite, it doesnt need to be fed, its not emo. just plug it, play, and thats it.
i can only take its pic this close when its in the cage, thats ronnie.
it has this white long fur/hair, kinda small, and i used to sit next to it without it going licking all over me. my grandma used to have that when i was small, so whenever i went over to her house, i'd be playing in the compound, trying to teach that dog some tricks....which end up in total failure, because it was taught in chinese, SIT wont work, but at least i didnt have to DONT BITE ME. it was really smart, it never touch me, heck, i wouldnt care anyway. maybe my grandma told the dog i was muslim, so it cant touch me or something, maybe she brainwashed the dog, put it into special training.....i wouldnt know. that was the only dog i wasnt scared of....i freaked out when i see other stray dogs, my neighbour's loose rottweiler and etc. but when my grandma fell sick, she had to release the dog as she couldnt take care of it anymore, my auntie and uncle too occupied, and i cant exactly been seen with a dog, playing fetch in the park eh? we dont know where it went, what happened to it, but we can only hope for the best.
when my grandma got better, she had another one, and again, this dog can only understand chinese, and im scared of this one. the names either ronnie or brownnie, my grandma cant pronounce well, so i got confused. it aint that smart compared to the previous one, and it only respond by barking even louder when i said "dont get close". thinking of it, i miss the old dog, the one and only that i wont run away from.
now, i have a fish, a flowerhorn or louhan, whatever. its red, it used to have a swelling eye, maybe the horn or the bump went to the eye instead of its head and most importantly, its emo! what kind of fish that goes emo when you forget to feed it. try putting your hand and it wont hesitate to bite it, and once it does, forget about it letting go. at this stage, tamagochi/digital pet, or not having a pet at all seems like a good idea. yeah, thats rite, my best friend is my ps2, it wont bite, it doesnt need to be fed, its not emo. just plug it, play, and thats it.
i can only take its pic this close when its in the cage, thats ronnie.
cover songs
the are so many reasons to hate cover songs today. they arent as good as the original, in fact, most of the time, they just killed the song, they are played repeatedly on the radio till your right hand automatically reach for the power button and turn the damn radio off, and they are the result of terrible wanabes.
this isnt new, and that isnt good. when i heard the cover version of iris done by ronan keating, which was originally from goo goo dolls, i always, ALWAYS change the station, or just turn the stereo off. but last week was the first time i heard the full version of it, and i wished that ronan would have died before he could get his hands on that song. the original iris was in every possible way amazing. im not music expert, i might be even tone deaf, but i do know whats good and whats hell. i think that was one of the first songs that i've heard on my first radio, and for years, i never knew the title, except for the song itself and i love every second of it. iris is 10 years old, TEN! and its still one of the best songs i've heard. i can play it non-stop of hours, over and over again, and never get bored.....maybe im obsessed with it.
ronan thought that if he did a cover for iris, it'd be a major blow like when it was first released. stupid fella! he killed the song, forget that narcissistic video, the song itself was unforgivable. was there ever a need for a remake of that song, maybe for concerts full of his own fans, he'd still be alive, but making it an official release is suicidal. it was THE SONG that i love for so long, and some idiot just turned it into nothing but a full load of crap.
in fact, theres more cover songs that i've heard on the radio, and so far, ALL OF THEM are light years apart from the original.
1. kiss me-sixpence none the richer, simply the sweetest song..........and some guy sang that
song, made it sound gay, or desperate for physical contact, and turned it into some rock song.
2. raindrops keep falling on my head-bj thomas.
i forgot about the rest, but another thing worth pointing out is that why havent i ever heard "black balloon" on the radio before during the 17 years of my life. it was released after iris, and it never made its way to our air space. why? i could have missed this song if i didnt stumble across it on the net, and that would be absurd....because its just a great song. instead, the radio nowadays are playing either too much hip hop, wanabes, jiwang, techno, anything but proper songs thats worth a lifetime of playbacks.
this isnt new, and that isnt good. when i heard the cover version of iris done by ronan keating, which was originally from goo goo dolls, i always, ALWAYS change the station, or just turn the stereo off. but last week was the first time i heard the full version of it, and i wished that ronan would have died before he could get his hands on that song. the original iris was in every possible way amazing. im not music expert, i might be even tone deaf, but i do know whats good and whats hell. i think that was one of the first songs that i've heard on my first radio, and for years, i never knew the title, except for the song itself and i love every second of it. iris is 10 years old, TEN! and its still one of the best songs i've heard. i can play it non-stop of hours, over and over again, and never get bored.....maybe im obsessed with it.
ronan thought that if he did a cover for iris, it'd be a major blow like when it was first released. stupid fella! he killed the song, forget that narcissistic video, the song itself was unforgivable. was there ever a need for a remake of that song, maybe for concerts full of his own fans, he'd still be alive, but making it an official release is suicidal. it was THE SONG that i love for so long, and some idiot just turned it into nothing but a full load of crap.
in fact, theres more cover songs that i've heard on the radio, and so far, ALL OF THEM are light years apart from the original.
1. kiss me-sixpence none the richer, simply the sweetest song..........and some guy sang that
song, made it sound gay, or desperate for physical contact, and turned it into some rock song.
2. raindrops keep falling on my head-bj thomas.
i forgot about the rest, but another thing worth pointing out is that why havent i ever heard "black balloon" on the radio before during the 17 years of my life. it was released after iris, and it never made its way to our air space. why? i could have missed this song if i didnt stumble across it on the net, and that would be absurd....because its just a great song. instead, the radio nowadays are playing either too much hip hop, wanabes, jiwang, techno, anything but proper songs thats worth a lifetime of playbacks.
snap out of it
lately, something has been wrong, or rather, different with me....according to two people who sits next to me in add math tuition.
coffee prince
im hopelessly addicted to this korean drama. ok, i dont know whether i should be embarrassed to say that i do watch korean drama, and some soap operas, but most of the time, i just waste my time in front of the tv just because there isnt anything much to do. so i just watch them, and the next minute, i forget about it. but this particular one just grabbed my attention. was it the tomboy? the stupid mini cooper? the coffee shop? the uniform? the homosexuality issue? i dont know...but one thing for sure, i still dont think the main girl is pretty, or feminine enough. maybe i like the idea that gender doesnt matter at all, it never was, it should never be. and the fact that the main rich dude was willing to accept the fact that he fell in love with what he thought was a guy is something that would have my applause. normal? no? whatever! and there were certain scenes where it just gets stuck in my head, which one, im not telling, but you ought to know if you watch it. im not asking you to, im not even suggesting it to you, but if you want what happen to me happen to you as well, i'll be more than happy to see you in the asylum later.
my eyes are telling lies
this one is another thing that you wana consider extremely suicidal, but i think that FTO is somehow, very good looking. this is one girl, who i didnt know exist in my school until we went to the english club party last year. i was like "hey, whats school are you from? ", thinking that she was at the wrong party of the wrong school......and heck "hey ben, we ARE in the same school". kinda funny, guess being a debater does get you some popularity huh. to put up a defence of my own, when i say someone is good looking or "cun", it is from a completely professional point of view about ones look, nothing personal. yes.....im THAT kind of people, who simply grade appearance from A-F. hey, thats not so unfair, the government judge my intelligence the same way, its only natural to learn from our leaders eh? people like arena, wait, she's the one of a kind, deserve Z. same goes to dampervan....ok, sometimes, just sometimes, it can get personal, but that only applies to certain people, excuse me, idiots! anyway, i have been arguing and defending that FTO is somewhat pretty to a certain extent.....and its completely from a pro's view. getting two NOs from my friends, i want to argue even more, now, im getting only 1 and a half NO. so if thats the rate, i'll win this debate of my own over time. to tell you the truth, getting a YES from me was almost impossible last time. maybe im looking beyond the looks now, or what does that face means, instead of what does the face look like.....maybe.
conclusion
until i get over these two issues, my head is gona be completely messed up, and now's the worst time to be in such state. far too occupied with stuff. anyway, the pic below, it was completely random of me to do so.......I AM BEING DIFFERENT NOW HUH?
coffee prince
im hopelessly addicted to this korean drama. ok, i dont know whether i should be embarrassed to say that i do watch korean drama, and some soap operas, but most of the time, i just waste my time in front of the tv just because there isnt anything much to do. so i just watch them, and the next minute, i forget about it. but this particular one just grabbed my attention. was it the tomboy? the stupid mini cooper? the coffee shop? the uniform? the homosexuality issue? i dont know...but one thing for sure, i still dont think the main girl is pretty, or feminine enough. maybe i like the idea that gender doesnt matter at all, it never was, it should never be. and the fact that the main rich dude was willing to accept the fact that he fell in love with what he thought was a guy is something that would have my applause. normal? no? whatever! and there were certain scenes where it just gets stuck in my head, which one, im not telling, but you ought to know if you watch it. im not asking you to, im not even suggesting it to you, but if you want what happen to me happen to you as well, i'll be more than happy to see you in the asylum later.
my eyes are telling lies
this one is another thing that you wana consider extremely suicidal, but i think that FTO is somehow, very good looking. this is one girl, who i didnt know exist in my school until we went to the english club party last year. i was like "hey, whats school are you from? ", thinking that she was at the wrong party of the wrong school......and heck "hey ben, we ARE in the same school". kinda funny, guess being a debater does get you some popularity huh. to put up a defence of my own, when i say someone is good looking or "cun", it is from a completely professional point of view about ones look, nothing personal. yes.....im THAT kind of people, who simply grade appearance from A-F. hey, thats not so unfair, the government judge my intelligence the same way, its only natural to learn from our leaders eh? people like arena, wait, she's the one of a kind, deserve Z. same goes to dampervan....ok, sometimes, just sometimes, it can get personal, but that only applies to certain people, excuse me, idiots! anyway, i have been arguing and defending that FTO is somewhat pretty to a certain extent.....and its completely from a pro's view. getting two NOs from my friends, i want to argue even more, now, im getting only 1 and a half NO. so if thats the rate, i'll win this debate of my own over time. to tell you the truth, getting a YES from me was almost impossible last time. maybe im looking beyond the looks now, or what does that face means, instead of what does the face look like.....maybe.
conclusion
until i get over these two issues, my head is gona be completely messed up, and now's the worst time to be in such state. far too occupied with stuff. anyway, the pic below, it was completely random of me to do so.......I AM BEING DIFFERENT NOW HUH?
reflecting
what did i just do?
why did i do it?
what was i thinking?
why must it happen at that time?
who am i kidding?
why did i told her that?
why did i get it, not him?
was it justified?
why didnt i just switch it off?
why i didnt ignore it?
what else could it possibly meant?
was it wrong?
was i running away?
did i do it to be someone?
am i a nobody?
should i have just left it the way it was?
was it my fault for being persistent?
what was i trying to prove?
why didnt i just shut up, for once, just zip my mouth?
what else was there to do?
whats left to do?
what should i do?
need i involve others in it?
what did i miss?
what was i looking at?
why cant i do that?
what would she think?
why am i making a big fuss out of 6 sentences?
was it worth asking?
maybe it is.......time will tell
and that was only during add math tuition, imagine, add math + nonsensical thoughts = 2 hours of pure torment!!!
why did i do it?
what was i thinking?
why must it happen at that time?
who am i kidding?
why did i told her that?
why did i get it, not him?
was it justified?
why didnt i just switch it off?
why i didnt ignore it?
what else could it possibly meant?
was it wrong?
was i running away?
did i do it to be someone?
am i a nobody?
should i have just left it the way it was?
was it my fault for being persistent?
what was i trying to prove?
why didnt i just shut up, for once, just zip my mouth?
what else was there to do?
whats left to do?
what should i do?
need i involve others in it?
what did i miss?
what was i looking at?
why cant i do that?
what would she think?
why am i making a big fuss out of 6 sentences?
was it worth asking?
maybe it is.......time will tell
and that was only during add math tuition, imagine, add math + nonsensical thoughts = 2 hours of pure torment!!!
the results were out yesterday
at last, one of the most important moments in a student's life had come......yes, SPM results were out, and i only knew one candidate who did exceptionally well in it.
but is spm everything for a human, a teenager, a student? i know its not the end of one's hopes and dreams and not the beginning of a fairy tale since i stepped into secondary school. spm merely put how much you read to the test. what can only be ask in spm is so myopically cramped into the textbooks we are forced to carry to school almost everyday. hey, i know they are free, but can anyone just get me a locker where i can dump all those dead weights at school and only walk back with small exercise books or assignments? spm, together with the current education system is trying to make us into sleepless robots and toy with our lives by making spm sound god-like.
im not saying spm is completely a waste of time, heck, todays march 13, i dont know how much time i got left to study, wait, i'll correct myself, to live!!! one can fail spm and still be sucessful in life, or one can get as many As as possible and only turn into an "As-s" later in life. it does not determine the way of life, but merely setting a course for us. its either you get a highway, and get rich, or end up at junctions, with your instincts to guide you...not completely shutting down the road.
i've say it a lot of times, and i'll say it again, i honestly hate our current education system. and i'll start with cocuricullum issue. they have made it compulsary, they have told you about that 10%, they have shown you how marks are given, and thats when it really pisses me off.
attendance-50%
achievement-20%
i forgot the rest, but these two would do. look, i can represent this country in any competition acknowledged by the education ministry and be a world champion....i'll only get 20%......OR i can go to the weekly activities, have a chat with my friends, tick my name, waste my ps-ing time there for a whole year, and i'll get 50%, more than half of the first one. since when participation certs worth more than trophies? so now, schools are producing people who only turn up at work by 8am, mind you about malaysian timezone which is 2 hours later than everything else, and go back by 5pm.....who only do some paper work, or sign some files.....which should be taken care by machines by now, or do we want people like einstein, or shakespear, maybe mozart. by logic, during their time, there were no school that can cater to their needs and talents, and if we clone them, and put them in school today, they'll be labelled as daydreaming, or slow, perhaps not paying attention. ask yourself, students or teachers, ask yourself,......if a genius were to attend your school, will you recognize his potential or will you consider him as those who are going to flunk his spm. i know what would be your answer....or at least, what should be, i cant help it if you can deceive yourself with mere illusions that locks away reality from your life.
education should be made fun. some teachers had done it, some had done the exact opposite. i dont mind homeworks, i dont mind writting extra, or staying back, stay up until morning, skip my ps-ing time bla bla bla, if i can only found any relevancy attached to it that i can really use in life. add math isnt so bad now, considering what "dampervan" has put me through. she single handedly crushed my faith that such subject is fun. not being able to be creative.....ok, im not so creative, not being able to be out of the box is killing me, but confining everything to the marking scheme is to the extent absurd does not carry enough connotation. so i asked myself this, am i learning to be educated or am i learning to follow the scheme? we both know what is happening now. spm does test your level and depth of knowledge, the idea is there and its fine, until the implementation comes into place and puts the stars and the moon under the scheme. so much for astronomy, now, we need a @$^&#$@$-scope to replace the telescope, since our night sky would be full of marking schemes.
my last sentence would be; spm is not everything, it does not tell you who u are, or who you will be, but merely a form of vague interpretation of your true potential, that does not need any form of recognition, other than of your own.
but is spm everything for a human, a teenager, a student? i know its not the end of one's hopes and dreams and not the beginning of a fairy tale since i stepped into secondary school. spm merely put how much you read to the test. what can only be ask in spm is so myopically cramped into the textbooks we are forced to carry to school almost everyday. hey, i know they are free, but can anyone just get me a locker where i can dump all those dead weights at school and only walk back with small exercise books or assignments? spm, together with the current education system is trying to make us into sleepless robots and toy with our lives by making spm sound god-like.
im not saying spm is completely a waste of time, heck, todays march 13, i dont know how much time i got left to study, wait, i'll correct myself, to live!!! one can fail spm and still be sucessful in life, or one can get as many As as possible and only turn into an "As-s" later in life. it does not determine the way of life, but merely setting a course for us. its either you get a highway, and get rich, or end up at junctions, with your instincts to guide you...not completely shutting down the road.
i've say it a lot of times, and i'll say it again, i honestly hate our current education system. and i'll start with cocuricullum issue. they have made it compulsary, they have told you about that 10%, they have shown you how marks are given, and thats when it really pisses me off.
attendance-50%
achievement-20%
i forgot the rest, but these two would do. look, i can represent this country in any competition acknowledged by the education ministry and be a world champion....i'll only get 20%......OR i can go to the weekly activities, have a chat with my friends, tick my name, waste my ps-ing time there for a whole year, and i'll get 50%, more than half of the first one. since when participation certs worth more than trophies? so now, schools are producing people who only turn up at work by 8am, mind you about malaysian timezone which is 2 hours later than everything else, and go back by 5pm.....who only do some paper work, or sign some files.....which should be taken care by machines by now, or do we want people like einstein, or shakespear, maybe mozart. by logic, during their time, there were no school that can cater to their needs and talents, and if we clone them, and put them in school today, they'll be labelled as daydreaming, or slow, perhaps not paying attention. ask yourself, students or teachers, ask yourself,......if a genius were to attend your school, will you recognize his potential or will you consider him as those who are going to flunk his spm. i know what would be your answer....or at least, what should be, i cant help it if you can deceive yourself with mere illusions that locks away reality from your life.
education should be made fun. some teachers had done it, some had done the exact opposite. i dont mind homeworks, i dont mind writting extra, or staying back, stay up until morning, skip my ps-ing time bla bla bla, if i can only found any relevancy attached to it that i can really use in life. add math isnt so bad now, considering what "dampervan" has put me through. she single handedly crushed my faith that such subject is fun. not being able to be creative.....ok, im not so creative, not being able to be out of the box is killing me, but confining everything to the marking scheme is to the extent absurd does not carry enough connotation. so i asked myself this, am i learning to be educated or am i learning to follow the scheme? we both know what is happening now. spm does test your level and depth of knowledge, the idea is there and its fine, until the implementation comes into place and puts the stars and the moon under the scheme. so much for astronomy, now, we need a @$^&#$@$-scope to replace the telescope, since our night sky would be full of marking schemes.
my last sentence would be; spm is not everything, it does not tell you who u are, or who you will be, but merely a form of vague interpretation of your true potential, that does not need any form of recognition, other than of your own.
driving while gandering at the rear-view mirror
Yes, thats what i have been doing since the beginning of the year.
Im on the fast lane, with no destination, only to drive without paying attention to what is coming at me.
I have been looking back at the road that i had just travelled, looking at the cars that i have overtaken, thinking about which junction did i take, and was it the best choice.
Im driving without a satnav, no map, no road signs, no sense of direction other than the one that has been set for me before i even start my journey.
Im not even driving on the road anymore, but a railway, where i can only move forward and no where else.
I cant change the track, it wont change itself, what should i do, rely on the stationmaster to pull the lever and set me on a new course?
I have been looking back, not at what track that i have chosen, but merely the distance that i have covered.
Im looking back, while going forward.
I want to push the emergency button and stop myself from moving. but then, i would be blocking the others.
Go too slow, i'll be slowing the rest, going too fast, i might derail.
I can only move ahead. those who cross my path will face the risk of getting hurt, because i cant stop myself, i can only slow down and hope that would be enough to salvage any injuries.
Those who are lucky enough can hitch a ride, should we share the same destination, though nobody know what lies ahead, or what lies at the end of the track.
Im looking back, with the hope faintest hope that there would be a reverse gear for me.
I have been looking back for so long, that i have missed what lies in front of me, or people that have cross my way, and perish because i was dreaming of the impossible.
I should move forward, and set a goal for myself and get there no matter what.
I shall not stand in the way of others, nor will i slow them down, still, i shall push myself with respect of my own abilities and limitations.
I shall not let the station wait for me.
I shall no longer rely on others, i shall keep my pace, and choose where to go even of i have to stop and pull that lever myself.
I shall only stop when the track runs out.
I shall end my journey, one way or the other, as myself.
Im on the fast lane, with no destination, only to drive without paying attention to what is coming at me.
I have been looking back at the road that i had just travelled, looking at the cars that i have overtaken, thinking about which junction did i take, and was it the best choice.
Im driving without a satnav, no map, no road signs, no sense of direction other than the one that has been set for me before i even start my journey.
Im not even driving on the road anymore, but a railway, where i can only move forward and no where else.
I cant change the track, it wont change itself, what should i do, rely on the stationmaster to pull the lever and set me on a new course?
I have been looking back, not at what track that i have chosen, but merely the distance that i have covered.
Im looking back, while going forward.
I want to push the emergency button and stop myself from moving. but then, i would be blocking the others.
Go too slow, i'll be slowing the rest, going too fast, i might derail.
I can only move ahead. those who cross my path will face the risk of getting hurt, because i cant stop myself, i can only slow down and hope that would be enough to salvage any injuries.
Those who are lucky enough can hitch a ride, should we share the same destination, though nobody know what lies ahead, or what lies at the end of the track.
Im looking back, with the hope faintest hope that there would be a reverse gear for me.
I have been looking back for so long, that i have missed what lies in front of me, or people that have cross my way, and perish because i was dreaming of the impossible.
I should move forward, and set a goal for myself and get there no matter what.
I shall not stand in the way of others, nor will i slow them down, still, i shall push myself with respect of my own abilities and limitations.
I shall not let the station wait for me.
I shall no longer rely on others, i shall keep my pace, and choose where to go even of i have to stop and pull that lever myself.
I shall only stop when the track runs out.
I shall end my journey, one way or the other, as myself.
difference
i once again change my blog layout because
1) gray is kinda dull.....
2) white is too bright, it hurts my eyes, probably yours too.....
3) i cant figure out that html code...i was trying to put some pictures as background, but it just became a part of my post, and block all the words, or it just pop out in the title. practically, i can put it almost anywhere in my blog, except in the background, where it is supposed to be. in the mean time, black will have to do. i really wanted to put set that as my background.
1) gray is kinda dull.....
2) white is too bright, it hurts my eyes, probably yours too.....
3) i cant figure out that html code...i was trying to put some pictures as background, but it just became a part of my post, and block all the words, or it just pop out in the title. practically, i can put it almost anywhere in my blog, except in the background, where it is supposed to be. in the mean time, black will have to do. i really wanted to put set that as my background.
just one question....am i trying to be different? am i trying too hard? or is it the way i am?
maybe that is irrelevant to my blog colour, but at one point, i realised, why did i try so hard? to be noticed? to be out of the ordinary? to be special? or maybe i just like gray......ok, im not particular about colours as long as they dont emit that blinding rays into your eyes.
trying to be different should be acceptable, as long as that does not change the one's original personality. some try to blend in into the society, some want to be a separate entity all by itself. me? im not sure. what i know is that im not a nobody, nor am i the centre of attention. being a debater has got nothing to do with popularity.....i just entered for the sake of skipping class, and now, im kinda addicted to it. and going onstage to speak isnt exactly what i had in mind....my initial plan was to be somesort of reserve, or at least, get the side that is not speaking. but that failed, and i became the opposition leader who cant sit straight on stage. and now, more teachers know me, and that isnt what i wanted at all. my list of friends/acquaintances just got longer, and more people who i dont know exist, know me.....yea, sorry about that dude, i just ignore humanity most of the times. i've gained some unwanted reputation if i must say. not that im allergic to people, im just not the type that can talk to anyone anytime. i prefer sitting somewhere else, doing some work, maybe read.....i think i got that habit now.
being a stanger to everyone isnt something i wish for, and the same applies to being known to everyone. so if the act of being different cause the latter one, i'd rather be obscured. for instance, this blog......i dont want my blog to be distinctive at first glance....cause that only make the exterrior matters.....but if the content is somewhat sublime. so only those who read it knows the real me......like my close friends.
basically, those who read understand more and justify less, those who just look at the colour and simply decide whatever about this blog is shallow.....
basically, those who read understand more and justify less, those who just look at the colour and simply decide whatever about this blog is shallow.....
..............................................im talking nonsense rite?
a spontaneous day
i have been waiting for this day! the day where the debate team can meet up again, all 5 members. this hang out had been delayed for a long time, for the most obvious reason, we are all busy . so im broke, and im supposed to give mani her delayed birthday present....and parting gift as well. luckily, my mom decided to give me some extra cash, and i found 10 bucks in my old edwin jeans, so from now on, it shall be called "the almighty lucky jeans". i have been folding cranes, because karmen stared the whole idea of folding stars. since i can only fold cranes, thats what i did....just to find out that i forgot how to do it. after 5 miserable deformed cranes, i managed to get it right. out of boredom, i challenge karmen to see who can fold the most, which i eventually lost. heck, i didnt have time, i didnt even have the jar until today. so i had 77 cranes, in a plastic bag, walking around the shopping complex with karmen, looking for a cheap jar. then, we actually found a nice, kinda well priced jar. then the idea of combining our stars and cranes just pop out when the shoplady asked us. we gave it a shot......and the jar was perfect to fit our origamis, not too cramped, and not too spacious, just perfect.
we got it wrapped, and ask the shop lady to keep it, while we look for mani. had a weird lunch at old town, then went to watch 10 000 bc, where cavemen speak english with indian and british accent! amazing! having no expectations whatsoever on the movie, i cant be disappointed. after getting out of the cinema, we finally retrieve our present and gave mani......and there was this moment of awkwardness. taking photo in popular, around mandarin books didnt help either.
the presents i got for my birthday from mani are great. slippers and wallet, just in time too. the old ones were not able to suit my clumsiness. i cant believe i fell down in front of tesco, on the tar road, when theres so many people there. running was not the best idea afterall. but i still blame the slippery road...let me clarify, i did not tripped, i slipped, and fell, and made a hole on my jeans, let me repeat that, JEANS, and scraped my knees. if i was wearing shorts, then its really going to hurt. somehow, my shirt didnt touch the ground, with my breakdance pose. it wasnt painful....i just got into the shower, got out, applied some ointment and thats it...at least that was before i kept bumping into every possible edge in my house....my chair, my cupboard, stair railing and pretty much everything else. and the wound is not that big to show off, too bad!
on the other side, today is the day the people decide for the country's future, and i hope their decision is not a spontaneous one. judging at this rate, bn is going down, and the opp is now having the bigger slice of cake. whatever the result is, the impact on the country will be colossal, better or worse, i dont know.........but i believe the people is not ready for the change. lets hope my guess this time would be wrong.
we got it wrapped, and ask the shop lady to keep it, while we look for mani. had a weird lunch at old town, then went to watch 10 000 bc, where cavemen speak english with indian and british accent! amazing! having no expectations whatsoever on the movie, i cant be disappointed. after getting out of the cinema, we finally retrieve our present and gave mani......and there was this moment of awkwardness. taking photo in popular, around mandarin books didnt help either.
the presents i got for my birthday from mani are great. slippers and wallet, just in time too. the old ones were not able to suit my clumsiness. i cant believe i fell down in front of tesco, on the tar road, when theres so many people there. running was not the best idea afterall. but i still blame the slippery road...let me clarify, i did not tripped, i slipped, and fell, and made a hole on my jeans, let me repeat that, JEANS, and scraped my knees. if i was wearing shorts, then its really going to hurt. somehow, my shirt didnt touch the ground, with my breakdance pose. it wasnt painful....i just got into the shower, got out, applied some ointment and thats it...at least that was before i kept bumping into every possible edge in my house....my chair, my cupboard, stair railing and pretty much everything else. and the wound is not that big to show off, too bad!
on the other side, today is the day the people decide for the country's future, and i hope their decision is not a spontaneous one. judging at this rate, bn is going down, and the opp is now having the bigger slice of cake. whatever the result is, the impact on the country will be colossal, better or worse, i dont know.........but i believe the people is not ready for the change. lets hope my guess this time would be wrong.
after 1 month, and 3 phone calls......im here again.
my line was down again last month, and i had to call tm 3 times just to get it back to normal. and people say the 3rd times d charm huh? anyway, usually, my line get fixed when a lady anwered my call to tm.......and this time was no exception. the cause of my connection failure was simply because i had the wrong password, and i didnt notice it.( how the hell am i supposed to know, i cant see the password!). then a small window pop out and says error 736 has occured. i told two guys from tm, and they said they will send a techinician over. well, the tech dude didnt show up, so i called again, and he didnt show up again. my 3rd call, the lady answered, and she just told me to re-type my username and password, and it worked. in this case, a lady outsmart 3 guys who failed to notice such an error(including me, but im born not to be a techno kinda guy). does that proves a point to you?
so im back here, and just in time for the holidays.....the one thing that can really cheer me up after a miserable monthly test. the only brightside of the results is that there were no fails, but i still havent get my english yet. if i fail my english test, my world would really end! the very 1st thing i did when i was online was checking my friends blogs.........and i found another blogger, or maybe its the other way round......again, great blog!
debate has started, though we havent got the motions yet, we are training juniors....and they were a whole lot better than me when i first tried out. they didnt believe me when i told them that.....how much progress have i made since the 1st futile attempt in debate until now, i dont know, but i dont think its a lot. i still have stagefright, my legs are still shaking, my hands trembling, my pronounciation is a mess.....just like last time....or so i thought. the chances of me sticking with debate this year is very high........and i dont know why. maybe its fun, maybe its out of obligation, maybe i want people to notice me, maybe i want the prize money......i dont know, but im doing it!
i've got some issues bout self confidence, i mean, i used to, but i forgot all about it already. no kidding, my memory has been worse, i forgot my friend came to school the day before. even on the same day, i forgot that he came to school. and yesterday night, i dont remember going to bed at all. i was just watching tv, i dozzed off, and the next morning, i woke up on my bed. its either i sleep walk to my bedroom, or my lamnesia needs intensive treatment. nonetheless. there are things i'd never forget, things about the debate session, things that comes back to you naturally, and sejarah facts. i got 94 for history, and i forgot that my friend came to school.......irony huh?
i even forgot how materialistic people can be.....and someone just had to remind me. look, i admit there's no such thing as being perfect, but at least be honest with yourself, and cant you at least be sincere? do you expect something in return when you do someone in favour, if you do, at least dont be so obvious. i do expect something in return, but i dont demand it, and i dont make it a point to anyone.....if the boomerang effect is not there, then just let it be. is it such a necessity to make it a point? im not mad, its just not right. im sure you'd agree that the wolrd isnt perfect, but do they need to make it worse, do you?
so im back here, and just in time for the holidays.....the one thing that can really cheer me up after a miserable monthly test. the only brightside of the results is that there were no fails, but i still havent get my english yet. if i fail my english test, my world would really end! the very 1st thing i did when i was online was checking my friends blogs.........and i found another blogger, or maybe its the other way round......again, great blog!
debate has started, though we havent got the motions yet, we are training juniors....and they were a whole lot better than me when i first tried out. they didnt believe me when i told them that.....how much progress have i made since the 1st futile attempt in debate until now, i dont know, but i dont think its a lot. i still have stagefright, my legs are still shaking, my hands trembling, my pronounciation is a mess.....just like last time....or so i thought. the chances of me sticking with debate this year is very high........and i dont know why. maybe its fun, maybe its out of obligation, maybe i want people to notice me, maybe i want the prize money......i dont know, but im doing it!
i've got some issues bout self confidence, i mean, i used to, but i forgot all about it already. no kidding, my memory has been worse, i forgot my friend came to school the day before. even on the same day, i forgot that he came to school. and yesterday night, i dont remember going to bed at all. i was just watching tv, i dozzed off, and the next morning, i woke up on my bed. its either i sleep walk to my bedroom, or my lamnesia needs intensive treatment. nonetheless. there are things i'd never forget, things about the debate session, things that comes back to you naturally, and sejarah facts. i got 94 for history, and i forgot that my friend came to school.......irony huh?
i even forgot how materialistic people can be.....and someone just had to remind me. look, i admit there's no such thing as being perfect, but at least be honest with yourself, and cant you at least be sincere? do you expect something in return when you do someone in favour, if you do, at least dont be so obvious. i do expect something in return, but i dont demand it, and i dont make it a point to anyone.....if the boomerang effect is not there, then just let it be. is it such a necessity to make it a point? im not mad, its just not right. im sure you'd agree that the wolrd isnt perfect, but do they need to make it worse, do you?
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