driving while gandering at the rear-view mirror

Yes, thats what i have been doing since the beginning of the year.
Im on the fast lane, with no destination, only to drive without paying attention to what is coming at me.
I have been looking back at the road that i had just travelled, looking at the cars that i have overtaken, thinking about which junction did i take, and was it the best choice.
Im driving without a satnav, no map, no road signs, no sense of direction other than the one that has been set for me before i even start my journey.
Im not even driving on the road anymore, but a railway, where i can only move forward and no where else.
I cant change the track, it wont change itself, what should i do, rely on the stationmaster to pull the lever and set me on a new course?

I have been looking back, not at what track that i have chosen, but merely the distance that i have covered.
Im looking back, while going forward.
I want to push the emergency button and stop myself from moving. but then, i would be blocking the others.
Go too slow, i'll be slowing the rest, going too fast, i might derail.
I can only move ahead. those who cross my path will face the risk of getting hurt, because i cant stop myself, i can only slow down and hope that would be enough to salvage any injuries.
Those who are lucky enough can hitch a ride, should we share the same destination, though nobody know what lies ahead, or what lies at the end of the track.

Im looking back, with the hope faintest hope that there would be a reverse gear for me.
I have been looking back for so long, that i have missed what lies in front of me, or people that have cross my way, and perish because i was dreaming of the impossible.
I should move forward, and set a goal for myself and get there no matter what.
I shall not stand in the way of others, nor will i slow them down, still, i shall push myself with respect of my own abilities and limitations.
I shall not let the station wait for me.
I shall no longer rely on others, i shall keep my pace, and choose where to go even of i have to stop and pull that lever myself.
I shall only stop when the track runs out.
I shall end my journey, one way or the other, as myself.